Post # 1
I really need your advice / help on the current situation. My FH and I are really thinking about cancelling the wedding. The cancelation of the wedding has nothing to do with us not wanting to get married or being together. Honestly we simply want to take the financial loss with deposits and elope. I could go through the whole story about why we are feeling this way, but the story would go on and on. I will put a few points down while trying to condense them.
Thank you in advance for all your help!
– First I never really wanted a wedding in the first place, but my FH wanted to do so for his family (he was really close with his aunts when he was younger). So we talked a lot about it and decided to go a semi-traditional route. After that I did start to get excited about the idea of having both sides of the family involved in the planning and just to have a special day for us. However, it has became no where near that! My future mother inlaw has been treating us very poorly, which to me was a surprise but to the rest of the family I guess it is not un-normal for her to treat people like this. She actually has not talked to us in months, no longer is contributing anything to the wedding financially or emotionally. She also was suppose to do our Save the Dates and Invitations (which she volunteered to do, because that is her type of thing) and when she stopped talking to us…she also left us hanging with the Save the Dates. We were forced to rush around and try to find someone to design them in a month of when we wanted to get them out.
Not only is the issue of my future mother inlaw weighing on us, but everyone is both of our families seem to add their 2 cents everywhere because we are not having the complete traditional wedding. We are doing a small intimate ceremony with only the immediate family memeber. We are not having bridemaids or groomsman, but rather we each have a couple on the side of us that is the couple. It is to resemble our closest couple we look up to, to find guidance of what we want to strive for in our marriage. However, each family seems to be upset about the ceremony choice and that we are having it where we live…which may I add is the same distance between my family and his. An hour drive for both!
I am not close with my extended family, so honestly I don’t think a lot of them will come. Or at least not come in a supporting / loving manner, but rather forced or obligated.
What do you think? Should we elope and go on a great honeymoon with the $ we have already saved??
Post # 3
It seems to me, that you need to take stock of what is important to you. So far it seems like you are trying to please everyone else with your wedding. Since that doesn’t seem to be working, you might as well please yourself.
Are you happy with the decisions you’ve made and the vendors you’ve booked so far? Do they reflect you and your FH’s wants and needs? If the answer is yes, then keep planning the wedding! Stay true to your vision. Do what you want to do, and stand your ground.
If the answer is no, you need to do a little more reflecting. Can you alter existing plans to suit your vision, with some or all of the vendors that you’ve currently booked? If you can, consider whether you and your FH want to put in that kind of effort.
Finally, if you feel that there is no way to salvage the current plans, eat the deposits and elope. THE most important thing about your day is that you and your FH are happy with the decisions that you’ve made.
I know that you wanted the wedding to be a family experience. However, if you’re being treated unfairly, you need to do what is best for YOU. Twenty years from now, will you look back and wish you had done things differently?
Post # 4
I agree. Maybe stop telling other people about the details (the problem people I mean, not your friends or whomeevr else you share exciting happy times with) If tehy ask, just always say “we’re still working on it” or “its a surprise” If what you really want to do is elope, DO IT!
Post # 5
I’m eloping so I may be biased, but I would say elope (only if you truly want to). You can even buy an elopement package to wherever you want to go and they’ll take care of all of the details for you! 🙂 Good luck with your decison!!
Post # 6
Throughout the course of your life, you will have the opinions of friends and family trying to make you question/change your choices. Don’t let that alone dissuade you from having the wedding you want. If it feels like the wedding you’re planning is what you both want, then just do it and ignore all the chatter.
Haters gonna hate.
Post # 7
you have to do what you want, getting married is not all about the wedding. I told Fiance that i did want to have a wedding but that if it was going to be something really stressful I would rather elope, because its all about us and our relationship. I do not think a wedding is worth it if its going to be stressfull, thats not what it’s about, so If it’s too much and not fun anymore, I say elope!
Post # 8
Hi! I just wanted to give some updates – we eloped 2/23/2012! 🙂 It was the best decision we made for ourselves and our relationship. We wouldn’t have did it any differently. Now looking back on it we would have definitely regretting continuing with the wedding for multiple reasons. I don’t know why the pulling of the tigger was so hard. 😛