(Closed) CANCELED WEDDINGS! Share your stories Brides!

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 106
Member
481 posts
Helper bee

This story isn’t about me but about an old (terrible) friend of my fiance’s.

A couple of years back, a female friend of my fiance’s started dating a guy who was five years younger than her. Not a big difference but she was 28 and he was 23. Despite her being the older of the two, she was definitely the more immature. They had a LDR and after about 3 months of dating, she told him he had to “shape up or ship out” because even though he absolutely worshipped her and did EVERYTHING for her, she felt it wasn’t enough. He took her on a nice vacation to Mexico where he proposed… not even being together for four months at that point.

She said yes and moved in with him, while the whole time complaining behind his back about how much she didn’t want to be with him and how she could do better. When my fiance asked why she was staying with him then, she responded that she had a trip to Cabo with some girlfriends in a few months and wanted to keep him around until then so he could babysit her two kids.

Sure enough, the second she got back from Cabo, she broke off the engagement, returned the ring, and kicked him out. It was awful.

Post # 107
Member
5 posts
Newbee

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zl27 :  Hi!! I just wanted to update you! So the guy I started dating last time I posted is now my husband. He is better than the man of my dreams! We are expecting a little baby soon amd I couldn’t be happier. It took a long time for me but I’m glad I hung in there. Thanks for encouraging me because it really helped. God bless you!!

Post # 108
Member
10651 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
lonefirefly :  

Oh a success story , how lovely and how nice of you to come back and tell us !  Congratualtions and all with the baby , yay!

Post # 109
Member
5 posts
Newbee

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elderbee :  THANK YOU!  I always wonder how people fare and I just wanted to come back and spread some hope:)

Post # 110
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2016

We’re considering cancelling our wedding because my doctors are very close to diagnosing me with kidney failure. And I’m not sure I want the stress of dialysis along with the stress of a wedding. My fiance wants to get married at the JOP as soon as possible to be sure I get on his insurance and so he has a little more say in my health if something happens since I have no family within several hours of us. 

 

He also literally can’t wait to wear his ring. He keeps opening the box giggling and closing it and then putting bit back in the place I thought I had it hidden. 

Post # 111
Member
1258 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2022 - Maui

Well Iʻm divorced but I knew I had my doubts before the wedding….

 

Bascialy I felt very “pushed”. He came from a well-off family with a huge family heirloom ring and grand notions of the fairtytale i wanted so badly. I told him I didnt wanna get married right away, I had just graduated college and wanted to enjoy being back home. Nope. He proposed a week after graduation. I said no the first time he asked. I said we had issues to work out and I wasnt ready. Basically he said, “okay, lets try this again, turns out he was STREAMING THE ENGAGMENT TO OUR FAMILY LIVE. So I saved face and said yes. I tried for a long engagment (18 months). Before I knew it I got receipts from vendors for a February, not October, wedding. My brother is military, couldnt make it. My famiy was ecastatic (mormon), cuz I was old, 22 non-virgin, I needed to get married cuz no one else would want me. blah blah blah. Every time I tried to bring something up, he dismissed me, sushed me, told me to get over it, told me to be happy this was an exciting time in our lives. Or he would pull a grand gesture to satisfy me. It wasnt. Secrelty, he was facing multiple serious legal charges for things heʻd done while I was away at college. He used our savings on defense attorneys and gave me a $300 budget for a dress, I thought he was just being fiscally responsible so we could buy a house. So I bought a used dress and had it altered to fit. Everyone was so ecstatic I didnt know how to stop it. I wanted the fairytale so badly and I bought it all hook line and sinker. My dad knew it was wrong, he asked me at the church doors if I really wanted to do this, and said, “Now is too late Daddy, I gotta do whatʻs right” and we got married. The morning after the wedding at our resort, he ditched me to hang with the boys cuz he wanted to “actually have fun”. I remember feeling like I had destroyed my life for someone who didnt even see me, and I just started balling. The honeymoon was worse. I didnt get to do 1 thing that I wanted at all, even lay out by the beach and in LAX I found pictures of other girls on our camera from the beach who he thought was “hot”. But we were buying a house and we were legally married in the church I wanted to marry in since I was a little girl. I stuck it out for 2.5 miserable lonely years. The day I asked for a divorce, the whole world lifted off my shoulders. I could breathe. I was alive. I was gonna be okay.  3 months later I met my now-fiance. He picked up all of my pieces. He watched me go thru the thick of the divorce and was held me every night reminding me I was gonna be okay. He is magic. He is my rock. He is my world. He is the man I should have held out for.

 

DONT SETTLE LADIES. IF IT FEELS WRONG, IT IS! WAIT FOR MAGIC.

