Cannot agree on ring price

posted 2 months ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
3428 posts
Sugar bee

I’m not going to hate on you for wanting what you want, but you can’t make him spend the extra money…so you can either chip in or compromise on something in his price range.

 

Post # 17
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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katecod12 :  100% agree. My husband was a broke college student when he bought my ring but he saved tirelessly to get me a beautiful ring that cost way more than “3-months salary” because he knew I loved it. It’s quite possible that her fiancé COULD afford the ring she wants but simply doesn’t value a ring as much as she does. After all, a good, smart budget takes into financial and personal limitations. I think this is perfectly okay so long as they can talk this out like mature adults and come to an agreement they can both be happy with. A good exercise for their financial future together. The way OP described their situation, it seems as if she is railroading him so I hope they don’t lost sight of what really matters here. 

Post # 18
Member
3428 posts
Sugar bee

My SO had a couple of drinks and I brought up what would be my ideal ring and what I thought it would cost….he agreed to the amount.

i was actually way off and what I originally wanted was a bit higher than what I said, so I found something within the price range we agreed.  I would have chipped in, but the amount he was spending was plenty, so it all worked out.

Post # 21
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Can’t make someone spend more money than what they are wanting to spend, not sure what else to tell you.Etsy is a great option for jewelry, and some sellers even have showrooms. Esdomera is pretty reputable, and they have moissanites, lab diamonds, gemstones… etc… I know you don’t want to have to pay, but if you want something more expensive, that seems like it’s the only option.

Post # 22
Member
8938 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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jessicaj15 :  “I’ve been very use to the idea that the guy is suppose to spend a chunk of change on the engagement ring.” — Here’s your problem. What if you get un-used to that idea?

I don’t think an Etsy ring is a forever ring.” — Why in the world would an Etsy ring not be a forever ring? Doesn’t even make sense.

I do not think that I should have to chip in for my own ring” — Well how else is it going to work when the ring you want is over his budget? 

but they either have rings that cost x amount or would be unhappy with a 1k ring themselves.” — Wrong yet again. Where did you get all these mistaken ideas? My husband’s budget was at the low end of your fiance’s but the ring I wanted was over that. So I kicked in the extra. Easy peasy and no less special. That was almost 25 years ago. We could afford an extravagent upgrade now but I never have because I cherish my ring and carat size does not equal love.

If your updates are true and this is about values rather than budget, why are you marrying a man whose values are so different than yours? Why do you think your values are better than his, or that he should adjust his rather than you adjusting yours? Either he’s a selfish asshole who doesn’t care about your feelings, in which case, why are you marrying him? Or he’s a wonderful guy who just has this weird quirk about jewelry, in which case, you need to accept that marrying this wonderful guy means you either get a smaller ring or you help pay for a bigger one. What other options are there?

Post # 23
Member
3428 posts
Sugar bee

And also, if you don’t want a ring from Etsy, go out and do some research and then show him.  He clearly doesn’t really know much about jewelry and you can show him some options that are closer to what you want and local and then you can try to work closer to his budget.

Post # 25
Member
8938 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

 

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jessicaj15 :  “I don’t want to buy it myself because it is a gift coming from him.” — Do you not see the irony here? You don’t want to contribute because it’s a gift, yet you are perfectly comfortable telling him he needs to triple his budget for this gift. You can’t have it both ways.

Post # 26
Member
1116 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

I’m not offended, but Etsy is a legitimate place to buy a forever ring. A forever ring is one that has materials that can stand the test of time (gold, platinum, diamond, sapphire, moissanite, etc.). In fact, you can buy incredibly expensive diamond rings on Etsy and it’s an fantastic patform for getting unique and custom jewlery. I will be ordering my custom forever ring there quite soon. 🙂 However, I can see how someone can associate things a certain way based on their experience or marketing, so to each her own. 

I think a similar thing can be said with price, it’s personal. Though I’m now in a place where I could afford a $1,000 ring (definitely hasn’t always been that way), I really can’t imagine spending that much on jewlery and can quite fortunately get my dream forever ring for half of that. But I don’t fault someone for feeling differently. Which is why I think you and your fiance should find a middle ground. Like you said, you each value it differently and neither is wrong. I think chipping in is a great option. I know you’re opposed to it, but I think it’s a very empowering idea and in the end you get your dream ring. 

Post # 27
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Maybe you could tell us what you like and we can find something close in his budget?!

Post # 28
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

I think that is a low price for an engagement ring. You deserve to be happy with your ring. On the flip side, your fiancé should spend the amount he is comfortable with so he doesn’t put himself in a hard spot. If he’s given you a reasonable price within his means then that’s what he can do and if you’re unhappy about it you can help pay for your ring. He can still give it to you in a special way, but if your dead set that he has to be the one to pay for the entire ring to make it special to you then you’re gonna have to be okay with whatever he wants to spend. 

Post # 29
Member
434 posts
Helper bee

I’m not going to comment on cost because I have my own views on the scammy-ness nature of engagement rings. But I also want to point out that whatever ring you get won’t necessarily be a “forever ring”. I know a lot of people tend to wear the engagement ring and band together after marriage, but I’ve also found many people who opt to just wear the band after a while. Or down the line they get a fancier anniversary band and wear that full time. 

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