(Closed) Can your friends relate to “waiting”?

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
2689 posts
Sugar bee

Wow…I’m quite lucky I read.LOL Of my 3 close friends, 1 is married and totally remembers waiting and it’s agony(was with her guy 7yrs before marriage & started dating at 21), another is single and the last is waiting just like me. We all discuss it.

Post # 18
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think you sound pretty grounded in your post, and it is completely rational to be upset by friends who don’t share and embrace what is important in YOUR life. Especially if you are empathetic in listening to their problems. It is really hard to diagnose another’s relationship woes on this site, and I always wonder how good giving others advice really is (because obviously you are telling us the story of your friends as you see it). That being said, it is extremely sad that your Friend A seems more concerned with material things than keeping you as a friend. Friend B with loser, cheating husband may come around eventually, but if she refuses to see the light and your attempts at helping are being pushed away then there really isn’t much else you can do. Unfortunately, people change and are shaped throughout their entire lives. It sounds like you have grown out of these friendships. I have had this happen a couple of times in my life-and every time it has been hard to come to terms with. Try to join some social groups or volunteer in areas you normally wouldn’t. You can meet people who will get to know you at the point you are at in your life now. Don’t sit around dwelling on friendships that are dying-because you are missing out on great memories with friends you are yet to meet! Good luck.

 

(I personally have met some great people through my 5:30 AM workout class, volunteering, and going to event hosted by our property management)

 

 

Post # 19
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m sorry you feel this way. Losing touch with friends definitely cuts deep. Have you spent any time taking care of yourself recently?

When I’m feeling down and out, I try to focus on the positive and nothing gets me in that mindset like a bubble bath and a laugh-out-loud novel. It won’t solve the problem, but it might help you feel a little better.

Waiting is a rough time that some engaged/married ladies seem to forget about. They say memories are kind for a reason… Hang in there! 🙂

Post # 21
Member
28 posts
Newbee

I totally know how you feel!  When I was single, all of my friends were engaged/married.  Now that I’m in a relationship, I have 2 groups of friends – the married ones who now have kids/mortgages/etc, and the single ones who I can’t really talk to about the relationship or future engagement.  That is why I am sooooo glad you Bees are here!  Have you tried meetup.com (or is it meetup.org?)  They have fun events, like if you’re into sports, they may have a dodgeball team near you (apparently it’s very “in”!)

Post # 22
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee

Yup. My closest friends are either married or not even dating. I have one other ‘waiting’ girlfriend and she and I were at a ball game the other day with two of our single, never dated anyone friends. She and I were talking about our weddings and because mine actually has a month/year set, we were talking about things I’m doing to preplan. One of my single friends rolled her eyes at the other one and made the ‘crazy’ hand gesture. I wanted to throw a rootbeer float in her face. I didn’t though, which I feel like took patience.

I want to be excited and I want someone to be excited with me…but my sisters have both been married for over 8 years and each has two kids. 5 of my friends/teammates got married this summer. My mom is mostly worried about how much this will cost her. And my one, bff who isn’t married, has never been kissed, couldn’t care less about dresses, shoes, hair, rings, etc. Weddings are like torture for her. I wrote her an email today because I was really excited to have found these DIY invitations I wanted. She wrote back, “sweet!” Soooo anticlimactic.

Post # 23
Member
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

While I feel like I still have a lot of common with my friends I definitely feel alone in the waiting game. We have quite a few married/almost married friends, some long-term de factos (don’t believe in marriage) and some singles… no one quite in the situation that we are. No one to talk to about the frustration of waiting Frown

Post # 24
Member
409 posts
Helper bee

I’m soooo in this same space! All of my friends are either married and the couple of them who aren’t really don’t want to get married or aren’t looking towards it in the near future. It sucks. Even my best friend whom I’ve always told EVERYTHING I won’t discuss my waiting “complaining” with her. I don’t want people to pitty or feel sorry for me. I hate not having anyone to talk to. Thank GOD for the bee. If it wasn’t for you ladies I don’t know how or if I would have made it. You are the ONLY people I talk to about “waiting”. I like it better that way so at least once I do FINALLY get engaged everyone would be happy and suprised, not “it’s about time!” (even though that’s probably how I’d feel and I’m sure many of them are probably thinking that) A few of my friends always ask “when are y’all getting married” but I just blow it off. Even though it hurts.  

Post # 25
Member
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I can completely sympathize with this situation.  All of my closest friends are single and just dating around.  I don’t want to talk to them about waiting because they actually take the view that I shouldn’t be waiting – they get angry at him for keeping me waiting and say things like “How much longer are you going to give him?” and “He shouldn’t string you along like this, he needs to realize he’ll lose you if he doesn’t act soon.”  While I love them for being protective of me, none of them have ever been in a long-term relationship, and don’t understand that there are other issues that can complicate this kind of planning.  Talking to them actually gets me more upset.  That’s one reason I’m so thankful for a community like this, where you all understand!

Post # 26
Member
820 posts
Busy bee

My friends are all over the map when it comes to relationships and marriage but unfortunately I feel like no one really understands.

I really am grateful to find a group of girls who are in a similar situation.  It’s apparently hard for people to wrap their head around the idea of SO and I being more than boyfriend/girlfriend but not yet engaged or married, especially at this point in our lives.

 

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