Can you stay friends with a flake?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
1256 posts
Bumble bee

solnishko1186 :  to clarify, i do not accept plans with the intent to cancel. with respect, i will defer to the advice of my psychologist and continue to make efforts to participate socially. 

Post # 32
877 posts
Busy bee

I also tend to have little patience for people like this, probably because, like everyone else, my time is limited and I want to spend it in a meaningful way, not in a pointless back-and-forth with someone that is going nowhere.

Some people say she is probably overwhelmed – that may be, but what about the OP’s feelings? What about her time? Also, if someone is overwhelmed and is truly a good friend, he or she should say so. Other people are not mind readers.

Unfortunately there are many people in the world like this. And their behaviour is baffling and confusing. I can’t, for the life of me, understand what they get out of initiating plans which never get finished, but there it is. Ours is not to reason why. littlebeans, if you want to keep this friendship going and you want to continue engaging in this dance with her, then by all means. But if it were me, I would probably say, kindly, something like “you seem to have a lot on your plate at the moment, and I really hope things get easier for you. I’m just not into plans that start and don’t get finished. I just can’t do it. I’ll see you at the next family get-together.”

It’s up to you though – for me, someone like this would drive me bonkers. But you need to assess for yourself how much it bothers you. I will say, though, that what you tolerate in other people is generally what you get.

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