(Closed) Can you take a verbal invite back?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@meetmethere2013:  I just probably wouldn’t extend an invite to her anymore. I’m going through a similar thing with my family. I don’t want any kids at my wedding at all. But I have 10 second cousins who are under the age of 10 who I NEVER see, nor do I talk to their parents (my cousins) but once a year on xmas. My parents say I’m gonna cause problems by not inviting my cousins kids, but at the end of the day it’s your wedding and you invite who you want. Also, just because you invite one second cousin doesn’t mean you have to invite the other… imo

Post # 4
13251 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Personally, I believe that once you tell someone they’re invited to your wedding, you are obligated to follow through.  It’s basically the same as giving her a save-the-date; you’ve told her well in advance of your plans, and told her that she was invited.  To turn around and not invite her makes you look rude.  Sorry 🙁

Post # 6
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

Just send her the invitation – but make it clear no children again. If she was that bothered by it the first time, odds are she won’t come.

Post # 7
8695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I say do what you want. I’m taking a verbal invite back (long story) and I have no regrets apt second-thoughts about it!

Post # 8
3267 posts
Sugar bee

No you cannot take it back.  Honouring your commitments will always be the most polite thing to do. 

Typically in a case like this where you haven’t talked in a while, the person will decline the invitation.  Would you currently travel to her event?  I suspect not.

(I mean this in the nicest possible tone and with truly honerable intentions) What makes you or your event so special that someone who you haven’t talked to in almost a year and who can’t bring her baby would trek there?

If you do invite this cousin, you are NOT REQUIRED to invite all cousins.  It is perfectly polite to invite some, but not others.

Post # 9
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I am going against the grain and saying no you don’t have to because you guys haven’t talked. You also had kind of a falling out with her. If the majority says invite her then go ahead. I assume she won’t show up anyway since the reason she is mad in the first place was the no kids and that rule still stands.

Post # 10
3697 posts
Sugar bee

I think you should still send the invitation. Given that you’re excluding children, she probably won’t come, but by inviting her you keep your word and it’s up to her to turn you down.

If you *don’t* invite her after saying that you were going to, you risk really upsetting her and damaging your relationship going forward.

If you invite the other second cousins … “best-case” scenario: they are happy and flattered to get an invitation but decide not to travel that far. “Worst-case” scenario: they accept, and attend, and you have a bunch of happy guests who you do have to pay for, but you’ve also generated a lot of goodwill and strengthened your family bonds. It’s up to you, and you have to make responsible decisions about your budget, of course, but I prefer to err on the side of including family.

Post # 11
3230 posts
Sugar bee

Will it cause drama in the family? If so, you should probably send her an invitation with a polite “no children invited” message.

If not, then no.

My Fiance extended a bunch of verbal invitations even though we said we were going to have family only (MEN!). He didn’t bother telling them that we are doing family only and said, “Oh yeah, you’ll be invited whenever it is.” This got nasty looks from me. I posted the wedding webpage on my Facebook, linked it up to him, and it clearly says, “Family Only.” He didn’t bother to clarify with his friends and let the page do it for him, but they’re not my friends so whatever.

Post # 12
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would still invite her. 

Post # 13
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I can see why people would say you should still invite her for etiquette’s sake and to extend the olive branch. Though it seems like she may not even come considering the distance and new baby.

But honestly if it were me I wouldn’t bother inviting her. I’m in a similar situation where in passing I made it sound like someone was invited, or they just assumed on their own part, and since then we’ve lost contact. In my case I’m not really worried about people who can’t even respond to a text or phone call getting their feelings hurt about not being invited. Since you guys had that falling out and haven’t spoken, I don’t think you would be in the wrong for not extending the written invitation.

Post # 14
1285 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think you need to invite her (and probably her BF). You do not need to invite the other second cousins. Keep in mind that while this seems like a big deal now, is it really worth your friendship (even if it was only via txt) with your cousin? Most likely she will decline anyway.

Post # 15
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I totally had to take a verbal invite back – but it was literally from the day after I was engaged.  I got a “congratulations! you’ll be a beautiful bride” and I said something to the effect of, “can’t wait to see you there”.

I apologized to her face prior to the wedding when I told her that I hadn’t known at the time how tight our budget was going to be.  She was very nice about it and said that she didn’t even take the invite seriously and there were no hard feelings.  I stressed about it for MONTHS though.

Post # 16
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

I would just send her an invite (with only her name and BF) – and leave it up to her.  She might not even come.

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