(Closed) CANCELED WEDDINGS! Share your stories Brides!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Im so glad to have found this, have been going through a tough time myself lately and have felt really isolated.

 

My fiance and I have been together for about 6 1/2 years (living together for most of it) and engagened for 6 months (wedding planned for Jan). About two months ago we had an argument and ever since then he’s been a different person. He tells me were not “suited” for each other and wants to cancel the wedding, it feels completely bazaar, its like he’s a stranger. Gosh we were so happy leading up to it, no concerns or worries at all and he has even said he was not worried about the wedding at all, until all of a sudden now.

I feel like he’s wrapped up in this negative frame of mind and I can’t break him out of it no matter what my approach is (i.e understanding, angry, hurt and sad), he’s just all of a sudden treating me like he doesn’t love me anymore (even though he says he does).

I’ve been so devestated and hurt, I have no idea what to do. I’ve gone to stay with a friend for a bit but am not hopeful he will change his mind. 

What hurts me the most is that, if he thinks we have some issues that could prevent us from being happy, then my thought is that you focus on working those out…you do whatever you can to make sure you have TRIED as hard as you can…it doesn’t feel like he’s tried, it feels like he’s given up.

I guess my thoughts now are to just give him some time alone and try not talking to him for a little while however as soon as I left the house he sent me a message that night asking where the paperwork is for our reception so he can cancel it. How bloody mean! Couldn’t he have given it a few days after I left before saying something else, yet again, to hurt me?! 

I don’t get it and I wish I did.

Post # 63
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Hi all,

Maybe i should change my username now but well yeah, my fi cancelled our wedding yesterday, lots of bad stuff has happened…i’m useless with money and a shopaholic, i’ve totally messed up the last 7 months and got into a right mess without telling him, he’s found out and obviously doesn’t trust me, can’t say i blame him at all.

 

I am heartbroken, i’ve not slept and done nothing but breakdown in tears since he told me last night.

I adore him and love him so much, we have been together 11 years this year and have 2 lovely children. We have been through so much.

Today i’ve got to go and try to get my deposit( or at least some of it back) on my dress that i only brought a few weeks ago.

Apparently i am too impulsive…i am but i have also wrecked my life.

All wedding talk is done…i don’t know what the future holds and this is gut wrenchingly sad.

 

 

Post # 64
Member
629 posts
Busy bee

I actually have a story, but it’s from the groom’s side.

My cousin dated the same girl all through high school and university. After being together 8 years, he proposed to her. During their engagement, she became extremely possessive and controlling. For example, he loves playing sports with his friends, but she hates watching, so since she didn’t want to go and watch, he couldn’t go and play. It really pulled him away from his friends. Also, since she came from a traditional Italian family where lots of carb, meat and dairy-heavy food is made all the time, he was eating more but exercising less. Eventually, when they were discussing details, he said he wanted a small, simple Destination Wedding in a tropical island with just family and close friends, while she wanted the big blow out at one of the city’s most expensive venues with every person they had ever met (easily would have been 500+ person wedding). He was willing to compromise, she wasn’t, and she dumped him. Not even a year later, she married a guy who was willing to give her the big, fat Italian wedding she wanted, and my cousin went into a little bit of a depression. He ended up pulling himself out of that, got himself back into his college quarterback shape, and went back to socializing.

That was about 12 years ago. He has now been married for 9 years to an amazing woman (I actually plan on asking her to be a BM), has 2 amazing kids (almost 6 year old girl and just turned 2 year old boy), and basically the life he always wanted. His ex was divorced within a couple of years, and is still single.

Post # 65
Member
38 posts
Newbee

 Thses stories are hard but show all of us we need to listen to our gut!

 I think couples counseling would help stressed out or on the fence couples. Especially to help them feel moree confident in whatever choice they make,

 

 

Post # 66
Member
2610 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

A friend of mine told me AFTER she got married that a week before the wedding her and her Fiance got in a huge fight about finances and his gambling addiction. She took off her ring, thew it at him and walked out. They did not speak for a week. She then tell me that she seriously considered calling it all off but “people already sent/gave gifts”! WHAT?? You’re going to marry someone because people already sent you gifts?? She told me this after the wedding of course so there was nothing much to say or do. She didn’t even have a big wedding – they went somewhere with just very close family – about 10 people.

