(Closed) Can your friends relate to “waiting”?

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
235 posts
Helper bee

Oh I know how you feel. I used to talk to one of my co-workers all the time because we were both waiting.  I loved talking to her bc I felt like she understood, and she would tell me her stories while I listened.  Well, she recently got engaged and it seems like she doesn’t care at all about what is happening in my life anymore, while she and I used to ask all the time. I understand she is super excited to plan her own wedding, but I felt kind of dropped along the way.  I do have my sisiters I can talk to, but my older sister has been waiting longer than me and is in the “carefree” stage of waiting, where she isnt worrying about anything, which is great, but I feel like sometimes she doesnt listen to me, she just says it will all work out and that’s it. Plus, she tends to take any ideas I have, has always been that way, so I’m afraid to tell her some details of my wedding that I dream about.

My friends are either married or single, so they are in totally different situations than me and it is hard for them to relate. BF has a lot of friends who are in serious relationships, and I can talk to some of them, but at the same time I don’t want to seem like I am desperate to his friends.

That’s why we have the Bee!!!!!

Post # 4
31 posts

I definitely understand where you’re coming from. I am going through this right now with my best friend of 12 years. She was married 2 1/2 years ago, and had a baby this past January. We only speak once a month now, and when we do, it’s all about the baby. Believe me, I understand that as a first time mom, she has every right to gush about her baby. I just have an issue with the fact that all of our conversations are one sided, and then she rushes me off the phone. She never askes about my life or relationship with my SO. None of my other friends that are in relationships are really in that ‘waiting’ period like I am, and if they are, they don’t talk about it. A few other friends are just causually dating/sleeping around, and are always ready for a party. I’m ready to settle down with the man I love, and I don’t like feeling like I have to walk on eggshells around my friends because they don’t get why I want to be married right now. I just heard the other day “you’re only 27, what’s your hurry?” My reply was “Yes, I’m 27. I’m ready and I’d like to be a mother before I’m 30.” I don’t think I should apologize for that!

Post # 5
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

We can be your “everyone” to tell!!!!


Post # 6
18 posts

I know how you feel too, but I’m on the other side of the fence….Im the only one in a “grown up” relationship (a.i. living together, paying bills, dealing with both our families, working more than one job and going to university).

They dont understand what waiting can be like, or even the happy part of planning a wedding with your SO can be like.

Most of  the time I keep to myself. I am lucky enough that I can tell my BF and my family anything, so I still have people to talk to.

Post # 7
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I hear ya as well. the only people  can talk to is my mum and sister. Everyone else a) doesn’t understand b) is single and therefore not suited for a variety of reasons or c) is too busy in their lives to listen to me.

~le sigh~

Post # 8
3974 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Definitely know how you feel. I don’t have anyone to talk to IRL about it. Most of my friends are men, so they just… well they don’t get it or care and my only good female friend just shrugs and says there is nothing I can do so I should just wait it out… well d’uh! I know there is “nothing I can do”! I still would like to vent a little…

Post # 9
1206 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I know how you feel.  I feel like a lot of my college friends have either moved or are in different places in life – in law school, out of work across the country, waiting, buying a house etc.  I’m just recently married and now I hang out more with DH’s friends.  They’re all girls since he graduated from nursing school.

It can be hard but stick with it!  You never know where you can meet friends – a cooking/crafting class at michaels, the library, workout class, the bee!!!

Post # 10
100 posts
Blushing bee

I totally understand too.  Most of my friends are either married with kids, getting married, or very single.  I  can’t even confide in my mother; she’s twice divorced and bitter towards men haha.  It’s definitely comforting to see everyone around here!

Post # 11
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

No, none of my friends can relate to waiting. None of them have serious boyfriends, I actually have no one to talk to about waiting out of fear of being judged. When I first told my sister my bf and I were moving in togther, she said

Why doesnt he just marry you, he just wants to string you along

No one understands your relationship expect you and your significant other, so thats why I usually dont talk to my gfs about my relationship.

Post # 12
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

None of my friends can relate, either. They’re either completely single or married. The two that got married seemed to decide “oh, that’s a good idea!” several months after C and I got engaged. So they both got engaged several months after us and married their BFs after being them them only a few months (C and I were together for 2 years before we got married). And they both got married before me. And our engagement, which was the longest, was only 8 months long. And one even got married 6 days before me. So no, they can’t relate because they’re either not at that place or never had to wait! 🙂

I couldn’t talk to my single friends because they just didn’t understand how much torture waiting is! But my sisters (awwww…. I should’ve said sister and SIL 🙂 both totally understood, so at least I had them, even though they’re both married.

Post # 14
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I completely agree. My friends that are engaged try to pretend that they were perfectly comfortable with their relationship and he just “surprised” them with a proposal! Really though I know they were waiting. One even said she wanted to wait much longer to get engaged, but he “just couldn’t wait” even though I know she threatened to leave him.

Other than that they are single, and one just got out of a bad relationship. Thats why the hive is the perfect place to talk to people who completely understand, and will admit it!

Post # 15
265 posts
Helper bee

Yup! Definitely feeling the same way!

My categories of friends:

–The ones that are single and wish you were single

–The married ones who tell you how much marriage sucks.



Post # 16
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I think I am pretty lucky – I have two close friends who are waiting. Although I did find out that I can’t talk to someone I used to think was one of my closest friends anymore… we spent years listen to her complain that she was ready to get married – including her making uncomfortable comments to him at dinners and then the second he proposed it is like she forgot all of that. So when I finally told her that I was ready to get married and am waiting for the boy to propose her advice was “ohh let it be. Now that I’m engaged I realise I should have just waited to see what happened” Its like… really? You were horrible for ages about it and I can’t even say that I simply want to get married? I thought her of all people would understand!

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