(Closed) Canceling wedding when a parent gets bad news… :(

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
1465 posts
Bumble bee

 I am so very sorry about your mother.  I absolutely agree with Hyperventilate.  I was orphaned as a child so neither of my parents were at any important events in my lifetime.  I would kill for that opportunity.

In a heartbeat I would cancel the wedding and get refunds right now.  The sooner  you cancel the sooner they can rebook – which is good for you.  Tell them exactly what is going on and hope they refund everything.  

You don’t need to know what the specialist is going to say to know that tough times are coming.  Get things cancelled now so that you can concentrate on your mom.  Once you know what the Dr says then plan your wedding back home.

I would have had my weddings in a garbage dump if it would have meant my parents could have been there.  I am really serious about that.  Cancel now and get that off your plate.

Post # 17
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
jillano:  I don’t really have any advice for you other than what other people have said. I just wanted to give you an internet hug and let you know I will pray for you. I’m so sorry you have to go through something like this 

Post # 18
2769 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I am so, so sorry that your mom is doing so poorly Jillian. I had tears running down my face as I read your post. I want to send you lots and lots of internet hugs!!


I think part of why you don’t want to cancel your wedding plans is because that will make your mom’s cancer seem SERIOUS. It will be one more thing to make the disease and the fact your mother could die feel really real.

If I were in your shoes, I would try to work out some sketchy plans for how, exactly, you could work out getting married ASAP in your hometown – what would you need for a license, etc.? There is probably a Facebook group for that town or neighbourhood you could post your story in to ask if anyone has tables, decorations, is able to be an officiant, maybe even a dress you can borrow and a tux for your Fiance, a ladies’ group like the Royal Purple or the Eastern Star that does catering for donations – you could probably pull together a wedding in far shorter time than you would think if you crowdsource like that.

In two weeks, you’ll have a better idea of which wedding will be best to do for you and your family.  I think that place in Big Sur sounds lovely and gorgeous – and it will still be there if you do an anniversary party to invite all your original wedding guests, if you need to do your wedding early.

And also – if you need to cancel, any vendors you have given deposits to in Big Sur who DON’T give you full refunds are evil demons who deserve the full scorn of the Internet, which is mighty.


Big hugs, really hoping for the best!


Post # 19
35 posts
  • Wedding: October 2015

I am so sorry to hear about your mom!( Big Hug)


I don’t think you should make any decisions until your mom goes to the specialist.  Wait until you have some more information and some time to really think. I also agree that calling the resort to find out if you can get a full refund wouldn’t hurt.  The more details you get will hopefully bring a little clarity to an amazingly hard decision.


My father passed away three years ago and I would do anything to have him be able to come to my wedding. However, once we heard the news (it was sudden tragedy) our minds were racing and that’s when we start to make rash decision. I know my mom was going to sell the house, we were all such a mess. Some advice that was given to us was not to make any big decisions right away. I know you have a time limit but do at least enough time to get all the information you need to make this large choice.


I would also consult your mom. Unfortunately for you there are so many variables that you can’t make a perfect resolution. Life just isn’t that easy or fair.  I’m sure she has lots of wisdom and at least you know even if it does work like you want, she supported you in your decision.


Good luck, with all the hard times ahead. Understand that no matter what you do don’t regret it because it is not until the time comes do we really know if it the right thing to do.

Post # 21
2060 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This breaks my heart for you. I’m so sorry and I will pray for you all.

Post # 22
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I hope all goes well with your mom’s treatment.  

Post # 23
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am so, so incredibly sorry for your family. When I was still young my mom had a cancer scare. It turned out to be nothing, but it took a month for doctors to conclude for sure hat it wasn’t cancer. That was the worst month of my life. I remember telling myself over and over how I would never take anything my mom did for me for granted again. I honestly think that you need to cancel your wedding, tell all the vendors about your situation so hopefully they will give you a refund, and go spend time with your mom.

Post # 24
1575 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX

Sending you and your family my thoughts and prayers. I think you made the right decision.

Post # 25
3879 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012


View original reply
jillano:  I am so very sorry! What a sad, horrible situation for your mom, you and your family.


If it were me, I’d probably get married ASAP while my mom was feeling up to it so that she could see me get married.

Post # 26
3879 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Sorry, I just saw your update. I think down the road you’ll really be happy you had that “silly” little ceremony. 🙂 Having your mom see you get married will mean more than a fancy destination wedding. ((hugs)) Best wishes to your mom and her procedures. I truly hope and pray for good news.

Post # 27
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I am so so sorry to hear about your mom’s cancer. That’s so sad.  I hope you have the most beautiful wedding ever with all of your family in attendance!!

Post # 28
1781 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. I can only tell you about my personal experience. My dad became very ill last September, and passed away in October of last year. He had cancer, as well as numerous other health issues. We talked to my mom about moving up the wedding, even doing the ceremony in his hospice room. SHE said absolutely not. Her response was that if we moved up the wedding, it would be telling him that he wouldn’t live to see the ceremony, and he would give up hope. I understood where she was coming from and respected their wishes. As it turned out, he won’t be there for the wedding, which is incredibly painful. But I know I would have felt worse about disregarding her wishes during his final days. 

Talk to your mom and dad and see how they feel about it. Follow their lead on this and respect their feelings.

Post # 29
380 posts
Helper bee

You will never, ever regret that you chose this path.  Love to all of your family, especially mom.

Post # 30
20 posts
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m so sorry that this is happening to you and you’re family. Cancer is so unfair, and terrible and it just sucks. Unfortunately, my fiance are in a similar situation. His mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in the fall, and just recently they found nodules on her lungs. Our wedding date is in August. I have thought about this, but not yet vocalized changing our wedding date to my fiance (I  think it makes thinks so real, and so hopeless…which is just a terrible feeling). I thought when she was first diagnosed that it is really important to have her at our wedding, and if at one point that doesn’t look like it will happen, we could be legally married in front of our immediate family, and then have our “wedding” celebration in August, still as planned. I honestly try not to think of this, because we are stil in the unknown phase, as things have recently changed and she’s no longer a candidate for surgery. It sounds selfish I think to myself to still want my wedding, however, it is so important to me because I finished chemo for hodgkin’s lymphoma 4 years ago. I feel sometimes that cancer follows me around and ruins all the good things in my life, however, I know that life can be random, and in truth, all you can do and plan for is to enjoy the time you do have, and do what makes you and your family happy. You should enjoy every moment, regardless of what could happen, and you should just spend the time you can with the people you love. 

I am sending all of my love and positve thoughts to your mom, you, and your entire family. 

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