Cannot agree on ring price

posted 1 year ago in Engagement
Post # 92
Member
1616 posts
Bumble bee

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baileybagels :  Actually I disagree. I don’t think a $600 moissanite ring is a great value and I don’t think it’s a forever ring. However you do, which is totally fine: I’m not going to judge you just because your preferences deviate from mine.

Where we land on either side doesn’t speak to which of us is more materialistic, just as our opinion on the value of the latest video game console or skin care product doesn’t.

Post # 93
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Ok, so the most imporant thing here is can your fh afford a more expensive ring? If not, then sorry, you have to ptich in if you want a nicer ring or give him time to save.

 

My fh can afford a really expensive ring and knowing his budget we knew it has to be a real diamond etc. It was important for him as well. And I really don’t like moissies  or whatever they are calleld. When light falls on them, they shine completely different…they create a certain effect I don’t like. but but but…if my fh could only afford that…we would have to find a compromise. 

Post # 94
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

That sucks. I totally agree with you. Get what you want even if you have to pitch in money. The price of the ring that you want is extremely reasonable.

Post # 95
Member
9355 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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jessicaj15 :  I might be in the minority but picking it out and knowing the cost already takes some of the specialness away in my view – I’m not typically involved in the purchase of gifts for myself. Before we were engaged my husband asked if there was any particular stone shape I prefer but he picked out the stone and setting entirely on his own. We’ve been married 5 years and I still do not know what he paid for it except that it’s less than the appraisal lol.

I don’t think you have any options besides to accept the gift as he offers it or to pitch in for something more. You can’t force him to spend more than he wants. 

Post # 96
Member
1492 posts
Bumble bee

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LilliV :  I’m this way too. I told my husband I wanted a heart shaped diamond and that was literally it. When he proposed, I was ecstatic and thought the ring was beautiful and still do! I didn’t even think about the price because it was inconsequential. I just wanted a ring that looked pretty and represented his love and commitment and to me that’s not dependent on cost. I also didn’t want to start our new marriage with debt from a ring. 

Post # 97
Member
10992 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

It sounds as if both partners have different ideas about money, which is what’s really at the core of this debate.

OP places a higher value on the love and sentiment that she perceives as attached to an engagement ring.

Her fiancé places less value on the ring and attaches the greater value to the money.

Nobody is wrong here.  

It’s easier for many of us to relate to OP’s position because of the lifetimes of brainwashing we’ve had.

Money issues absolutely have to be worked through and not dragged into a brand new marriage.

Post # 98
Member
10992 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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mjay :  

I have to disagree here, Bee.

’Reasonable’ is relative, not universal.  We would have to have a lot more information about the couples’ financial situation and money goals before we can make a ruling on what is reasonable.

Post # 99
Member
86 posts
Worker bee

 

You have to figure out how to compromise on what YOU want and/or expect. It seems like you’re trying, but you can’t seem to get past certain ideals and desires you have about an engagement ring. You said your SO is very nice and made it seem like jewelry is just the one thing he can’t buy into. So you gotta accept that. Either be okay with a $1k ring or help buy it. I know you’re willing to do this if you can find something you like for $1k, but you want an oval diamond in a Halo setting. Buying a lab diamond would have you feel like you’re settling (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing for some, but maybe it is for you?). 

If you want a ring with a center Stone that will be large enough to be visible, you’re probably going to need to consider second hand. Maybe even second hand lab created. Settings can be expensive and a Halo one will easily cost double that of a solitaire. Maybe for now you can get a solitaire and upgrade the setting later? Like as an anniversary gift or push present? Or just do it for yourself at some point? Then you could maximize the size/quality of the stone that $1k will get you, if that’s important to you. Yoi could also take the $1k, and let that buy the stone, and you buy the setting. Maybe compartmentalizing the like that can help? 

 

Honestly, no matter which way you look at this, you will probably have to compromise. Good luck.

 

Post # 101
Member
10354 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Hey, if it makes this any easier, it may not be a forever marriage so the ring might only need to last a few years.

Post # 102
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

 I think this goes back to your overall ideas about money.  Since you say you can each afford the ring, this isn’t the issue. 

Does your fiance think it’s fine to spend money on himself, but not you?  Does he have expensive hobbies, would he buy a BMW instead of a Kia, does he plunk down more money for a slightly more convenient flight?  Or is he a saver all around? 

