Post # 1
We are technically already engaged because we didn’t have a fancy proposal, we just agreed to get married over breakfast one Saturday! Which was great and low key and also gave us the option to pick my engagement ring together.
We have been looking at rings in small jewelry stores and we can’t agree on the price. Everything I show him he says is out of the budget he personally wants to spend on a ring. He sent me Etsy listings that consist of 800-1000 rings the most expensive one being a 14k gold moissanite halo ring for 1100.
I do not mean any offense by this but I don’t think an Etsy ring is a forever ring. I’ve been very use to the idea that the guy is suppose to spend a chunk of change on the engagement ring.
I am not high maintenance usually and have been saving costs by picking a cheaper venue option. But he said he’s not willing to spend a lot on a ring.
the ring I picked was 2800 which is still thought was cheap. I do not think that I should have to chip in for my own ring though. It almost takes away the specialness of it? Any thoughts on this?
Post # 2
I don’t get why an Etsy ring can’t be a forever ring if it’s made with a quality forever stone and sold by a reputable seller. It’s just an online place to purchase stuff and you have bad and good options just like if you went to the mall.
If he doesn’t want to spend nearly 3k on a ring you’ll have to accept that if you don’t want to chip in. That may be too expensive for him and/or he has other plans for his money.
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2019 - City, State
Idk, 800-1000 seems reasonable to me. My e-ring was only 1000, and it’s definitely a forever ring. Lots of bees have Etsy engagement or wedding rings as their forever rings.
Is it just the price you’re unhappy about, or do you not like anything in that price range he’s sent you? Those are two separate issues. If you just don’t like any of the rings he sent, I’m sure you can find something you’re both happy with if you keep looking.
If you just think your engagement ring should cost more than $1000…then yeah you should help pay.
Post # 4
A lot of women these days contribute to the cost of the ring in one way or another because they are living with their fiance and splitting living expenses. Those who don’t directly split the cost of the ring will still help by taking over a larger share of the living expenses while their SO focuses on putting funds aside for the ring.
As for what the right cost is for a ring, that depends on income, circumstance and personal priorities. An Etsy ring can be a forever ring. Moissanite is very popular. It is stronger than a sapphire and is a “forever stone.”. That doesn’t mean it’s for everyone. It is a REAL moissanite, a gem in it’s own right, but many people view it as a diamond simulant and can struggle with feeling like they’re wearing a “fake diamond.”. This issue is discussed under the topic heading of “mind clean.”. Those who are not comfortable with moissanite as is, will never be comfortable wearing it. It’s something you and your SO should look into and talk about. If it’s not for you then don’t waste the money on something you’ll regret buying.
If keeping costs down is a priority, you could consider a lab grown sapphire, they are surprisingly affordable. Or you could get a conservatively sized lab grown diamond for under a thousand and put it in a simple setting.
I’m sure that with patience and research with open respectful conversation, the two of you can find a solution.
Also, a lot of people suggest buying pre-owned rings, but I’ll tell you that I went off and on for a few years scouring the pre-owned jewelry sites and I never found any diamond rings with good specs for under a thousand but maybe you could have better luck if you tried.
Post # 5
Yes, that’s pretty low-ball for an engagement ring, but I dont know what his financial status is. If you don’t like the etsy rings, I am all for the idea that the woman should contribute to the cost. But if he doesn’t want you to do that and he doesnt want to spend more money, this is not a man to marry.
And the 2 or 3 months salary thing is crap. Whoever came up with that didnt have a mortgage and taxes to pay. That’s an insane amount to spend when you’re just starting out. Look at lab diamonds – real lab diamonds, not cz. They’re literally half the price of regular diamonds. Look on Brilliant Earth, for one. There are other outfits that sell lab diamonds, but I dont know their names.
Post # 6
De Beers diamond company came up with the idea that men should spend 3 months of their salary on a diamond e-ring in the 1930s. Of course they’d say that to make more money but it’s wild that people still follow that marketing ploy almost a century later.
Post # 7
That’s about what my husband spent on my e-ring. We’re trying to pay down debt and we like to spend money on vacations. I was fine with my ring. He got me a nice wedding band which is close to the cost of the e-ring. It has enough sparkle for me. I don’t know your finances, but it also has to do with priorities. We like to get really nice rental properties when we go on vacation and we splurge on things like helicopter rides and snorkeling trips. I guess the question is, do your priorities align with your fiancés’ priorities?
Post # 8
You say you’re not high maintenance but you are also requiring him to spend an amount that he is not comfortable with. If you want a ring that’s out of his budget, you should pay for it.
I also am confused why a ring sold on Etsy isn’t a forever ring.
Post # 9
I think you need to step back and reevaluate your PARTNERship. You cannot demand a ring that your partner feels is outside of his budget, and then also not expect to help him pay for it. That’s the functional equivalent of saying, “This is the ring I want. I don’t care how you pay for it. Figure it out.” Either get a ring within his budget, pay the difference or wait until he can save more money to purchase the ring. You already acknowledged that you were engaged simply because you agreed to get married, the ring doesn’t have to come immediately. This post comes off as entitled, and I would question my partner’s priorities who thought this way. Helping with the ring doesn’t necessarily mean paying for the ring directly, you can take over a bill or two for a few months to help him save. There are a lot of options here. And if you can’t afford to do that, then you shouldn’t be demanding something you yourself could not do. Kind of selfish.
Also – any durable ring can be a forever ring. As long as it’s not going to turn green on your finger, it’s value it’s in the eyes of the person wearing it.
Post # 10
It sounds almost like this is more about the financial commitment than anything else, because you didn’t say anything about not liking the rings he picked, just that they are “too cheap.” WHY does a man have to spend a good chunk of money on a ring? Unless he’s chronically cheap and a skinflint all the time (in which case I’d reconsider spending the rest of my life like that), respect his budget or pitch in the extra.
Post # 11
Back in the day (1980s) it used to be 2 months salary. Somehow it morphed into 3 months salary, but rings and center stones have gotten progressively larger. Someone’s listening to this drivel.
Post # 12
Brutally honest opinion: you’re acting like either a princess or a girl who got fooled by marketing.
Specifically why don’t you think etsy rings will last a lifetime if they’re made of the same gold and same hard stones as the ones in physical high street stores?
Post # 13
jessicaj15 : I’ve been very use to the idea that the guy is suppose to spend a chunk of change on the engagement ring.
You’ve simply bought into the slick and extremely effective old DeBeers marketing strategy of spending a few paychecks on a ring. That was simply to justify the extravagant markup for diamonds. Which by the way, lose their sale value by well over 50% the moment you walk out of the store. If you don’t believe me, try to sell your ring right after you buy it. You will lose your shit.
You are equating your value with the cost of a ring. Do you even get how ridiculous that sounds? Or are you more interested in showing an expensive ring off to your friends. What’s more important to you here?
Post # 14
Well I’ll go out on a limb and disagree with most of the replies that I think it sucks that he wants to get you a $1000 ring. The ring you found is extremely reasonably priced and I would be really turned off that he doesn’t think it’s worth it to spend that much on such a special item. If I were you I’d just buy it myself at this point and tell him you don’t want any of his money.
Post # 15
I’m not going to sit here and pretend I wouldn’t be upset with a 1000 dollar ring. But this may say that you two value different things and this won’t be the only thing you disagree on financially. If this isn’t strictly a budget thing, I’d try to understand why he feels that this is his limit especially since 2800 seems super reasonable to me.