Post # 112
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I called off a wedding 3 months prior and it was the best decision I ever made. I had so many reasons not to – we had been together for 6 years, owned a house together, had a dog that I was very close to, all our friends were mutual, my family loved him, our finances were combined, and on top of all of that he was a genuinely nice guy. But I knew in my gut that he wasn’t the right person for me. I confided in a few close people, but they convinced me it was cold feet and that he was a great guy. The closer the wedding got, the more upset I became. I would have anxiety attacks and was completely miserable. As soon as we sent out the invites I got to a point where I couldn’t function and ended up calling it off. Starting the conversation was really hard and it took guts I didn’t know I had. It was really difficult and the hardest time of my life. I moved out with nothing and had to completely start over. I lost friends, upset my family, and had to start over financially but it was completely worth. 5+ years I have rebuilt my life and am the happiest I have ever been, and that includes being happily married. When I think of how my life could’ve turned out, it still makes me sick to my stomach. In the end, you can’t worry about anyone or anything except if it’s what YOU want. Calling off the wedding literally saved my life.

Post # 114
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

It happened to me a month ago. My ex fiance called off the wedding 2 weeks before the wedding date. 

On top of that, he never brought up that he had concerns about getting married all along, instead he acted normal (caring, talking about future and arranging meetings with wedding vendors, buying wedding rings..etc ) even until the night before he packed up, left our apartment with a note and refused to talk/text with me. I was shatterred, wathcing my life suddenly breaking into pieces in front of me.

I couldn’t believe he could end things this way. We were living together for 4 years. He said he did this because he “feared for his safety.” It was the first time that I’ve ever heard that he’s scared of me. I was very saddened by the fact that he thought his action would make me furious than devastated. There were many false accusations that he never brought up with me before in the letter, and he also blamed me for some of my actions that he acutally didn’t like, but back then he seemed fine with it or treated them as my adorable traits. Basically he blamed 100% on me.

I was stunned. The man I loved so deeply for years didn’t speak the truth for so many things, trival or important. Apparently he’d been thinking about breaking the engagement for a while but did not even borther to bring up and discuss about it. If he had done that, at least we’d have a basis to work on and give it a try together.He was already announcing to his side of guests that the wedding had been cancelled when I was desparately looking for him and wanting to talk with him. 

I believe every couple has their own problems that need to be addressed, if things are beyond repair, at least you should have that basic decency to talk with your partner and end the relationship properly. I’m still haunted by the sudden change of his attitude overnight and I can’t stop anylizing his behavior. I will never forget the gut-wrenching pain. 

Has anyone experienced your fiance’s sudden change in attitude in a broken engagement? 

Post # 115
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I have been divorced, ended and engagement, and cancelled a wedding two months before it was supposed to take place, and now I’m getting married again in two days!

i loved my first husband and never had doubts going into the marriage. We were pretty happy for several years, but we had married young and we grew apart. The end was a long messy thing because even when you are amicable, ending a marriage is hard. 

The next guy was totally different. He was emotionally and verbally abusive. We were together four years when he proposed. I said yes, but I don’t know why. He had stolen from me to gamble, and had gotten me in tens of thousands of credit card debt because of his gambling and lying. He lied about going back to school to me and his family, and lived off my income while picking fights with me every day. I had been thinking of ending it for years, but he was really good at manipulating me, and I couldn’t let go of the feeling I had early on in the relationship when things were so good. After we got engaged, I just couldn’t do any wedding planning. My mom would suggest a church, his parents wanted to schedule engagement photos, and I just couldn’t do it. Four months after the proposal, I ended it. 

I still wonder why I stayed in such an awful situation for so long, but it really gave me compassion for others who have such a hard time ending relationships. It’s never easy, even when it is absolutely the right thing to do. Two months after ending the last relationship, I started dating my Fiance. It sounds fast, but like previous  posters, I had been so emotionally done with the last guy that I was more than ready to move on. We got engaged a year later, and everything was just so right, like never before. We set the date for May of this year.

Then we cancelled the wedding we had been planning for eight months. Everything was booked and deposits were paid. We had even picked out our songs and had the diy centerpieces. It was a done deal, until his parents suddenly insisted we get married in the Catholic Church. Since they had agreed to have the wedding at their home, we couldn’t just tell them no. Well, we tried but that didn’t go over so well. Neither of us is religious and we didn’t want to lie in front of all our family and friends so we opted to cancel. It sucked and it was hard, but we were united and stronger than ever.

Now, we’te getting married in a very small ceremony on Saturday, and I couldn’t be happier. You never know what life will bring, but I do know that living up to other people’s expectations is no way to live. I have spent way too much time worrying about what other people think. Guess what? No one who matters in my life cares that I have cancelled a marriage, an engagement, and a wedding. I did what I needed to, and they love me just the same.

