Post # 46
I am a similar size and had this same issue. I agree with everyone that you are pretty much screwed. You NEED to be firm that the dress isn’t going to work for you.
Adhesive bras don’t work for your (our) size because they provide coverage, not support. Some structure in the dress might help, but the dress doesn’t seem to have any.
The suggested low back bra will not work either. It is GOING to show. A lot. Raising the back of the dress (in order to cover the bra) would typically involve shortening the straps, but the style of the dress allows little scope for that. You would be dealing with very extensive (and expensive) alterations that would change the appearance of the dress, which might not make your friend too happy. And then, after spending several hundreds on the dress, bra, and alterations, you would still risk the bra making unwanted appearances.
I won’t comment too much on the Kim K. taping solution since I haven’t tried it. It seems like it would be difficult and maybe painful to pull off.
In theory, your friend should want you to avoid flashing, sagging, jiggling, or exposed undergarments. It’s her day, and I’m sure she doesn’t want her keepsake memories to include your wardrobe malfunctions. She should be more sensitive to your concerns!
Finally, if you really don’t feel like you can veto the dress, it might be possible to use an adhesive solution during the ceremony and for pictures, then change into a fully supportive bra—with a shawl or bolero—for the reception. But I really think you should push for another dress.
Post # 47
lillc : in this case what I would do is to cover part of the dress ( in the lower back) with lace that would hide back of that bra. I would take it to tailor ( it is a quick job) or would do it myself.
With my bridesmaids’s dress we were late to order too, no time for trimming the length and dresses were super long, so I had to order what did not require trimming. I had to order petite size, which was shorter, but my size 0 in petite was too tight in breast if zipped ( it was corset top). Dress arrived 2 days before wedding and I had to literally sew 2 thin pieces of ribbon to the top of the corset ( in the back) to give me support and some space to breath, zipper did not fully close.
Post # 48
Could you ask if the below two dresses might work? Just get it in the same color as the other bridesmaids.
Post # 49
Or you can get a clip on overlay for the decolette and stick it to the back of the dress to cover part of the back and bra won’t be visible. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B078YPCJLD/ref=sspa_dk_detail_4?psc=1
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Post # 50
I am also fairly large and when I used stick on (the adhesive type, not the silicone type)- I used two sets. It worked fine and stayed put.
Post # 51
I don’t know much about this stuff but can you have cups sewn into the dress?
Post # 52
So I texted her (my friend, the bride) that her bra suggestions would not work without major dress alterations, which would be expensive. She replied that she would be willing to pay for the alterations. I said: “its the uncertainty more than the cost.”
She said there are lots of possible solutions and it might be necessary to experiment. I said, “agree.”
She asked if she could go ahead and order the dresses. I said, “how open are u to other options?” She said, “all the other girls like this one.” I said, “let me think about it a little more.”
Too much info, I know. But it’s pretty clear that she (bride) isn’t willing to move off the dress because she believes that there HAS to be a support solution out there somewhere.
Again, I can’t thank everyone enough for the assistance, advice, and ideas!
Post # 53
lillc : Girl with all due respect GROW A PAIR and tell her no! There is no more to “think” about. That is a ridiculous dress than maybe 1% of the population can wear. Tell her youre sorry and want to support her on her wedding day but that you cannot wear that dress. Don’t mince words! Tell her you’re happy to wear another Watters dress in that color and fabric and you will be cohesive enough. Say that you are not comfortable showing that much skin in the back.
Post # 54
lillc : OP you seriously have to grow a backbone here.
Post # 55
Yes really OP you hav to stop being so accomodating and saying you ‘ll think about it etc. The fact is she is utterly set on this dress and won’t allow herself to believe your concerns cannot be dealt with. Some of these bras cost 100 bucks too.
I would say yes you will get it, but you are going add a piece of lace/drape across the back , Not ask , tell. Pleasant but firm ( which is how you want your girls to be in that dress lol)
Post # 56
I think at this point, since she doesn’t want to budge on the dress and doesn’t seem to understand the problem, I would just end up wearing a normal bra that matches my skintone. But I have never cared about my bra showing, they are worn for a reason.
Post # 57
I sympathize with your dilemma. I think you need to explain how it’s in HER best interest to pick a different dress or at least let you wear a different one.
Here is an approach to consider:
“In thinking about it I am still really concerned either that I will not be adequately supported or that my bra will show. Either circumstance would draw attention and make me extremely uncomfortable. Everything would be memorialized in photos and video. I really do not want to become the center of attention on your day.
”I appreciate your offer to pay for alterations but the changes to the open back needed to cover an adequate bra would probably be extensive and totally change the appearance of the dress. It would seem to be more sensible just to pick a different dress in the same color. It looks like there are dresses that are similar to the one you picked but don’t pose the same undergarment challenges.”
Post # 58
olivetreee : I like your suggestion a lot! Thank you. It’s seriously not my style to risk ruining a dear friendship over a dress choice. And in terms of needing to “GROW A PAIR”…well…that’s the problem in a certain sense. haha
Also, I found an old Weddingbee thread where another 32G bridesmaid had a similar issue, but it looks like the ultra low-back solution she found, a backless bodysuit, is no longer available. I hadn’t really considered a bodysuit. It would be nice to find a similar product to try, so if anyone is aware of one… (hint).
Thanks to everyone for the honest advice, even if some is a little difficult to take in.
Post # 59
GREAT news! My friend IS open to using another dress!!! Yaaaayyy!!!
Now a quick and slightly urgent question. One of the alternative dresses that was suggested earlier is below. But if I look closely, the back is open just a bit (looks like it zips up to the waist, then a few buttons, and hooks at the neck). The front is a tad plungy too. I’m wondering if this dress is actually “bra friendly” or whether it is going to pose similar problems as the first.
I already sent this to her as a recommendation but am having second thoughts.
Post # 60
Yay! I’m glad she’s open to a new one! I think there’s a chance a low back bra could work in this one (with the back of the bra below the buttons. But honestly I would probably not worry about a peak of bra being visible through the slit in the back of the dress. This is a much better option.