(Closed) Can you throw your own shower?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think this is terribly rude to have guests bring a gift which will essencially be what you will be serving them.  This would scream to me, “I’m too cheap to buy you drinks so buy your own under a guise of a shower.”

In other situations I’m not opposed to people throwing their own showers.

Post # 4
841 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@BeeNatural:  I’m of the opinion that throwing your own shower is bad etiquette.

Post # 5
46612 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@BeeNatural:  No , under any circumstances.

It is never appropriate to host a party for yourself where you expressly want people to bring gifts.

It is even more inappropriate that you would ask such guests to finance your wedding reception. If you can’t afford alcohol, don’t have it.

Post # 6
7211 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@BeeNatural:  It’s a pretty big breach of etiquette to throw your own shower. Add to that your idea of having people bring you “gifts” that you’re saying you’re going to regift as your wedding liquor and I’d have to say this is not the best idea. 

Post # 7
8610 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Definitely not.

Post # 8
2066 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Please no.

Post # 10
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Oooof… NO NO NO. Please don’t throw yourself a party then require guests bring a specific gift.

Post # 11
5189 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@BeeNatural:  Nope! You invite your friends for dinner (don’t call it a shower because shower means gift giving party) and hope they bring something. Never ask for gifts, EVER. 

Post # 12
7211 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@BeeNatural:  I get that you’re on a budget. I mean, I am too. I hope to find a backyard someone will just let us use and my cousins are catering and my aunt is gifting a cake. I totally get it. And, honestly, the whole “stock the bar” thing wouldn’t be that bad if you weren’t hosting the shower yourself. One of your friends can’t “play host”? It’s far less offensive to have a friend as other friends to “Help the Naturals” than for the bride & groom to ask for themselves. 

Post # 14
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@BeeNatural:  you shouldn’t be suggesting that anyone host you a shower, IMO. 

If one of your BM’s approaches you and asks you what you would like to to do for a shower, (ie, do you have any preferences, want to invite certain people, etc), then sure.. Mention it then. 

But don’t seek out a bridesmaid and tell them about your idea, which will put them in an awkward position if they weren’t planning on doing a shower in the first place.

Post # 15
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@BeeNatural:  If your best man and Maid/Matron of Honor were to host a party and call it a “stocking the bar” party, I think that would be okay!

But I also think that would have to be a party held at night, and I think a whole bunch of bottles would end up getting opened that night!

Post # 16
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

No, that’s just so wrong. Have the wedding you can afford, and don’t even think about asking others to help foot the bill.

Have one of your friends put put the word that bringing a bottle to the potluck wedding is an acceptable ” potluck dish” to bring, and trust that there will be enough to go around.

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