Post # 116
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

I am going through cancelling a wedding right now. Although it’s me that’s doing it and I am heartbroken. I got my with fiancé when we had both just turned 16 and spent the last year of school together, he then moved in with me and my dad about 9 months after… down to his family are such hard work and he hated living with them. We have grown up together, college, first jobs, driving tests, holidays. We got engaged after being together for 7 years and are getting married in 6 weeks time so nearly been together 9 years. But the last few months I have felt myself drifting, finding myself liking attention from others and I know something’s not right. 2 weeks ago I broke the news to him that I don’t think I can go through with the wedding. Everyone has said it’s just wedding nerves but actually I think it’s just opened my eyes that it’s now or never to make a decision! We’ve spent the last 2 weeks apart to have some space and I’m more and more realising that I feel like I want to be on my own, I have so much to experience, I’ve only ever know life with him, and as much as that’s lovely, I don’t know me. I’ve relied on him all my life and I want to know more about me and my independence. It’s killing me because I love him but I’m scared that I may not be in love with him anymore. He is amazing and the nicest person but I feel like it’s not for me anymore and he is heartbroken and struggling with it all. I have 6 weeks till the wedding and telling everyone is terrifying me but I’m scared to go through with it knowing I’m not 100% in love with him anymore 😩

Post # 117
Member
8 posts
Newbee

I got engaged when I was 21.  I immediately started having doubts, and every day the pit in my stomach got bigger.  After 2 months, I knew I was making a mistake.  He was very controlling, much like my father.

I was so afraid to tell my parents, I put it off for 2 weeks.  When I finally did, they were angry at me, saying how could I get engaged to someone if I knew I didn’t love him.  It was awful.  

I am now married over 30 years and I couldn’t be happier.   My daughter is now getting married — she also went through one broken engagement!  Her fiance is the nicest, most supportive guy and we are thrilled.

So, certainly break it off if your gut is telling you to do so.  It will all work out.

Post # 118
Member
92 posts
Worker bee

Funny enough i woke up so sad this morning since my wedding was supposed to take place this coming weekend, logged into my account and here i see the post for cancelled weddings, and good to know there are ladies out there who’ve been through this.

i broke off my enagagement while planning my wedding and i do not regret doing so, however i do feel a knot in my tummy to think that i would have been married within 5 days…

i than put my e-ring back on with a little 2 piece ring making it look like a set… just to make me feel that rush i know its crazy but it is comforting right now… 

there have been many moments when i felt like giving my ex another chance but everytime i want to do so he disappoints me. it is hard seeing everyone around me getting married and here i’m back on the waiting list… but i dont regret cancelling the wedding which could of ended up in a sour divorce and i am no advocate of divorce.

 

Post # 119
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m contemplating cancelling my wedding and think I need some perspective. 

My fiance and I got engaged early this year and he wanted to get married soon so we set the date. I’m not really the bride type, so I’m just organizing something simple since our families have to come from very far to join us on that day.

One thing I was very particular about before we got engaged was letting him know that I could not marry a man who would put me through the humiliation of enduring a bachelor party. (I know I’ll get a ton of judgement over this, but I hold myself and those around me to high standards). 

He had been to his best friend’s bachelor party when we first started dating and there were strippers and all sorts of disgusting stuff. I found out by accident and they denied everything – as they do, while also trying to use the “trust” argument to difuse the situation. The bride was completely humiliated and I promised myself that day that I would never be this person, and that I would rather be single than to marry someone who would do that kind of crap to me.

Well, here we are 6 months away from our wedding. His best man (same inconsiderate ass* above mentioned) is pressuring him to have a stag night. His exact words were “You have to tell your fiance that you are going to have your stag and that she gets to dictate 3 rules. Just as I did with my fiance”. That’s the thing, though.. His fiance dictated the 3 rules and he disrespected the two most important ones. And then they all lied about it and now he is married to this poor girl. 

 

My fiance is a loving, considerate man and I know he loves me dearly, and when we got engaged he told me he would not put me through any hurtful situations, specially after I put time and effort to organize a wedding I didn’t even care that much about. But now I am afraid he is going to cave to his best man and end up lying to me. I trust him, but this group of friends brings out the worse in each other and I don’t trust any of them. 

The last thing I want is to end this relationship, but I feel like if I marry someone who would put me through that crap I will be betraying myself. I don’t think I could forgive myself. 

 

Thoughts?

Post # 120
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
Diana_ :  I say cancel it. It sounds like you’ll only ever have doubts about his honesty (whether it’s this or something else). “Dictating” a party I not healthy. Will you dictate his life? Who he can and can’t be friends with? Whether he can see family? If you’re having doubts now, it won’t get better. My ex wanted to dictate my life. Told me he wished my parents were dead so he didn’t have to deal with them, isolated me from my friends and only let me be friends with those he found and approved of. It is not a good feeling when someone wants to dictate your life and by having these questions and doubts it seems to answer the question itself. 

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