(Closed) Cancelling the Wedding

posted 12 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It sounds like your instincts are telling you that you shouldn’t marry this man. I’d trust your instincts since you sound pretty certain. And as others have said, there’s TONS of red flags in your post about your Fiance.

Post # 18
Member
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Personally, I think it sounds like he has a lot of baggage that isn’t necessarily his fault, but that still exists. If you are even considering sending him away and you can imagine living without him, don’t marry this guy! There is no reason to rush into things, especially when you’re only 22.

My sister cancelled her wedding after having the gown and everything, and she ended up meeting the man of her dreams a few years later. I know she would have regretted it if she hadn’t gone with her instincts. Trust them.

Post # 19
Member
1818 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i think you have answered your question by posting on here. if you can honestly say that you have doubts and are not happy. then do not marry him! you deserve to be treated like a princess.  the fact that you cant talk to him is a major red flag! i say cancel it right away. and get back on your feet. 🙂 best of luck!

Post # 20
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Red Flags EVERYWHERE!  It is really hard to tell someone to cancel there wedding. Only you can make that choice. But, it is NOW that you need to decide if your willing to accept his behavior.

RED FLAGS

1. He sounds as if he has NOT worked through his issues around losing his wife. YOU can be empathic but YOU can’t fix that pain for him. GRIEF is a process that has to be worked through before getting into another relationship. Plus it is not your job to feel like you should make up for HIS pain. (by staying cause you don’t want to add 2010 cancel wedding to his pain.)

2. When you fight he turns his back on you. FOR this to Not turn into a divorce you MUST communicate. If you are not communicating after a two year relationship then you HAVE NO relationship. Jealousey is a dangerous emotion. Without TRUST in a relationship you have nothing but DIVORCE in your future. Is that what you want to be a year form now? A divorced women at 23?

3. Why are you trying to convince the man you are marrying that you aren’t that beautiful? HMMMMMMMm do you have any self esteem? Trust me. the man you want to marry should be telling you and everyone he knows what a beautiful special women he is about to marry!

4.Why is the man you are about to marry living with you and your parents? Even in this BAD economy a man should work. Without working a man cannot feel like a man. Man’s natural instinct is to support his wife. If he does NOT have that instinct then HE is not a man that would be husband potential. Please….re-concider whether you want to work two jobs AND live with your parent even 2 minutes longer. Especially as a married women. It sounds to me like neither one of you are ready for a committment like marriage. Do your parents want to raise you and you and your husband? Is it even there responsiability? NOT!

5.You are 10,000 in debt? He spent 1,200 his parents gave him on junk? Your both living with your parents and have spent 10,000 on a wedding? This is crazy! Trust me….it is cheaper to cancel NOW than spend more money trying to support him any longer and pay off future debts and file for divorce. Hopefully you won’t have children before this all crashes. Would they deserve a dead beat dad?

6. How do you cancel? Tell him the truth. This isn’t what you want for a lifetime committment. Send him down the road. Drop him off at a friends house and say the locks have been changed and my parent are no longer going to support you. AND NO do not give this man any more money! He is 34 years old! He is an able body person….Tell him to get a job!

Post # 21
Member
253 posts
Helper bee

It sounds like you worked through a great deal of this as you were posting and you know in your heart and gut what is the right thing to do. Take care of yourself and keep posting as you process this big decision.

Post # 22
Member
5 posts
Newbee

If you are feeling that “I just can’t marry him”, I believe you have to honor your instincts and intuition and not marry him right now. Nothing says you have to decide never to marry him.

I do think there are some red flags in the relationship, but really none of us can make that decision for you. Only you can decide if the issues that are causing your uncertainty are valid enough to never marry this person, no one knows the true cituation as well as you do.

As someone who recently called off a wedding (for different reasons) I know that it may seem horrible and seemingly impossible to go through cancelling a wedding, but it can be done and you can do it. I had to do it after everything was paid for and the invites went out, if that hasn’t happened for you yet, I suggest you make a decision before payment and invites!

As far as how to tell him, I say just be honest and kind, have the integrity to say what you are feeling and treat him respectfully in the process. I personally don’t think that  you owe him a plane ticket, he is an adult and took that risk by coming here. but Maybe offer to split it with him if you feel an obligation? Or maybe he needs to experience things on his own and figure out how not to depend on you financially?  Good Luck!

 

Post # 23
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with the other Bees, it is better to cancel the wedding than divorce quickly after. REALLY better. Not to mention quicker and cheaper. Cancelling a wedding only hurts your pride, but divorce hurts everything – it is sooo damaging, please don’t put yourself though that. 

If you cannot imagine a future of happiness with this man, then don’t marry him. You really will meet better men in the future, who will genuine love and cherish you, who will trust you and want to invest in your future together. Wait for him, and have your first wedding with him, not with this guy. 

(And I vote for not paying for his plane ticket.)

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