Canadian bees – is it normal to have a "Stag & Doe" party to fund your wedding??

posted 7 months ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is a wedding fundraiser a real thing in Canada?
    Yup! Totally normal! : (15 votes)
    33 %
    It happens, but people think it's weird if you do it. : (15 votes)
    33 %
    I live in Canada and I've never heard of this. : (16 votes)
    35 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    1129 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I’m from an urban area in Ontario and they are definitely a thing here. Almost everyone I know has had one. I personally didn’t because I don’t like them but they’re super common. It just irritates me when people have them when they’re not the ones paying for their own weddings.

    Post # 32
    Member
    1571 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

    The only time I’ve heard of this was a friend of a friend from Manitoba. It sounds horrible if you ask me lol so rude! Thankfully it’s unheard of here. I am from a large Ontario city (1 mil+).

    Post # 33
    Member
    61 posts
    Worker bee

    sarusarunna :  Yep- these types of Stag parties very common in WNY. Guys only and it’s their bachelor party. They seem fun. I’ve never heard of Stag&Doe here though. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    61 posts
    Worker bee

    I really don’t know why these Stag & Doe parties get shit on so much on these boards. If it’s not the norm in your area I get it, but if it is in some areas who cares. Gift registries and throwing a party specifically to receive those gifts would also seem super tacky if it wasn’t the norm we are all used to. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    246 posts
    Helper bee

    Everyone saying it’s a cash grab… yes. Yes it is. That’s literally the point. They aren’t mandatory to attend if you want to go to the wedding. It’s just a fundraiser to help the couple. I can see why some people find it tacky, but I genuinely don’t. The couple isn’t demanding that you attend and spend a specific amount. It’s fully optional and they’re always done in good fun.

    Listen, if I’m going out on a Saturday night anyway, I might as well go to a stag and doe instead of the local pub. I’m spending the same amount of money, but it’s going to support a friend or family member instead.

    These are very common where I live in Canada. Not everyone has them, but most people don’t blink an eye at the idea of one. We didn’t because I didn’t feel comfortable with having one personally, but I’ve still gone to them and I’ve never mocked anyone for doing it. The way a PP described it as though the couple is “the house” is pretty accurate. They’re a lot of fun if they’re well planned. I’ve honestly had a better time at most of the stag and doe parties I’ve been to than regular drinking nights out. 🤷🏼‍♀️

    Post # 36
    Member
    77 posts
    Worker bee

    Yes they are very popular here in Ontario almost everyone I know has one so we are invited to like 10 a year on Facebook because you legit just invite everyone on your friend list. 

    We aren’t having one because our families are helping us pay for the wedding so we dont need to have one. I only find them tacky when I know that the couple is already getting a lot of help from their families and both have good jobs so can easily pay for the wedding without one. I also roll my eyes when co workers come in and ask if anyone wants to buy tickets to their kids’ stag and doe. No Karen I do not, I’ve never met your son and I’ve barely ever talked to you 

    Post # 37
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee

    The worst part about it is how shamelessly people promote them. Constant posts on social media and every mutual friend sharing the exact same sh!t regularly for weeks on end. The “prizes” are usually lame af too because it’s junk people can donate for little to no cost. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    751 posts
    Busy bee

    gunnabamissus :  You’re spot on! Very expected in small town Ontario to have one and are usually held in a public rental hall with alcohol prizes for playing games. 

    I’ve since moved to BC and most people have never heard of them! 

    Post # 39
    Member
    1284 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’ve lived from the west coast to the east coast and in between I have never heard of this. But people I know are able to fund themselves,  professionals, have careers, save money. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    127 posts
    Blushing bee

    Not super common where I’m from. Both times I was invited to one were by people I was not at all close with and knew I would not be invited to the actual wedding. Just seemed very rude and cash grabby to me and I’m not at all a fan of the concept. 

    Post # 41
    Member
    54 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    I’ve been to more than I can count, and find them beyond tacky.

    My most memorable was my SIL… she told everyone about the 10k she raised at hers (it was massive), then proceeded to have a 2k backyard wedding and pocket the difference. 

    Though it’s the norm in my area I find them almost offensive, because I’m a big believer in the fact that if you cant afford your wedding it’s not my responsibility to pay for it. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    2671 posts
    Sugar bee

    If you need a stag and doe to finance your wedding perhaps you should scael back your wedding to something you can afford.  Sounds totally crass.

    Post # 43
    Member
    2645 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    ttw16 :  I’ve heard of a Jack and Jill party but to my knowledge that’s just a unisex version of a hen’s party or wedding shower

    Post # 44
    Member
    835 posts
    Busy bee

    Ontario Bee here….definitely a regional thing, loved in the rural areas. Im not a fan of them at all! But I find the Stag and Does tend to be for the younger couples, younger crowd. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a couple older than their 30’s having them….

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