CANCELED WEDDINGS! Share your stories Brides!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 121
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Diana_ :  cancel your wedding over a fear of a bachelor Party? Serious?!

Post # 122
Member
70 posts
Worker bee

anthonyswife :  that was my thought. What will happen when other struggles come up that happen in married life? I can see be disappointed about a bachelor party but canceling the wedding over it? Obviously there’s something more serious behind this 

Post # 123
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2018

dogloverforever :  Nothing serious behind it. I just find this tradition (which is not something we have in my culture) very offensive and disrespectful. I love my fiance very much and we spoke about this. We are not having bachelor parties and will act like people who actually love each other. Thanks for the insight. 

Post # 124
Member
70 posts
Worker bee

Diana_ :  so you’re saying if someone has a bachelor/bachelorette party that they don’t love the other person. Gotcha. 

Post # 125
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2018

dogloverforever :  No. I am saying that a man who loves ME, would not put ME through that because if he proposed to me he knows how I feel about bachelor parties. I think people are free to interpret these things as they see fit. I find these events fundamentally hurtful but I understand that other people may feel differently. I just couldn’t possibly marry someone who would put me through that. 

The way I see it, bachelor parties are a way for guys to “enjoy their last night of freedom” and I have a few problems with that concept.

First, if a guy is getting married he probably hasn’t been single for a while. The concept is old fashioned, appropriate to a time when men were forced to marry women they would only meet on their wedding day. That would justify “the last night of freedom”. Using that excuse these days days when men and women have plenty of time to enjoy their single life before deciding to commit to someone of their chosing, that just screems sleeziness to me. 

If a guy wants to be free to lick wipped cream off a stripper’s nipples, he is not the type of person I would want around me anyway, so he can go be free to do that every night of the year if it pleases him.

If a guy proposes to me, it means he chose me. No one is forcing or pushing him to make that call. Why would he then behave as if marrying me was an awful ordeal that entitles him to go do sleezy shit a week before we get married?!

If a guy thinks marrying me is going to be such an awful dark prison, he shouldn’t marry me in the first place. Now, if he wants to marry me, he will be free to have his fun with his friends any time he wants (as he is at the moment), as long as he doesn’t use those moments as an excuse to be unfaithful and disrespectful.

Regarding other problems we will face in the future, I am completely certain that we can tackle them as long as they are not generated by us knowingly and wilingly inflicting pain on each other. It just isn’t who we are and I feel pretty certain about it. 

Again, I think people have different beliefs on the topic and I know I will get a ton of judgement on this belief. I respect other people’s views and their right to behave according to those views. 

The truth is I have had my heart broken too many times and I decided that I would hold myself and the people around me to high standards. I worked on myself a lot to become someone of value for those around me, so I feel like compromising on something like that would mean settling for less than what I deserve. 

Luckily when I brought up the topic, my fiance was completely understanding and reassured me once again that he would not put me through anything that I would find hurtful. 

Sorry for highjacking the post. 

Wishing you all the very best. 

Post # 126
Member
332 posts
Helper bee

Diana_ :   I am the same. I do not want to marry the man that likes a bachelor party. I do not mean by it a party where the men go bowling and have a buffolo wing. I mean the party you have where, in the days before the man vows himself eternally to a girl, he for some reason wants to look on an other naked girl and imagine how nice to have sex with her. Because marriage to you is like a prison, life sentence, hard time! So enjoy freedom when you have it!I really hate this and it is on wedding bee all the time the heart break that comes from the dumb party. 

Now, since I know my man a long time I know the quality of him. He does have a wild friend. But even before my objection he is not the kind that will go to the lowness of a bachelor party like I describe. It is below his manhood to do a thing like this, a insult to him, to me, and to his mother. He looks down on a man such as this as weakling that do not honor women. So, it is not my objection keeping him, it is his own soul and his disgust for that type of men he never wants to be. 

I think, if your man has love for you and has knowledge of your feeling on the subject he will not think to do it. He will go for your approval and respect before his friend. BUT also consider, is your man the type that think such a thing is acceptable? Is OK? Meaning ,except for you saying no, he will go?  I myself can not marry a man who thinks like this, so different then me. So, I advice to think carefully on it. 

 

Post # 127
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2018

mrsnyctola :  Thank you for understanding.

We chatted about it and it is all good. I read all those threads about the hurt and betrayal that happens in these things, even with good men who those things seemed out of character to. 

