(Closed) Cancer vs My Wedding

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

So hard to deal with, but think about him, he’s the one with the beast…. I wish you all the best…. hope it gets easier.

Post # 4
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It’s sooo not your fault, nothing is your fault.  THis is incredibly hard and I am so sorry you both are having to go through with this.  Where is your family?

Post # 6
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@Snoopadoop:  Hey Snoop, I’m really sorry you’re in this situation. I hope you have a good support network you can rely on. There are also online forums for spouses dealing with a loved one who has cancer. It’s like a double whammy for you. *hugs*

Post # 7
Member
7 posts
Newbee

Oh sweetheart, I am so sorry that you are going through this. Having a wedding is enough stress on its own, having cancer in the mix is so very hard.  I certainly understand the need to vent — it sounds like you are under a tremendous amount of pressure right now.  You will get through this, just breathe and take all of these stressors one day at a time.  And if you decide you would rather elope or need to change the wedding date so that your H2B gets the treatment he needs, then so be it. Friends and family will understand because as you said, it is his life, not the wedding, that really matters.  Sending warm thoughts your way!

 

Post # 8
Member
8431 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Snoopadoop:  I am really sorry to hear about your H2B. I think you need to realise that you don’t need to be a martyr. You need to ask for help because people will be hestiant to offer because they don’t want to intrude. No one can carry what you are going through plus planning a wedding on their own. Talk to your family and friends. I would also suggest talking to your husband treatment centre about support groups for carers of people with cancer. In situations like this it is often easier to talk to people who understand exactly what you are going through.

Can I ask a question- is your husband terminal? I only ask because you mentioned his lack of communication about his treatments and what I am interpreting as refusal of treatment. If he has decided not to fight then all you can do is be supportive but you need to talk to him and get him to communicate his wants and needs. It will be upsetting but you need to be strong. My husband and I have talked about this (I have breast cancer which has spread to other parts of my body) and I have been clear with him about what my personal cut off level will be. For me it is about quality of life rather than quantity.

If you want to talk or ask questions feel free to PM me.

 

Post # 9
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My Fiance also has metastatic cancer, we found out in Feb that it was back . we have been thru 3 surgeries, 2 different chemotherapy , and 8 weeks of radiation . This time they offered us no more . We live each day to the fullest. Grasp on to the fact they are still offering you some type of treatment and go for it! One of the reasons we are going ahead with the wedding is that I was never able to take time off work to be with him as a girlfriend, but as his wife I am entitled to FMLA to be off and be with him . You are in my prayers , God bless.

Post # 10
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I actually know a couple who went through this…..do it NOW…go to the nearest place you can…do not worry about cost, where and who else is there…..do it NOW

Post # 11
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Just do it now. I think you’re incredibly brave for going through this xx

Post # 13
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Sorry you are going through this, you should be awarded for standing by him! Maybe you should just have a simple ceremony and elope? It may not be the wedding of your dreams, but it sounds like you both could use less stress.

Post # 14
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I am very sorry.  I would have your family & friends come to your home, a back yard or whevever is easy.  Get your priest and get married.  I would not spend one more minute worrying = stress literally kills.  My aunt is dealing with cancer and that’s one thing her doc told her.  

Good luck to you both. 

Post # 15
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Snoopadoop:  Im so sorry you and your H2b are going through this,its a daily struggle for you both. I would definately ask friends and family for help and support a PP said. Im not near you in the UK but if you want any help,ringing people,or getting dates organised,PM and I would love to help as much as I possibly can!

Post # 16
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

Are there social workers at the hospital where he gets treated that you could talk to (maybe one-on-one)? They might be able to help you talk through these things and not feel so much like it’s your fault, and maybe help you figure out what you want to do about wedding plans.

For what it’s worth, it sounds to me like you’re letting him decide what he wants and needs, and I think that’s amazing. That’s exactly what I would want if I were sick. He is so, so lucky to have you by his side. 

The topic ‘Cancer vs My Wedding’ is closed to new replies.

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