Post # 1
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
I am in a serious panic right now! Our parish Priest will be out of town during the weekend of our ceremony, and he told us that a new Priest from a town 30 minutes away would be performing the ceremony. We have met with the parish Priest 4 times, but have yet to meet with the Priest who is actually performing the ceremony, and we only have a month left!! We were told he would attend all the meetings we had with our parish Priest, but he hasn’t been to a single one!
The church refuses to give me a contact number for this Priest, who recently moved to the United States, barely speaks English, and has NEVER performed a wedding before. I’m nervous enough as it is, but with no contact from him, I am freaking out! I have asked numerous times for him to contact me, but the church secretary keeps saying she has forwarded my information on to him and he says he’ll get a hold of me soon. Under no circumstances am I allowed to contact him, what is up with that??? This has been going on for over a month! I have been adamant in telling them that we need to meet SOON to finalize the details of the ceremony, but no one seems to be listening to me.
The parish Priest also indicated that the Priest performing the ceremony would need to be directed as to the details of the ceremony during the Rehearsal because he wouldn’t know what to do! I would like to give him our ceremony details sooner rather than later so he can become more familiar with them, but nothing seems to be getting my point across!
Any advice from the bees? Anyone been through something similar?
Post # 3
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
Call your diocese marriage office….
Post # 4
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee
I’ve never heard of that happening before. I’d try to find another priest on my own. Is there only one priest at your church?
Post # 5
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
This is a STRANGE situation! We didn’t hear back from our priest for a while, and later found out he was on medical leave, so it was a good thing that I kept following up. Your wedding is so close. I think it is time to call the diocese and explain your situation. Or, reach out to the parish priest one more time and ask for direction, and if he is not help, then contact the diocese. Interested to hear what happens!!
Post # 6
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
I would contact the priest who’s been helping you, and ask if he can assist you in contacting or finding another priest. I also second KLP’s suggestion.
Post # 7
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
There is only one priest at our church, and we live in a VERY small area, so these are the only two priests for hours in either direction. We have already asked about having a different priest (one that used to live here, but has since moved but we are still in contact with) and were told that is not possible at this point in time. Basically, the paperwork has been sent in, and we were told it has to be done this way with this particular priest (FI is not Catholic, so there was a LOT of paperwork to complete).
Thank you for the idea of calling the diocese marriage office! I’m going to attempt one more week of contact on my own, but if I haven’t heard back from him at that point, it’s game on. I’ll keep you updated!
Post # 8
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
Update!!!
I gave one final plea to the parish office here in my hometown…and have yet to hear anything back from them. I mean, this was an emotional and obviously upset (but not angry or rude) email…but I haven’t heard anything back.
I contacted a parish about 2 hours away, and asked if any of the priests there would be able to perform the ceremony. That was Monday, and they said they would get back to me within a week. My biggest concern right now is the short amount of time…getting a new priest is on short notice now!
I am feeling very disillusioned with the church right now. It seems like the second they got all of our signatures and paperwork filled out (especially the on guaranteeing to baptize our children) they lost interest in us. I am not kidding when I say that even the parish priest did not know our first names at our last meeting (March). We have clearly asked for assistance and guidance from our church leaders and have been denied. We chose the Catholic church because it was special and had meaning for us…but we are quickly changing our minds.
Post # 9
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
Can you just show up at the church for a weekday mass and hang around after to try to corner the priest? Tell him you have been trying over and over to get in contact with him for weeks now, but have been pushed aside. Tell him you NEED to set up a meeting and don’t leave until you get one. This is ridiculous, there is no reason why a priest of all people should be so unavailable.
Post # 10
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
The priest who is performing our ceremony performs mass 30 min from here…and I work during the week. Also, my fiance very much wants to meet with this priest as well and his schedule definitely does not allow a meeting during the week. Our weekends are booked up between now and the wedding, which is partly why this is so frustrating. We have been working at this for over 6 weeks now, back when our schedules were much more open and we knew we wouldn’t have time in May, and now we feel like it’s just too late. 23 days to go…sigh.
Post # 11
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
It’s definitely upsetting to schedule your wedding with your home parish and the priest you have a relationship with and then find out he will be out of town. We had something similar happen, but were able to meet with the priest who would be marrying us once before the rehersal and ceremony (we rearranged our schedules for it, but it was really important to us).