I’m glad you found yourself someone who understands and disagrees with this hurtful custom as well 🙂

Post # 128
Member
1275 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Diana_ :  Feeling a lot of empathy for your feelings.  I agree with nearly all of it.  Sexual activity at a bachelor party would be a relationship ending event for me.  Still, my fiancé is having a bachelor party.  We have set clear boundaries and have a level of understanding and trust in what we each need to feel safe.  He’s retreating into the woods to spend a weekend in a cabin drinking with his groomsmen.  I know each of them, and while some are wilder than others, I do know they would never let something happen that would hurt me. 

Instead of a hard “no” to an opportunity, perhaps consider setting clear ground rules as a compromise?  I know what it feels like to be hurt and betrayed, and women’s sexual objectification in nearly all aspects of modern life is not something to joke about, but I’m wondering if it would be therapeutic for you to try and practice compromise over black and white, yes or no decisions.  

It sounds like you have a great guy who is sensitive to your needs.  Maybe what you need is to work through some of the trauma that has derailed you (as it should most women in my opinion).  Could help you feel a greater sense of safety to loosen the rope and see him succeed in meeting your needs while also being able to enjoy more freedom. 

Post # 129
Member
70 posts
Worker bee

bridetobe2018 :  

Diana_ :  

I think that’s how I felt. I guess I was put off by the “people who actually love each other” as it feels like anyone who is ok with a party doesn’t love the other person which isn’t true. Also, not all parties are like that. In fact, I’ve never heard of a single one in real life that was like that, from other either. Maybe the people I know are just more subdued. All the people I know (and this family, friends, acquaintances, etc) are more likely to go to the sports bar and have a few drinks, play pool and watch the game while the girls have their nails done, see a movie, have some drinks and a pajama party. Maybe we’re just really boring 

Post # 130
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: March 2019

 his was so comforting to read. I am in the process os making my decision to cancel my wedding. It is exactly 3 months away. My fiance is mean and insensitive. He  is cruel and ungrateful. I have done so much for him over our 6 years together, with very little he has contributed. I accepted the proposal out of pure excitement that someone wanted to marry me again. After 1 failed marriage of 18  years, i had this vision in my head of a perfect marriage and created it in my mind as a fantasy. I know how I ended up here. Giving people chances they truly don’t deserve. It’s like he wants to see me hurt because I am so blessed. He is broke, no money ,no job. I have paid for my entire wedding. I live in my family house and allowed him to be here. I should have left him the 1st year we met. I  feel so sad and so ashamed that I have let things get this far. I pray to God everyday to help me. He is on probation and is a convicted felon. I blame myself for allowing my head to charge my heart. I just wish he would go away. I don’t know if that will make it easier, however, when he talks to me, it seems as if he is screaming at someone else. The arguments he starts is never related to something i’ve done, it’s CRAZY Making. The fights don’t even make sense. I don’t get mad anymore because I realize they are not about me..he is clearly talking to someone else just using me as the emotional dump site for all the filth in his spirit and soul. If I ever witnessed SATAN in the flesh, it is him. His family  warned me, even his children. They don’t even talk to him or deal with him because he is such a cruel person. He uses is dad and sisters for his own selfish gain. I am so lost right now, I know I am making the worst mistake of my life. My family does not want me to marry him and niether does my friends. They have vocalized this to me many times. I hate that I have come this far having hope in such a cruel person. I want out and don’t know how to get out. I want my life back, without him in it. He wants my money and for me wait on him hand to foot..always needing something. I want to call the police and have him taken away. The only reason I won’t is because his father is dying and he can’t handle anymore hardships. I truly belive the only way out is to have him arrested for his cruel treatment. If he violates his probation he is facing 60 years. I should have known better, but I guess hope floates. His family loves me dearly, however I knwo that blood is thicker than water so i don’t complain to them. They always tell me they know how he is. I am being tormented ontop of all that I have planned a wedding and paid for it. God says vengence is his and I don’t want any reprocutions of doing harm to him, but I don’t know any other way out but to have him arrested on a probation violation.

Post # 131
Member
24 posts
Newbee

lflucas1 :  Follow your gut.  Call the police, or stop by the police department and tell them you need help arranging police supervision of you kicking out your abusive bf/fiance.  He has no rights to your home.  He has no job, no money, and doesn’t pay your bills.  Get police help, and help from family and friends.  Agree on a specific day, and tell him you’re done.  He needs to leave your home.  Tell him any resistance will result in police action and a restraining order.  

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