(Closed) Cancelled the wedding…

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Honesltly I have NO clue.  I still struggle with this.  We went back and forth about this for  18 months!!  In the end, we decided to do the wedding our way with our money.  For us it wasn’t just that the parents wanted it done their way, it was the way they approached and interacted with us.  We felt very disrespected and there were many attacks on our characters if we had differing opinions on how we wanted our wedding.  I couldn’t take it anymore and knew we had to take over.

I will say, that we dont have any parents in ailing health, so that definitely makes your situation more complicated.  

Good luck, at some point you will have to make a decision and stick with it.  Focus on the prize, you are marrying your love.

Post # 4
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

You are not a monster, that I know.

I also know that there wasnt really a right or wrong decision here, but you are not a monster.

Anyone could argue both sides of the story here, but I think that as long as you are comfortable with your decision and handled it with grace and respect for your parents, which it sounds like you did, you are perfectly in your right to cancel the wedding.

A wedding for many isn’t always exactly what they want. To me a wedding is about us getting married, which we could do by ourselves in a court house, so a wedding reception is about sharing it with friends and family- I suppose it is just a family gathering with a focus on you. Which means that friends and family need to be comfortable coming, parents are proud and are going to want input etc. That doesnt mean however you have to give up your style and desires completey. 

As for your father, I am sorry he is not well. It is a real potential that he might not be there for your wedding and that is something you have to accept. Is it possible that you could have a small blessing of your future marriage in the UK withi him there and participating? Its not a marriage, but its something he can be part of.

Post # 5
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

darn! I am getting a lot of double posts lately.

Post # 6
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Yeah. Weddings mean a lot to families. And you never know how much until you start planning one! 

I”m not sure if i have the details straight but do you live in Canada and your parents live in the UK? I would suggest a romantic elopement and a long visit with your pops (but i’m sure it’s more complicated than this will solve)

My wedding is getting taken over by my partner’s family and their standards … My own family has been schooled in not crossing me so it’s quite humbling to have to suck it up and let his order white table cloths and stem wear for my camping wedding … 

Post # 7
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Could you do your small wedding here like you want, and then a reception and maybe vow renewal with your parents in the UK? Best of both worlds?

At the end of the day, you don’t want to look back on your wedding with resentment or disappointment for not being true to yourself. But I think in your case, you don’t want to look back at it and feel like you’ve let your father down either. That’s a hard balance to find. At the end of it though, all he really wants is to celebrate you and your Fiance and how happy he is for you. So if you can find a way to make that happen on a smaller scale that you’re more comfortable with, why not do that?

Post # 8
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with

@bakerella:

Y not let your parents have thier party in the UK and you have your small ceremony in Canada?

 

 I think another thng you need to think about is, will you be happy and be able to live with the fact that your dad may not be able to attned your wedding becasue you wanted it a certan way? How will you feel if he doesn’t make it to see you marry?

Post # 9
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

A wedding isn’t SUPPOSED TO BE anything in particular.  There are many types of weddings and all are appropriate.  Small, large, private, elopements, DWs, courthouse, etc.  All are special.  All are meaningful.

I think in your situation, just as your parents expected you to bend towards them, you are an adult and it is your wedding, so they should have expected to bend towards you as well.  But you are right, when others pay, they make the decisions.

I don’t think you are horrible.  You are well within your rights.  I’d try to keep talking with the parents if I were you and try to reach some sort of compromise if that is at all possible.

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