Cannot agree on ring price

posted 1 year ago in Engagement
Post # 76
Member
578 posts
Busy bee

At first my fiance thought $3,000 was too much to spend on a ring, but once I broke it down into cost per year, he agreed it was a reasonable price. Keep in mind he could easily afford a 3k ring, and he spends thousands of dollars on computers and camera equipment every few years. I explained that my engagement ring is a one-time purchase, and I’m going to wear it every day for the rest of my life. So let’s suppose we’re married for 50 years before one of us dies. $3,000 divided by 50 comes out to $60 a year. I spend more than that on my Hulu subscription, and that’s not even something we use every day. And unlike his computer and fancy camera lenses, my ring will never need to be upgraded. When he thought about it like that, he had no problem spending 3k on my ring. And I helped him keep the cost down as much as possible by telling him about lab diamonds (he had no idea they existed).

Post # 77
Member
10992 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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sunburn :  

You may want to do a bit of research on DeBeers; not its business practices, but what they do to humans.

And you don’t justify bad behavior with more bad behavior.  

Post # 78
Member
717 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

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baileybagels :  totally fair but you can pry my la mer from my cold dead hands 😉

Post # 79
Member
5208 posts
Bee Keeper

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sassy411 :  I justify nothing. I am simply saying that the practices of DeBeers, are no worse than many other companies whose products you have on your shelf. (And I know about DeBeers, but not from shlock pieces written in 2006 or rants on FB) I dont believe in singling one company out as the worst for human life, and if I did, DeBeers would be way low on the list. I’m looking at you, Monsanto, ConAgra Foods and various coal based energy companies. 

Post # 80
Member
2987 posts
Sugar bee

On top of what has already been said, I have some questions. 

There’s a huge difference between affording something and really affording something. There are a lot of comments from PPsuggesting that people spend a lot of money on trips, golf clubs, electronics, etc. While that may or may not be true, is still begs the question can you afford it? 

What I mean is that your boyfriend might have 5k in his bank account and he can easily spend 3k of that on a ring. However, that would be a pretty dumb move to spend more than half of your savings on a ring. But maybe he had 20k saved and a retirement fund and a car that’s fully paid off. Then sure, that’s not too big a chunk of change for him. 

Just because someone can finance a ring, put it on a credit card or have it drain their bank account doesn’t mean they can afford it. I’m also extremely frugal, so take this all with a grain of salt, but the majority of people see no problem financing or paying for homes, cars and vacations they really can’t afford. A ring is no different. 

Post # 81
Member
4075 posts
Honey bee

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sunburn :  I agree with your sentiment regarding the preference of a luxury car, however, if someone is willing to buy you a Ford Fiesta and you tell them that you prefer the Mercedes but you aren’t willing to help pay for it, it’s not the best look.

I just think it would be in OP’s best interest to do some research into what she really wants and to figure out the cost and then have a conversation with her fiancé.  I wouldn’t focus so much on the cost, more so about what ring you want.  There are so many variables in diamonds/settings that can affect the cost.  

 

Post # 82
Member
5208 posts
Bee Keeper

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sharpshooter :  Oh I definitely favor her helping paying for it, as I’ve said earlier. In this day and age I don’t  know why it’s not customary to split the cost. So many couples live together and commingle funds for day to day expenses or big ticket items like a mortgage. Really, what’s the difference?

But I know there are a lot of people who are unwilling to do this, for whatever reason. 

Post # 83
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

let him buy his cheap ring and you have many years to plan for an upgrade. marriage first

Post # 84
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

Lol I would not dream of taking your lamer cream from you 😉

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katecod12 :  

Post # 85
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

I also don’t get the allude of video games. 

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sunburn :  

Post # 86
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

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anonymousbee001 :    “I wouldn’t spend $600 on a moissanite ring, but I’m not going to judge someone who does as materialistic.”

of course you wouldn’t judge – that’s a great value for a forever ring. Glad we agree 🙂

 

Post # 88
Member
4075 posts
Honey bee

I never understand why people get up in arms about the cost of an engagement ring.  It’s a piece of jewelry that symbolizes your relationship and you will most likely wear for many many years.    

Wedding dresses can cost thousands of dollars and you wear it for one day and sometimes for just a few hours, then it’s cleaned and stuck in a closet away from the light of day forever.

People have different priorities.  I don’t fully understand spending thousands of dollars on something that you will only wear for a day, but I don’t need to understand why that’s important to someone else.  I love it for them.

Post # 89
Member
10992 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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sunburn :  

What you’re describing is the very definition of justifying bad behavior with more bad behavior.  It’s on the same footing with *everybody does it*.

Post # 90
Member
13929 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Everything is relative. You say your fiance can afford more, but that may not be how he sees it if he’s not in great shape financially overall. If it is, however,  as you say, only about his lack of appreciation for jewelry, and your opinion or feelings are of no value to him, I think you are more than likely to face this attitude again. Just because it hasn’t come up yet doesn’t mean that won’t change when he starts to realize that your spending ultimately affects him, too. 

How do your separate finances work? You make it sound as if he has more discretionary spending than you. That would never work for me. 

Post # 91
Member
5208 posts
Bee Keeper

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baileybagels :  I thought it was a rule that anyone born after 1988 had to love video games? (I’m kidding!!!!)

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