(Closed) Cancel the Reception- Its Stupid Anyway

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

Whenever you invite someone to a wedding, you must have some type of reception. Even if it’s just cake and coffee afterwards. It’s rude otherwise. If everything else is stressing you out, cut back on what you don’t want or need.

Post # 4
Member
217 posts
Helper bee

Honest opinion? There “appears” to be a BIG controlling red flag waving high in the air. Do you think so as well?

 

Post # 5
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’d say give yourselves some time to cool off, and then sit down together when you are ready and both discuss the expectations you have for the day. Bounce some ideas off of him – presumably he doesn’t read wedding blogs, so maybe he doesn’t realize that there are all different types of receptions out there. It doesn’t have to be an ultra-formal sit-down dinner if that’s not what you guys want. The important thing is getting both of you on the same page. One other thing though – can’t you marry in the Catholic church without converting? No offense, but it seems awfully hypocritical to convert to Catholicism if you are an atheist, and even a little insulting to Catholics. Is that something your fiance is requiring of you?

Post # 6
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m so sorry he’s being so mean. Is it possible it’s just stress? That’s not an excuse to say those things to you but maybe it’s an explanation?

You definitely need to have the reception!!

Post # 7
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Rabbit, I’m so sorry that you have to go through this *hugs*

I know exactly what you’re going through.  I too am getting married in Milwaukee (but I don’t have the advantage of actually being there to do the planning…).  FH’s family did the “Oh we’ll help you with the planning!  Anything you need us to do, we’ll do it!”  And no one has followed through on the ONE thing I asked them to do.  Sometimes I feel like it’s pointless to go through with the whole wedding ceremony/reception because no one will help me, and it feels like too much work.  FH totally supports it (he hates celebrating anyway), which just pisses me off even more! 

I always wanted a Catholic mass, but I won’t let FH convert to Catholism for me and the wedding (he too is an atheist).  I think it’s completely unfair if you’re going through with the conversion (and you don’t believe in God!) and what with all the work that goes into converting to Catholism…and he won’t even help you plan it.

My advice is, when you calm down, have a calm talk with your fiance about what’s going on with you, and why it made you so upset.  You should let him know what you’re doing for him, and a little planning and a little help from him would be appreciated.  I know it’s hard, but just try to stay calm, and don’t retort with snide comments.  It makes it worse 🙁 (I learned that the hard way)

I hope you get it all figured out *hugs*

Post # 8
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m so sorry. Do you think you can both cool off, and when you’re cool, talk to him calmly about why he doesn’t want to mark it as the special day that it is?

I wonder if maybe you should have a longer engagement until you agree on what kind of wedding to have?

Hang in there!  Your WB girls are here for you.

Post # 9
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I am sorry you are so frustrated.  I went through a similar situation, though not as extreme as yours, when we first got engaged.  My Fiance thought that I was spending too much time doing the wedding stuff, discouraged me from doing so.  He had no idea what wedding planning entails.  It’s a lot of work and the sooner you get started, the better!  Maybe your Fiance doesn’t realize it, as well, and is just underestimating how much work planning a wedding is.

I suspect he didn’t mean what he said about receptions being stupid, or what planet is he from?  He probably didn’t like seeing you upset and think that you are overeacting to this little bump in the planning regarding the caterer canceling your tastings.

Take a deep breath and.  We didn’t book any vendors (except for the venue) until 7 months left until our wedding, and there are other people who managed to plan a wedding in shorter time.  You can still do it.  Reschedule the tastings with the caterer and work on something else. You might have to multi-task and get stuff done.  I really sympathize with you because I went through the same frustration.

 

Post # 11
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I originally wanted to elope too because our families are crazy! He wanted so bad to do the whole church thing because he’s catholic so we have been planning everything together.  At first he wasnt really involved but then i kept reminding him that i rather had have it the other way, now he’s all about planning everything more than i am.  Just give him some time, we are 6 mnths in now, maybe try going together to a bridal expo and get him more involved.  I let him take are of all the financial planning and I take care of the flowers and all the other things, good luck!

Post # 12
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Rabbit, I can’t speak for YSAP2M, but I would say HE is controlling. That you should be aware of red flags. I think you are being perfectly rational and reasonable, based on your description. So he hates receptions, hates, cakes, hates fuss. What does he like? He sounds very negative and like he is trying to control all of this.

Post # 14
Member
217 posts
Helper bee

You said you wanted a destination wedding, he refused. You want to have a reception and nice wedding, he’s not on board. It sounds a bit controlling to me. Just my honest thinking after reading your rant. Sorry if I’m completely off base here. 

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