Post # 17
@Macys: Marriage is a serious decision and commitment that people take too lightly these days. I commend you for realizing that and having the maturity to back off of it knowing it wasn’t the right step for you to take at that time. You will be sad, and then you will be glad. Keep yourself busy with things that make you happy and things that will help clear your mind. It seems like you need some serious “ME” time. I hope it all works out for you in the end!
Post # 18
Stop taking his calls. I know you think you’re trying to be supportive, but exes don’t help each other through breakups. That’s not how it works. Tell him to stop contacting you – a clean break will be much better in the long run.
Post # 19
@kellyk1214 Great question that I kick the shit out of myself mentally about everyday. So I’m way ahead of you on that one.
There were days or moments where it seemed like things would get better. We loved each other, and I thought we could be married someday….just not in time for spring. He’d convinced me that all couples have problems and that this was just a temporary thing and we could go on with life. I thought we’d emerge stronger, more unifed and connected through the struggle. My dr warned me that I was in my window if we were going to have a baby…so we went for it.
He had a kid, I had a kid and a child together was going to be the glue that brought us together. He even agreed that our lives would blend with a new baby. We talked about this baby, prayed for this baby and I guess I was in denial.
Now I’m stuck with no relationship, emotional destruction and a new baby. IF I could drink about how screwed up my life is right now… I definitely would drown my sorrows at the bottom of a bottle of grey goose.
I wanted a family, and I guess I’m just as guilty as the next person for trying to make my dreams come true.So nobody feels worse about this than me.
Post # 20
That really sucks that it turned out this way. Regardless of the circumstances, I think all babies are blessings and you will love it in every way you know how.
Post # 21
@Macys: Um, excuse me? “…the emotional destruction I caused…” Your Fiance sounds like he can’t take responsibility for his actions. You were right to get out. He may never grow up.
Post # 22
Don’t beat yourself up about this. You were trying to make a relationship work. And you recognised that it wasn’t going to work before you went through with the wedding. The baby complicates things a bit at this stage. But this baby was planned for and conceived in love.
My fiance and I both have children. But our children were a bit older when we met, and we have held off living together / getting married until now, mainly for that reason. It was hard on our relationship, but it wouldn’t have worked if we had tried to blend our family.
Post # 23
@Macys: You will be sad for a while, but definitely not forever. And probably not as long as it feels like right now. And for less time if you stop taking his calls, for sure!
Rather than listen to the content of his rants, or feel guilt when he screams at you about “ruining his life”, think to yourself “This is my ex screaming at me, not my husband. It is so much better that this is not my husband. I don’t have to plan a divorce. I don’t yet have a child with this man whose life is being made miserable by an unhappy marriage and a divorce. I don’t have to live with this screaming ranting guilt-tripping. That was a bad situation but I made the best choice available to me at the time.” His tantrums should be reinforcing the wisdom of your decision, not making you regret it.
Good luck- I hope the psychodrama dies down soon and you’re both able to find peace and happiness.
Post # 24
You are so strong for making the right decision for you and your child. Planning a wedding is stressful but getting married with all that resentment cannot be healthy in the long run. I agree that postponing the wedding was the right thing to do, but it sounds as if he was not willing to do this – and moving out and cancelling the wedding was the only thing you could do at this point. I’m so very sorry and you will find your happy place someday again.