It’s been 4 years and they’re still married but not so much happy. She often brings up divorce. She says “I wish he would divorce me…I can’t stand to hurt his feelings by leaving him..” I don’t know what to say to her anymore…she seems so complacent. She admits to over eating and drinking out of boredom with her marriage…she’s gained about 100 lbs. They apparently stopped having sex after two years and the last time they did she said “She just lay there hoping it would be over soon”..

Sometimes I think they’d both be happier if they’d gone their separate ways. I’m sure it would have been hard. I think it’s good for the women here to share these stories. You can get through it, please don’t marry someone just because “people sent gifts” or “it would upset everyone”…when none of your reasons for getting married include loving your Fiance…well then that speaks volumes on its own.

 

Post # 66
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

My wedding isn’t cancelled just yet but I fear it’s going to be soon. My story is actually somewhat similar to Girlabroad….my fiance and I have been together for 4 years. We fight a lot and one day he came home and said he didn’t know if he wanted to be with me anymore. I asked him if there was anything I could do to change his mind and he just said he didn’t know. In fact…that’s his answer to just about everything lately. I’ve tried giving him space.  It’s just really difficult. I can’t sleep, I’m never hungry…I’ve lost 6 pounds so far and it’s only been four days of this. He came home the other day and wouldn’t stop hugging me and he was smiling. And then later that night he stayed in his camper in the backyard until 2:00 am. He’s going back and forth so much that I’m at point where I’m getting honestly mad. I’m trying so hard to be patient and kind during this because I know it’s probably not an easy decision. We have a life together…friends together…a home….pets….we have a routine. It would kill me to lose him but I’m starting to question if maybe that’s what should happen. The weddings in 3 months and I have no idea what to do. Everyone else still thinks its happening and I have no idea what to say. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 

Post # 67
Member
91 posts
Worker bee

somethingblue88:  I had a similar situation 10 years ago.  We had a fight and he told me he didnt want to get married anymore.   This was 2 months before the wedding, the day before I was to send out the invitations.  It was heartbreaking.  If counseling is a possiblity, it may help at least have a neutral third party who knows what questions to ask to help you figure out what is best for you both.  

Whether or not you are able to do that, I also highly suggest reading a book called “There Goes the Bride.”  I was actually a contributer, but regardless, it was very helpful to me as well. 

Post # 68
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Elaine16:  

I couldn’t remember my username but I just had to keep trying so I could reply to you until I got my IP blacklisted! LOL serves me right for not using the forgot my password option…

Anyway, I just wanted to share my story. We dated for for 1.5 years and were engaged for 2.5 years before the wedding. From day 1, I never had a doubt that he was the one – even my family loved him right away. Things moved so quickly (I think we bought our house after 10 months) because we just knew and there wasn’t a point in wasting time.

But the months leading up to the wedding were SO incredibly stressful (probably for 12-18 months but really intensified during the last 6-8 months). On top of normal wedding stress (and a custom dress that was so poorly made, no amount of $ could fix it just 5 months before the wedding) and trying to take courses part time, I was working full time + crazy OT for the most AWFUL boss, I was getting sick, missed my period 2x that year (first time ever), dropped 20 lbs and was underweight, had to take a medical leave which the insurance company denied 3x before approving, got into a car accident, found out we had to move out temporarily 2 months before the wedding, became insomniac … On top of all that, I have narcolepsy (go figure how you have both at the same time) so I was just beyond exhausted (and probably have forgotten a lot of other stressors cuz I was SO tired ).

So leading up to the wedding, I was absolutely miserable and everything turned into an argument. I knew there wasn’t someone else out there better for me, but I started wondering if I was just meant to be alone, if I’d always be miserable, what was wrong with me… The only thing I was excited for was for the wedding to be OVER!

I struggled to write my vows (and I’m a writer by profession!), I couldn’t think of anything nice to say in my speech and I dreaded showing affection in front of so many people!

On the day of though, everything just came together. No one made it through the vows dry-eyed, I ran out of time to edit my speech so it was mostly improv and I must’ve had too much to say cuz I heard it was too long, and never had I been more confident in proclaiming my love, even in front of hundreds of people. Surprisingly, it actually DID turn out to be the best day of my life!

A few weeks ago, I had my last straw at work and decided my health, happiness and marriage was way more important to me than the money, so I quit. I’ve never been happier, our relationship has never been better and he’s happier too! I’m taking the summer off to rest, rejuvenate and really focus on my priorities – our marriage, his happiness, my happiness, my health.