I’m so sad to hear that you are feeling disillusioned with the Church because of this. There is a shortage of clergy memebers and most parishes are overextended trying to keep up with their community activities, several Mass times each week, confessions, funerals, counseling, education programs, charity programs, etc.. Are you close with any deacons in or outside of your parish? Have you had a relationship with any other priests, maybe from your FH’s parish? I hope things work out for you. Maybe you can focus on the music with the music director and the readings by your family and friends. Taking time to memorize your vows and the exchange of rings can really make your ceremony more personal.
Things will work out and you will have a beautiful day with your family and friends!
Post # 12
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
I’m so sorry your priest and your diocese have put you in this situation!
My date is two years off, and I’m just starting to do research into different aspects of Catholic marriage (my situation is so complicated I won’t even go into it now), but I did just read about something that may help you: convalidation.
The idea is that a couple who gets married outside of the faith and then wishes to have their marriage validated by the Roman Catholic Church can do so after their initial wedding date.
So, in a worst case scenario, you could contact a justice of the peace. Then, whenever you can get ahold of your priest, he can validate the marriage (with permission from the bishop, I believe). This will entail some paperwork and additional jumping through hoops, but you can do this at your leisure after your wedding date. And given the situation, I think the diocese would allow this. It’s certainly not your fault that this has happened.
Post # 13
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
@MsKitty: I’m not sure how that would work with our wedding being so close. We have 300 guests who have rsvp’d “yes” and we’re only 19 days away from the ceremony. I have heard of convalidation, but at this point we don’t have anywhere else to have the ceremony for such a large wedding. Any ideas?
@Veronica: We are close with another priest, who we contacted last week on the short notice, but we haven’t heard anything back from him yet. My fiance is not Catholic, but he is more upset about this than I am because we decided so long ago to make this happen for us. I have lived out of the state for a number of years, and our parish has changed priest 3 times since I lived here…so I am not close with even our parish priest. We had hoped for more meetings with both priests to get comfortable with the men who would be marrying us, but we haven’t been given the opportunity.
I finally heard back from our parish secretary over the weekend, who said that she would ONCE AGAIN forward my message on to the priest who is supposed to be marrying us. She assured me that we are not being neglected, but she has no explanation for the lack of contact. I still haven’t heard from the priest, nor have I heard back from the other parish that I contacted last week. We are running low on time and hope!
Post # 14
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
Maybe contact your reception venue and see if they would allow the ceremony to take place there? If you could explain the emergency circumstances, they might waive any additional ceremony fees.
Good luck! I’ll be thinking of you! 🙂
Edit: Also, it can’t hurt to contact your local library to ask for help in contacting a judge or finding another ceremony location at short notice (if your reception venue doesn’t allow ceremonies). Reference librarians live for challenges like this. Disclosure: I am a librarian, but am in technical services for now. Used to be in the public services division. I miss helping people, lol!
Post # 15
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
So here is my latest update! The priest FINALLY got in contact with me and we met a few evenings ago. He was more than helpful and kind to my fiance and I, and after a little bit of discussion, we discovered that it was not the priest who was to blame for this lack of contact. It was our parish secretary, who had not, in fact, delivered any of my messages to the priest. He had no idea that we were not having a full mass, that we had scheduled a rehearsal with him the Friday evening before, or that we had been trying to contact him for months. He was very obviously blindsided by all of this information. We feel much better after meeting with him, and all of my questions have been answered. However, now that I have his personal contact information, I will NEVER be going through our parish secretary again. It is one thing to lie to me about passing on messages, but to blame that on someone else is simply deceitful!
Thank you all for your words of advice and for listening during this stressful time! 15 days to go and we’re feeling good!
Post # 16
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
Yea I haven’t had the best experiences with parish secretaries either. My mom is even friends with one, but its like when she gets into her business mode she decides “Now is the time to be rude to everyone.”
Parish life isn’t perfect. I had to let go of a lot of disallusionments I had from volunteering in youth ministry and CCD as well as getting married. I think a lot it is though is the effects of the priest shortage and the over-abundance of paperwork the diocese requires to do even the simpliest of tasks.
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