Are you a spender all around? Or are you the kind of partner who buys nice things for your partner year-round and are hoping for him to do the same for one big present?  

Given that you guys are talking about a difference of $1800, your overall spending patterns matter a lot.  I’d be pissed (for example), if it was okay to for my partner for us to spend $1000 on a fishing trip he wanted to go on, but not to put that kind of extra $ into my engagement ring. 

Money arguments are rarely about money. 

Post # 103
Member
799 posts
Busy bee

Where a ring is purchased doesnt really matter. What matters is the quality of materials and durability.

We bought my e-ring and wedding band as a set from Tianyu for around $800. My ring is 14k white gold (solid) and my stones are moissanite. Both are durable and acceptable for long term wear.

I think youre more hung up on the patriarchal ideas about men spending money on you. This doesnt matter. If you’re going to be married, you’ll have many disagreements like this. Pay close attention to how it gets resolved.

Post # 104
Member
993 posts
Busy bee

If my boyfriend and I get engaged I am anticipating a similar discussion. He thinks engagement rings are silly and a scam, and I will want one. That being said, I am also willing to contribute to the cost.

Would you consider a grouping of natural diamonds?

https://www.costco.com/round-brilliant-0.75-ctw-vs2-clarity%2c-i-color-diamond-14kt-white-gold-ring.product.100496743.html

Otherwise, could you buy a lab diamond from Brilliant Earth and get a local jeweller to set it? You can get a half carat for around $650.

Post # 105
Member
1420 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

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jessicaj15 :  

https://www.kay.com/diamond-engagement-ring-12-ct-tw-ovalround-14k-white-gold/p/V-992322901

These pics are from the reviews, I think it looks much larger than it is cause that halo that is around the main stone is so tight around it that it gives the illusion of a bigger stone

Review photo 2

Review photo 2

I believe this is the same one on Zales.

https://www.zales.com/12-ct-tw-oval-diamond-double-frame-engagement-ring-14k-white-gold/p/V-20095553

Review photo 2

Review photo 1

Reviews state how much larger it looks.

Sometimes these jewelers have sales like you get $300 off if you spend $1500, well with your budget you might be able to talk him into that, getting a $1500 ring for $1200…..

overstock.com has some decent jewelery as well some of the same exact rings they sell at big name jewelers.

 

However, in my honest opinion if you want the most bang for your buck… moissanite might be the way to go.. you will get the size you want and a price that is in your budget.

I had mentioned Esdomera before, I have been following them for years and read nothing but good reviews, and right now they are having a 40% off sale! 

https://esdomera.com/collections/moissanite-engagement-rings/products/oval-cut-1-5ct-moissanite-wedding-ring-art-deco-halo-engagament-ring

also.. Charles and Colvard are well known for their moissanites

https://www.charlesandcolvard.com/forever-one-oval-moissanite-split-shank-halo-with-side-accents-engagement-ring-100260-r-au-yel-14k-ov-f2-0154

https://www.charlesandcolvard.com/forever-one-oval-moissanite-double-halo-with-side-accents-engagement-ring-100112-r-au-wht-14k-ov-f1-0155

 

…. also I will say it is not uncommon that people don’t see a reason to pay thousands on jewelery as some just aren’t into it, and they see it as money not well used. My spouse isn’t a HUGE jewelery person and I knew that… my spouse would be happy with wearing a silicone ring.. so silly.. *eyeroll* but that’s just a preference, just like I prefer a bigger setting… so to each their own. That being said, I chipped in on my ring cause it’s what I wanted… my spouse didn’t give me a limit persay, just gave me money and told me to upgrade (I was stoked) and I needed just a bit more, no biggie!..I didn’t feel it necessary to ask for more money when I easily could chip in…  lots of couples purchase them together, and there are even some brides that buy their own… so if you find something you really really love, there’s nothing less special about paying a little of your own money.

Post # 106
Member
1240 posts
Bumble bee

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mrssouthernfairytale :  Please post a picture! We don’t have nearly enough hearts around here! 

Post # 107
Member
1492 posts
Bumble bee

penny1403 :  I feel like I’d be derailing the thread to post it here but I did post it twice…once on a thread about 1 ct and under rings and another about Christmas nails. 

But yeah I never see heart diamonds! It’s not a popular cut. It was very hard for my husband to find one. 

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