Obviously, I don’t know your personal situation but keeping the romance alive after so many years takes work, sacrifice and dedication on both sides, so maybe your feelings are just a reminder to find what’s missing and put it back!

Post # 69
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Oh wow just realized this thread is years old. Sorry!

Post # 70
Member
10953 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

My canceled wedding story has a happy ending.  Dh & I started dating about 10 yrs ago, he prosposed a little over a year later & I accepted.

What I didn’t realize (but my closest female friends sure did, was that I was going through a huge hormone shift–starting peri meno that made me super irritable).

We lived together for a summer & his then 16 yo slacker son stayed with us, really working my last touchy nerve.

I ended up deciding I just wasn’t ready to get married & pulled the plug.  Dh took it incredibly well.  He’s a very patient man.  We never broke up & he never pressured me.

Years later, he mentioned we should get married for some very practical reasons.  This time, it felt right.  I went through with it this time & we’ve been very happily married since 2010.

I certainly knew him better & what I got to know, I liked.

As for slacker boy, he’s a grown man now, in school & holding down a full time job & in another state.  I’ve got 2 adult stepsons now, which is a blessing.

So my canceled wedding story has a bit of a twist.

Post # 71
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

Elaine16:  Hello Elaine, my wedding date is April 8th 2015 and I am absolutely living the same situation as yours… i really need to know the end of the story I think this could be very helpful. I am waiting for your answer! Hope everything ended great for you. Thank you for your help/support. 

Post # 72
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

Elaine16:  Hello Elaine, my wedding date is April 8th 2015 and I am absolutely living the same situation as yours… i really need to know the end of the story I think this could be very helpful. I am waiting for your answer! Hope everything ended great for you. Thank you for your help/support!!!

Post # 73
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee

April_Fools_Bride:  I had to cancel my wedding in early 2013. It was horrible. My ex-fiancé had been acting oddly for a couple of days, and had been a bit depressed for a couple of weeks. He came home and picked a fight with me and told me he didn’t want to marry me and I put the ring on the dresser thinking he just needed some time and we’d work it out in a few days. So I asked a friend to pick me up. As soon as I left the house he had a full on psychiatric episode and got really scary. He had never shown any hint of anything like that before and I feared for my safety.

We had lived together for 4 years, engaged officially for 6 months and had bought a house the year before. We had a dog that was just the center of my world. I wasn’t able to return to my house to collect any personal items and I had only my purse and a change of clothes.

I had no money because our accounts were all joint and he cleaned them out and I had to call my parents in another state and tell them I was coming home with only my purse. I had to cancel with the wedding vendors. I lost the deposits. I lost the equity I put into our home, furniture, clothing. I couldn’t bring the dog. I lost all out friends because they didn’t know what happened and they were all his friends first (I’d moved to his state.) 

Worst of all was being humiliated. I didn’t want to tell anyone what happened, and I needed some counseling for a while to work through it. I had to rely completely on my family and friend for support while I looked for work and got back on my feet and get new identification documents and everything. I had to change my number and close all social media accounts because he tried to contact me hundreds of times a day asking me to take him back. He even made a YouTube video begging me to take him back. People saw it. 

I wasn’t able to sell my rings or my dress. I eventually donated it to Goodwill. The rings are still in my trunk. 

The whole thing was one of the worst experiences of my life but I’m better for it. I’m closer to my family. I live in my home state again after 15 years (I didn’t know how much I missed it!) I’m working and I have my own money. I’ve replaced my belongings and my car. I have worked on myself with a therapist and I feel like I’m a better person now- more in touch with my feelings. I have a healthy, happy relationship with a kind and loving man for a year and a half. My life is good now and I feel like I dodged a bullet honestly. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by  identicallists. Reason: Forgot words
Post # 74
Member
16 posts
Newbee

Kate10:  I know this post is so old but my situation is very similar to yours. I am completely lost, hurt and just don’t know what to do. 

Post # 75
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I am just like your single friend OP. I definitely am more worried about who i have children with as opposed to who i marry, it’s much more permanent and lasting by so many more years and in so many more ways. 

The scary thing is, I’m engaged to this man who i already have a child with. We have a one year old and are scheduled to be married in 2 months. I am that coffee shop bride. I am completely miserable but am still going through with the wedding. Everyone knows I’m unhappy. But the way i see it,  we already have a child together and honestly we’ve been together 7 years on the wedding day so its not like i know a life without him. I know our marriage won’t last forever, but I’ll deal with that later on. For now I’m just trying to get through a day at a time. 

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