Post # 1
This is round two. At first, one of my friends was helping to plan a destination bachelorette party on the East Coast. About 10 people were excited and said yes in December and then when it came time to confirm, only two people said they would go. I understand it is money, but it did hurt some considering that some of my friends have spent alot more at other people’s bachelorettes and bday destination parties for friends they do not even know as well. And that everyone was in until it came time to buy tickets or get a hotel. Now on round two, my friend planned a destination party on the West Coast for West Coast friends. I decided to just buy my ticket once people on the West Coast said they were in. Now, people are cancelling left and right due to work or money or saying they can’t really committ until the month before. I’m really sad about it and now I am stuck with an expensive ticket. I don’t really want to guilt trip anyone so I just say it is ok. I think people don’t realize that now everyone is coming up with an excuse. I feel lame going by myself or making my great friend go with me for just the two of us. Maybe I feel lamer since my fiance’s friends are going in a group of 12 or so and have been planning for months. He is sad to see me so hurt. Any suggestions on what to do?
Post # 3
Is everyone far away from each other? Do any of them live relatively close?
Post # 4
Honestly, I’d just go with the one girlfriend! WHY NOT!
I have been so bummed cause so many people haven’t been able to come to our destination wedding (like, we’re having 30 versus the 80 we thought)… but the more I think about it, the more I realize that the ones who truly matter will be there – and it will be fun no matter what!
Travelling with just one person will be awesome – no disagreements over where to go for dinner / drinks… no peer pressure to get wild. Just go… have fun. Have a spa day, spend a day at the pool, go to happy hour and be guaranteed a seat.
I vote just do it 🙂 YOU can make Vegas fun, be it with 1 or 12 people 🙂
Post # 5
Honestly, I would just go with your awesome friend and have a girls’ weekend. You have the ticket, you have an amazing friend, why not make the most of both and go enjoy yourself? It really sucks, but try not to let comparisons get you down. Having just planned a destination bachelorette for a friend, which occurred on the same night and in the same city as her fiance’s, it seemed like the guys were a lot less flaky than the women. We had a lot of last-minute cancellations and more than a few of the guests didn’t contribute their share of expenses as agreed. My understanding is that was not a problem for the guys at all.
Post # 6
I’d just go!
I know it sucks, but it’s also not really fair to say “they spent more on other peoples’ bachelorettes” – you don’t really know where they are financially compared to then. Just go and have a good time with your bestie.
Post # 7
If you have the ticket just go, and have a bachlorette closer to home. I think in thise case because the parties are destination it harder for people then a local night out.
Post # 8
It’s NOT you. I have noticed this trend A LOT with other brides, friends, etc. I don’t know if it is “facebook phenomena” or what the deal is. Many will commit, appear excited, FB and BBM the crap out of the topic, then privately let you know that they cannot make it. They will back out and give endless reasons, like if they don’t come, no biggie, because they won’t be missed as lots of other ppl are going, right…right? And everyone has this attitude, and then no one comes, or next to no one. People will live their lives through the lens of others, or the internet, or even worse, not at all.
Some refuse to just go through with their committments without giving a thought that it would really hurt that person that they are not going to be there sharing with them. It could just be money…most likely it is–do you know how many pretend to have a lot more than what they actually have? you just don’t know. Or, it could be emotional. You know, a jealous boyfriend, or no interest in gambling.
You just don’t know.
I really think you should just go with whoever can go. You will have a blast and want tobe with people who actually want to be there, not grumbling internally because they are there because they feel obliged.
I don’t understand it, but know it can happen.
Post # 9
Thanks for the feedback. I felt really down. I’m not a cryer, but I definitely cryed some last night. Perhaps, this is part of it. My friends don’t see me cry (I hate crying in front of people) and I’m very easygoing and always making jokes. My fiance thinks people take advantage of me constantly because I’m not demanding whereas he sees others in my friendship groups being demanding and therefore, getting their way. I’m just upset that I got really excited and actually bought a ticket because others said they would buy a ticket after I bought mine (and was trying to avoid the flakiness of the first round). I’ve never had a party before for myself (not even a bday party..it’s always on a holiday and people are too busy or it is bad timing). I will ask my friend to go with me and take her out for dinner and drinks. Out of all the people invited, she is actually the most cash-strapped, but has been the most enthusiastic all along. I’m not sure if I should talk to the other girls who said they were interested in coming, but I don’t feel like begging. And honestly, the ones who are closet to me and call me up in the middle of the night or have me meet them when they are lost, are the ones who decided to buy tickets elsewhere four times last year just for fun and have also just bought tickets now, but can’t commit to mine. I know I don’t know everyone’s exact financial situation, but it hurts to be chosen last because oh it won’t be a big deal. I’ll try to make lemons out of lemonade!
