Canadian bees – is it normal to have a "Stag & Doe" party to fund your wedding??

posted 5 months ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is a wedding fundraiser a real thing in Canada?
    Yup! Totally normal! : (15 votes)
    33 %
    It happens, but people think it's weird if you do it. : (15 votes)
    33 %
    I live in Canada and I've never heard of this. : (16 votes)
    35 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    2844 posts
    Sugar bee

    I’m from BC and I only found out about them last year from a coworker from a small town in Ontario.

    I don’t think they even do them in the larger cities in those provinces. My coworker told me that part of the reason they’re popular is because they’re often in towns without a lot of restaurants/bars/nightlife so people actually really appreciate them as a social night out. I don’t know f that’s true everywhere, but it was in her town. 

     

    Post # 17
    Member
    2419 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I’m going to be honest. I had never heard of this, but I’d certainly pay to attend because it sounds like fun. Raffles. Games. Prizes. 

     

    Yes, please. 

    Post # 18
    Member
    234 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    I’ve heard there’s a practice like this in parts of the American midwest too — it’s definitely regional rather than national.

    But in Toronto, the largest urban centre in Ontario, this is definitely not a thing and gets looked down on. There are some pretty classist assumptions here about people who hold these. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    712 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2019

    I’ve heard of them and have been invited to one (via facebook, which I declined). I think they are incredibly tacky and honestly have the worst second hand embarassment when I see photos of these types of events on social media. 

    Post # 20
    Hostess
    1452 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    denkyem :  I’ve been invited to many of these in the GTA area so you’re slightly wrong, I think it just depends on the circle of people and if it’s appropriate or not within that culture/circle. Obviously it’s not appropriate within the groups of people you know but it is with those that I know.

    Obviously like PPs said it depends on the social circle/culture of the area. They’re super common in my circle (usually I get invites for at least 1 a year) but registering for a list of gifts is tacky af in my circle and is looked down on (seriously no one I know has had a registry for their wedding/bridal shower, I’ve never been to one with a registry).

    theyre honestly a lot of fun, I’ve never had a bad time at a stag and doe it just depends on the people you’re with I guess. (And if you’re the host, bc hosting is tiring af) 

    Post # 21
    Member
    1065 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    It’s normal for where I’m from in Ontario. It’s considered a fun night out.

    However, now that I’m older I’m not a fan of them and choose not to attend.

    Post # 22
    Member
    71 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2019

    Yes, it’s normal in some parts of Canada. WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO DO IN RURAL ONTARIO EXCEPT DRINK??
    And yes, it can be seen as tacky because it’s a wedding fundraiser.

    I’ve been to some where it’s basically a makeshift casino where the couple is “the house”. Lots of alcohol, gambling games, and raffles. Good fun.

    I personally would not have one (even though it’s socially acceptable where I’m from) because I don’t feel comfortable asking people for money to fund my wedding and I also don’t have the time/energy to host another event. (I’m also not having a shower for this reason).

    I’m not a fan of people that have all three: stag & doe, bridal shower, and bachelorette – and there are a lot of people in my area that do! IT’S TOO MUCH $!!

    Post # 23
    Member
    1078 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    I had never heard of this type of thing until I started dating my Fiance. It’s apparently quite common in his circle, he has been invited to several and has attended a couple. In his circle, they are just Stag parties, so only guys are invited. The best man and groomsmen basically message every guy they know to sell tickets, it seems like. Even if they aren’t invited to the wedding (for instance, my Fiance was invited to one of these by his high school friend who he only talks to once in a while, and the groom was someone he hadn’t talked to since high school). My Fiance insists it’s normal in his group of friends from high school, and it’s not rude, but…I don’t know, not my cup of tea. But it’s his friends, he’s the one being invited, so I stay out of it now. Plus he says they’re usually fun, he goes if he has other friends going and nothing else going on.

    I live in WNY, and my FI’s friends are from the Niagara Falls area (in the US), for reference. Wonder if it’s something that has made its way across the border from Canada lol.

    Post # 24
    Member
    97 posts
    Worker bee

    I don’t find it any stranger than a bridal shower. 

    Post # 25
    Member
    162 posts
    Blushing bee

    I’m not from the states or Canada but I’m not sure why they are more tacky than bridal showers. In the other one you request stuff and in the other done you ask for money. Same about wedding presents. Why it is totally ok to ask for things in a registry but not money? And then the whole instruction that the amount of money given should cover your plate. In a way this is just more honest.

    Post # 26
    Member
    40 posts
    Newbee

    BC girl here. No one I know has ever done the stag & doe thing to fund a wedding. But I would like to go to one, it seems fun. So, if someone invites me, I’m in! I’d be definitely happy to go!

    Post # 27
    Member
    1400 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    I’m on the east coast of Canada and had not heard of this before the bee.

    Post # 28
    Member
    340 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’m not familiar with how a stag and doe functions, but socials are a very Manitoba thing. They do serve as a fundraising vehicle for weddings, sports teams, charities etc., but the reason they have become the norm is because they’ve a vehicle for community celebration. Frankly, it’s really cold in Manitoba for most of the year. People look for fun things to do, and a good social will have reasonably priced tickets, lots of good music, and very inexpensive liquor. Whole families will turn out for a fun night on the dance floor. One doesn’t need to know the host to attend, so they’re also a great way to meet new people and make new friends. I didn’t host a social before my own wedding, but I’ve been to many and they’re a good time. To anyone who is mortally offended by the idea I’d say don’t knock it until you’ve come to Manitoba and tried it. 

    Post # 29
    Member
    739 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    zeebee1 Because the stag and doe doesn’t take the place of other events, it’s in addition to them. So the couple will have a stag and doe to make money, but then also have a bachelor/bachelorette, a bridal shower, and a gift registry. It’s a cash grab plain and simple.

    I know lots of people in Ontario who have done them (including in Toronto so it’s not just a rural thing) but I’ve never heard of it being done in any other province.

    Post # 30
    Member
    304 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m from Ontario, and yes, unfortunately these tacky ass “parties” are pretty popular here. Less so in Toronto area, but I grew up in Hamilton which is super ghetto and everyone I went to high school with has had one so far haha. 

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