(Closed) Can you talk about sex with a married man without it considered “cheating?”

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Is just talking about it with no intentions of it going further still cheating?
    HELL YES!!! : (92 votes)
    40 %
    Yes because it's still sex : (38 votes)
    17 %
    No because neither wants it to go further : (44 votes)
    19 %
    No way. It was just a fun conversation : (54 votes)
    24 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2313 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Not cheating but totally inappropriate and disrespectful. You’re family members; you do not discuss cheating or how “hott” you think the other one is.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3539 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    yuk yuk and yuk! I second ohheavenly day

    Post # 5
    Member
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I wouldn’t call it physically cheating, but I wouldn’t call it appropriate, either. If you think it would upset your Fiance or your cousin’s wife, I would stop. Personally, I would consider it disrespectful. If I heard my Fiance talking like that to another woman, I would want to re-evaluate our relationship boundaries.

    ETA: I was trying to be calm in this post, but I think I was perhaps a little too zen. If I heard Fiance talking like that to another woman, I would want to kill him. I’m non-violent, but I would still want to!

    Post # 6
    Member
    4137 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    it’s totally inappropriate.

    you don’t need to talk about what your spouse likes — that belongs in the marriage bed. and the comment he made about you being “hott” is gross.

    Post # 7
    Member
    5977 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @ohheavenlyday: ditto!

    Totally inappropriate. Would you be ok with your Fiance telling another girl that he thought she was smoking hot and describing how much he likes cup size X, which just so happens to be her cup size? Not cool in my book.

    Post # 8
    Member
    671 posts
    Busy bee

    I don’t think it is cheating but definitely dangerous behavior that could lead to cheating. Though you may not consider it bad and say it is just playful, there is a reason you posted it here instead of asking your Fiance. I think it is inappropriate and though cheating is out of the question for you now, who knows with further prodding what could come of conversations like that. I know that if my Fiance ever found out that I was having a convo like that he might be a little cautious but it would be all over once he knows the guy said i was smoking hot! And I would be pissed if he were that inappropriate if someone I knew was having a conversation like that with my Fiance and more so because Fiance was allowing it to continue!   

    Post # 9
    Member
    5106 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I’m going to have to agree whole-heartedly to the PP’s. The conversation should have never happened and the fact that it did is completely inappropriate and 120% disrespectful. If you don’t think it’s wrong in any way, why post it on wedding bee asking what we think? Or for that matter, why even discuss it with your FI’s cousin’s husband?

    How would you feel if you knew your Fiance was having conversations like this with another woman? Married or not? And be honest with yourself. Because to me, seems like you were enjoying this conversation and all it’s comments a little too much.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2313 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @Mrs.tobe:

    Ugh, same; if FH’s brother told me I was smoking hott and his preferred cup size is, like mine, a -A (LOLOL) I’d be so grossed out.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1944 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Totally inappropraite in my book. What I like and don’t like IMO is between my Darling Husband and I and I don’t feel he or anyone else should be discussing that. Sorry, I don’t get to know my friends that way…

    Post # 12
    Member
    407 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    Agreed with pps. Not cheating, but disrespectful yes, very. When in doubt, I always stop to take a look at it from DH’s perspective, or in this case even from the cousins’ wife’s. Even if there was no concern over infidelity for them, I’m sure they wouldn’t appreciate their sexual limitations or dislikes being discussed out of context and openly with people who really have no need or business to know this. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    2829 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Not cheating. Inappopriate, [as you are family], disrespectful towards your spouse.

    Post # 14
    Member
    7695 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    It isnt cheating but that doesnt make it wrong. It is really inappropriate and disrespectful (as PPs have said) to be having this conversation with another man, especially one that is so close to you (aka your freakin future husbands COUSIN IN LAW) Its not that hard to realize that this conversation should not be had with a member of the opposite sex. I dont care if its your best friend in the world who happens to be a guy – its not okay!!

    Post # 15
    Member
    273 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Here is a good gauge for you….

    Would you two engage in this EXACT same conversation in front of your SOs? Highly doubt it!!! Completely disrespectful.

    Post # 16
    Member
    5106 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @ohheavenlyday: Oh my God. I mean really!? I would have a mini-gross-out-break-down and then immediately tell Fiance about all the creepy mc-creepiness that just took place!  I was almost pissed in her FI’s defense!

    And after reading OP’s previous threads, I don’t think this is the first time things like this have crossed her mind. Hence the screen name.

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