Post # 10
@fivemonthsnotice: I agree with this! I know a lot of people and even friends of mine tend to be flaky. I was supposed to have 5 girls come to my bachelorette party weekend, and not I’m down to 3. The only thing you can do is make the best of your situation. You can still have fun!
Post # 11
Thanks again. Should I mention to my friends that my feelings are hurt or suggest a bachelorette party that is more convenient for them and see if they can confirm that? Not sure if I left people off the hook too easily because I just said oh, it’s ok, I understand. But, I didn’t know that pretty much everyone would bail out and I think people think if they don’ go, it’s not a biggie or plan to not go together and don’t realize that actually something really important to me won’t end up happening. Bummed about the plane ticket though.
Post # 12
I think you should use your ticket and just go with whatever friends can go with you.
Sometimes, when people are asked to commit to something they will say yes and sound excited because they don’t want to upset the person asking. This exact scenario happened to a friend of mine and I am certain that she was very upset that a lot of us could not make it to her destination bachelorette. I know in your case that your friends have done this before for other friends, so that sucks, that you know they would do it but just can’t or won’t for you.
Post # 13
I know it’s hard to not take it personally, but @fivemonthsnotice hit the nail right on the head.
If it’s just you and your bestie going, you are going to have a blast. You have to appreciate the person who is going, not mourn the people who aren’t!
Post # 14
@Bichon Frise: I know! I have a few friends who do this, will commit to things, FB about it, then PM me that they have a migraine or Boyfriend or Best Friend is over…and cancel. I hardly ever try t oget together the “girls” anymore cuz my girls are all over southern Ontario. The last time I tried was before Xmas. Well…some couldnt make it legitimately and a few others cancelled the day of and I had 2 left.
I think especially with wedding planning that some girls cannot handle the idea of a friend getting married and living that “girly dream” of the engagement time, wedding, dresses, etc. I am not suggesting that this is what is happening with her, but I have had a friend already tell me she cannot attend my wedding as she hsa her bf’s distant cousin wedding the same night as they are having it at their parents house trying to save money.
Really? They are trying to save money and have it at their parents so they are having it on a Sunday evening like us?
Post # 15
So another update…I called my awesome friend and she was quite upset. Turns out her thesis advisor wants her to defend her thesis two days after the weekend in Vegas. It is not her fault, but total nonsense on his part given that he told her she could defend it in July. I’m not angry with her at all, but a bit disappointed inside. So bummed out. I made the mistake of calling my mother and telling her what’s been going down. She sympathized and said well you can have fun with just 5 girls in Vegas. Oh, I wish I had even 5 girls. Then she turned it back onto an earlier argument I had with my dad about the guest list and why I was wrong because friends are not as important as I thought. My fiance and I are paying for our own wedding, and my wanted to invite a bunch of his friends(I’m inviting two of his lifelong friends who have known me since I was little). Meanwhile, I’m inviting family I have met once in my life or speak to once every four years. I’m not inviting other friends to make room for that. The previous argument was bitter and just not what I needed to hear.
Oh well, one of my other friends is organizing a bachelorette night where I live. I should be grateful, but my awesome friend was annoyed that it was phrased in the way of what is convenient for everyone else and what everyone else wants to do instead of considering what I might want. Something is better than nothing. It’s just hard not to let this influence how I feel about the rest of the wedding events and friendships in general. Meanwhile, I’m stuck with a ticket. My fiance might come with me to Vegas so the ticket isn’t totally wasted. That is sweet, but he’s going to Vegas twice already in May and June for his own bachelor party. Meanwhile, his bachelor party is up to 12 people with many of his friends practically begging to go. It’s hard not to compare and just feel shitty. Sorry for the vent!