Post # 16
I would, immediately, like tonight, tell him that you are having doubts about going through with the wedding, and tell him very clearly why. Even if you’ve told him in the past that these things anger you, tell him that his laziness and spendthrift ways are causing you to feel that marriage may not be the right choice. Don’t leave him thinking that things are fine. Be super clear, and maybe ask him to leave your house for a week or two to give you time to process, and have him give you back the keys when this happens.
In the meantime, I’d suggest going to a liscenced counsleor (an LCP) for an emergency session to discuss whether or not saving this soon-to-be-marriage is possible. GET HELP!
It doesn’t sound like this is a marriage that will succeed and thrive. I have friends wo never married the father of their babies, and by and large they have far better co-parenting relationship than people who tried to force themselves to get married and then divorced in anger and bitterness. He’ll be more likely to get over a canceled wedding than you divorcing him.
$300,000 is way to much to spend on a wedding unless you’re a millionare. Do not make ANY more payments on the venue, or any other wedding things until you’re sure you want to go through with this. A pre-nup is a good idea, but not getting divroced is better.
Post # 17
It sounds like you’ve known for a long time how he is, and you have the means to support both of you. There are lots of relationships where men are comfortable being the primary breadwinner in the household, so the inverse of that is not inherently wrong or doomed. The question is whether or not that’s the type of relationship YOU want. Do you want to be with him for the rest of your life knowing that he’s unlikely to change?
Post # 18
That is almost $400,000 USD. Even a millionaire would be an idiot to spend that much on a wedding. I am guessing typo. Or a teenager who thinks that sounds impressive rather than wasteful.
OP….others have already said it, but I don’t recommend marrying this man. At least not right now. Not because he isn’t the primary breadwinner (I am primary breadwinner in my marriage and ithat is just fine with me – though my husband IS a hard worker and does contribute as a partner financially and in other ways as well) but because he is financially reckless and dishonest.
Post # 19
Prenups often carry virtually no legal weight in the UK, where it sounds like you are.
Post # 20
I say cut your ties now or mark my words this will end in divorce, and he is going to suck you dry financially.
Post # 21
Money is one of the major causes for divorce. If you already know what he’s like with finances, why would you even set yourself up for failure? Do you think it’s going to change once your married? No. You will be supporting him 100%. Don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong at all with the woman being the breadwinner of the family BUT he needs to be bringing something to the table too. You guys really need to sit down and have a serious discussion about this.
Post # 23
Leave him. My father freeloads off my mother quite abit and it has caused some serious problems in their relationship over the past 15 years. They use to argue a lot as I would imagine you will argue a lot more with your husband in future if he does not pick up his game. This will create a toxic environment for your child which may cause insecurities that could lead into her/his adulthood