(Closed) Cancelled on Bachelorette

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

“I sent messages to my friends asking if they were coming and to let me know by a set date, then I would let them know cost per person as it would be based off of how many people went. Well they RSVP’ed and I explained it would be price per person and I told everyone their portion and they’ve had half a month to get the money in”

Nope, nope, nope, nope. This is why you find out the cost BEFORE people commit to participating. She probably wasn’t expecting her portion to be so expensive. Now that she knows the full cost, she realizes she can’t participate. Sorry, but I think this one is on you, Bee, and I think you’ll just need to eat the cost.

Like Daisy_Mae was saying, you can’t expect someone to commit to something without knowing the cost.

Post # 21
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Just chalk it up as a loss and never pay upfront for her again. A friend and I did a bridal shower for another friend at a place with this kind of set-up. I did not choose the place nor this kind of set-up, but agreed to split the balance with my other friend should we not meet the minimum. I would mention my disappointment to her, though.

Post # 24
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Beachy53:  While it stinks she backed out, don’t ever spend people’s money.  Maybe at the time $200 or whatever would have been fine, but now it’s not from what I’m getting.

I personally would not plan a bachelorette over Labor Day weekend because so many people do things with their families, so you cannot begrudge her for visiting her out of state family.

And as an aside, I really dislike how these multiple day bachelorette parties have become so popular now.  Whatever happened to just spending a night on the town with your friends.  Now everything is multiple events over multiple days.  I think social media has made these events more popular and everyone wants an “epic” party.

Edit: Keep the husbands out of this.  There should not be any awkwardness between them.  And lesson learned for you not to pay for everything ahead of time.

Post # 26
71 posts
Worker bee

I set up a house for Memorial Day weekend last year with some friends. We originally had 10 people committed, so I gave them the price ($50 each) and told them that they needed to pay by a certain date. Well, almost none of them paid on time, so I fronted almost all of the money myself. I had to practically hound a couple people for money, and one person didn’t pay me until the actual weekend. My friend’s cousin ended up dropping out, which meant that his friend dropped out as well. That was after I had collected almost everyone’s money already, so I couldn’t get anymore money from anyone. Luckily one of my friends were kind enough to lend me the money for one of the people who had dropped out.

So the whole process was incredibly frustrating, which I bet anyone who has done this sort of thing before will tell you. Honestly, I would count myself lucky that only one person dropped out. Of course, $130 is a lot more to cover than $50, however I think you need to account for at least one person dropping out when you set this sort of thing up.

I don’t think this should have ever been your responsibility, though, as your bachelorette party. The other bridesmaids should have gotten together to pay for it. And if they couldn’t, they should have done what they can afford (another weekend than Labor Day, perhaps).

As for what to do about this girl… Be annoyed, complain about it to your husband, perhaps to a few of your bridesmaids, don’t worry if she finds out through word of mouth that you’re annoyed (as you should be), then move on. I wouldn’t confront her about it, nothing good can come of it.

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