(Closed) Cancelling wedding halfway through to start over

posted 4 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
Member
9918 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

What does your fiance think about this?

Post # 4
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@vchilders126:  Yes i’ve been there, originally i was going to have around 100 guests but then decided that I just can’t afford to spend all that money on a bunch of people that I haven’t even talked to in years, and that what was really important was the ceremony between us, so now we are having like 26 guests super small and I couldnt be happier, it gives us much more room to organize details and not worry about losing a fortune

Post # 6
Member
9918 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

If you have nonrefundable deposits, I’d go through with it.  That’s a lot of money to throw away.

 

However, does your mother have a reason to think what she does about your fiance?  Does she see something you don’t?

Post # 7
Member
7272 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@vchilders126:  I think you really need to have this discussion with your FI. 

If it were me, I would keep the venue & the caterer and make it work for a smaller group. Your wedding is in December, so I assume your invitations haven’t gone out yet. Does the venue have a smaller room you can use? Can you schedule it for fewer hours? Will your caterer allow you to have better food for fewer people at a lower rate? You have options. 

Post # 9
Member
2541 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We were planning a wedding for 100 as well. I was the same as you, I never really thought too much about my dream wedding growing up. Then we moved across the country & I don’t see my parents but once a year maybe. That was the only time I wanted the big wedding but it was really only so I could spend time with everyone at the same place. Once I realized how expensive and crazy that was making us we decided to just elope with our 4 witnesses. We were lucky in that most all of our deposits were refundable so we were out less than $1G after cancelling, including our engagement pics, so it wasn’t a hit financially really. 

We are getting married on the beach in Mexico in July with my FI’s brother & wife and my brother & gf and we are over the moon happy with our decision. We had some bumps along the way with his family not being happy with our decision but they got over it eventually- after we discovered it was underlying issues 100% unrelated to the wedding. Our wedding moon is costing us less than half what we would have paid for a day for 100 ppl so I like to think we made both a frugal and practical decision. literally, everyone that is marrried that we have spoken to about it said they wish they would have done that rather than pay for 100ppl to stuff their faces & get wasted for one night. 

Post # 10
Member
2541 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@vchilders126:  It sounds similar to my situation with FMIL…. I bet her issues have nothing to do with your FI or even you really. They’re her issues/insecurities she made up in her head totally unrelated to reality. The best you can do is try to stay calm, explain your reasoning, and tell her it;s not up for conversation under any circumstance. If she starts to talk about it or get negative again, ask her to remember what you said last time & hang up or walk out. 

Weddings have a way of making the crazy come out of seemingly normal people. It’s not you or your FI or your wedding, really it’s all pretend in their head and they are using the wedding as an excuse to let the crazy flag fly…. 

Post # 11
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here… lol

Of course you can go back to the Drawing Board…

How easy that will be depends solely on where you are in the process…

I take it the Invites have not been sent out yet… so that will make it all the easier.

(No Recalls Required… altho there is an Etiquette Process for that if you had to do it)

So it will come down to actually deciding WHAT KIND of Wedding do you want to have AND WHEN

A heart-to-heart conversation that you’ll need to have sooner rather than later with your Fiance

Once you know WHEN and WHAT KIND OF WEDDING (style) then you’ll be back on track.

Hope this helps,

PS… If you have more etiquette questions about specifics… post again, or drop me a PM (personal message) here on WBee

 

Post # 12
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

So, over $2,800? In my personal situation, there is no way I would let that money go down the drain. I would try to get someone to take over my reservations (maybe offer them at a percentage off what a normal person would have to pay). Or just go through with the wedding.

But, listening to other people rather than yourself is what caused this situation in the first place. Maybe just take some time to relax and think alone. Then, do whatever makes you happiest. Money be damned 🙂

Post # 13
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

i say keep your deposit and transform into a smaller wedding 

i also think you should talk to your fi more, rather than take charge – he may be really excited about marrying u in december

Post # 14
Member
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

keep your deposits and make it a smaller guest list… instead of having a cake that is over 600 dollars ask the bakery just to do cake for the amount you already paid. dress you said you were gonna wear no matter what– venue- either ask to have it moved to a smaller room so you dont loose your money. if they dont accomadate for smaller guest list then you can have a awesome room with lots of things- candy buffet, dessert bar, BIG DANCE floor, photo booth area ect

Post # 17
Member
1524 posts
Bumble bee

@vchilders126:  if its nonrefundable ur gonna lose more money. I think u should push through 

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