- 4 years ago
Hi everyone, I’m Jillian. <br />I am new I just don’t know where else to reach out for help. I have mostly been using the site for ideas and planning/DIYing my wedding. I enjoy reading the boards but haven’t posted yet.
My story- my fiance and I are 27. Two years ago, we made a big decision to move cross country from Philadelphia to southern California, on a whim, without jobs or a place to live. It was a crazy whirlwind I wouldn’t change for anything. Our parents are very supportive and wished us the best. It made our moms a little sad, but they have visited and we have gone back to visit. It seems to work out that we see each other three times a year. Bittersweet but they love visiting us here. We each have one younger sister who still lives at home. We found jobs that pay our bills but are nothing special.. but we are happy. We just signed a lease for a new apartment starting May 1st. We are so excited about it. It is carefully budgeted into our wedding saving plan.
In September, we got engaged, and started planning a destination wedding in Big Sur 10/10/14… it was going to be an intimate (50 guest limit, mostly all family) wedding at a private estate (google – wind and sea estate, big sur, ca) and I have booked a great photographer, hair and makeup artist, just started arrangements with a caterer, paid the deposit for our pricey venue, booked and paid for an officiant.. and am constantly ironing out details up until yesterday. Two weeks ago, we sent our save the dates. I couldn’t be more excited and happy because everything is looking like it will be just like we pictured it. <br /><br />Our budget is really really tight. We have a strict plan to save money so we have no debt from the wedding. With a little help from our parents, we are on track to have the approximately $18000 it is set to cost by August. My mom has been helping so much, she and my dad were married in a courthouse…. never having a wedding of her own, she really is getting into the planning and I can see the joy it brings her to help. I have given her little jobs to help out of the last few months. Its hard with her so far away. But we were making it work.<br /><br />However, on Thursday, my mom felt a lump in her abdomen. Having no serious health problems in the past, she went in for her cat scan on friday feeling optimisitic. It’s nothing, she said. I am a busy preschool teacher on west coast time, but I managed to text my mom on my lunch break to see how it went. She texted quickly back that the techs couldn’t tell her anything, she would find out results on monday. I thought it was no big deal. Until around 7 PM my time, 10 pm theirs (which is late for them), my dad called me and asked if I was home. If my fiance was there. If I was sitting down. Then I heard him start to cry. And I got the news I never expected. They were immediately called back in to the docter that afternoon. My mom has advanced ovarian cancer that has spread to the abdominal wall and partially to her liver. They estimate she has a year left. She is 59 years old. I broke down and barely slept last night. I am so far away from my family. <br /><br />Today, all I can think about is that my mom has to wait 2 weeks to see a cancer specialist. They will probably require surgery immediately. Then hopefully start chemo. But I just don’t know what will happen between now and our wedding in 7 months.<br /><br />Has anyone dealt with anything similiar? I am feeling like I should call off these expensive plans. It won’t be financially easy for me to fly home and lose time at work to see my mom. But I want to be able to do that as much as I can. My mom was upset that I wanted to change my plans, she said to wait and see what happens when she meets a specialist. But I told her I wouldn’t mind just doing it in the backyard at home (home meaning east coast) because I care more that she can be there. Then, she said what broke me down even more… “Jillian, even if I’m not there, I’ll be there.” That hit me really hard. <br /> I am having this panic about changing plans and having a tiny last minute wedding at home (moms home) ASAP. My fiance is on board with whatever I decide. But I want my mom to feel good, be healthy and enjoy herself, especialy if it is the last big party we get to share together. If we wait until she starts treatment, she may feel awful. or not be able to travel. or not be there at all. I want to call all my vendors and cancel here, but something is stopping me. I feel this sadness over the loss of my dream wedding. And that makes me feel like the worst person alive. But I feel so much more saddness over the idea of my mom not being there. And the money saved could fly us out there to visit her a lot over the next year. I am so beside myself. I don’t know where to reach out. No one I know seems to know what to say. <br /><br />Please, any advice, encouragement, stories.. I am in need of support. <br />Thank you so much for reading my novel