(Closed) CANNOT stand SIL and her snubs–advice please

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What should we do with SIL?
    stop contacting her, but don't ignore if she contacts : (30 votes)
    49 %
    stop contacting & ignore when she contacts : (7 votes)
    11 %
    act normal : (24 votes)
    39 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4524 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @temporary:  I’ve been on both sides of this. My advice is to just let it ride. If you retaliate or try to have some “come-to-Jesus” meeting to explain yourself, it will ONLY result in drama that can last till death.  In these situations, y’all view her as the one with the bad attitude and feel you’ve done nothing but nice and I’m sure on her end she’s telling your brother how y’all alienate or otherwise offend her and the poor guy is stuck in the middle. 

     

    Spoiler alert: he will always choose his wife.  He probably thinks the entire thing is beyond stupid and pretends to be oblivious to stay out of it. 

     

    My point is, every family has this situation at least once. It is just part of marrying into a new group of people, and I’ve NEVER seen any retaliation or intervention do anything but inflame the situation.  I’m not the kind of person that has the energy for heart-to-hearts and sit downs, though, so others may feel this warrants a family meeting whereas I would not.  Like I said to start, if it were me I would just let it ride.

     

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    9670 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @temporary:   She just became pregnant?  Is it possible she’s having a tough time of early pregnancy?  I remember those days and all I wanted to do was sleep; I couldn’t do a thing for a few months.  Try to be understanding and patient and maybe she’ll come around.  Or, you could gently and sweetly ask your brother how she’s doing.  Pregnancy is a huge thing in life.  Even bigger than a wedding, lol. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    1022 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @temporary:  act normal. pregnancy is hard for some people

    Post # 8
    Member
    9670 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @temporary:  Well, hmmmm, six months should be far along enough to be past the really tired stage.  But maybe she’s just really wrapped in the whole experience.  I wouldn’t take it personally. 

    Don’t feel too bad, my own sister ignores me all the time!  She has no excuse, though, other than she’s too lazy to return calls or texts. I get infuriated so I know how you feel.  Especially when I hear from someone else in the family that she talked to them, but not to me!  Ugh!  But what can you do?  I agree with everything badabing88 said, just let it ride for awhile.

    Post # 9
    Member
    343 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    @badabing88:  TOTALY agree! Plus ANY form of negativity from your end will be used against you, trust me I have been there.  So if she contacts you be nice but don’t make an effort.

    I also agree that no matter what your bro will chose his wife, my SIL is an absolute psycho who has spent years making herself look like a fool and the brother STILL backs up his wife.  So just let it be.

    Post # 11
    Member
    343 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    @temporary:  I completely understand where the frustration is coming from, that is just rude at least be fake, call back and decline for whatever reason.  Honestly though just don’t take it personally because things will likely get much much worse over the years and you are in the a world of drama and heartache if you let this little stuff (by little I mean bitchy and not psycho like my SIL lol) get to you like it is now.

    Take this as lesson now and just learn to let her be so that when she pulls some real psycho shit it doesn’t turn family completely up side down. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    11234 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My FI’s SIL is just like this, and has been since FI’s nephew was born. His brother allows it, and has become someone we don’t know anymore. They live out of state, so no one ever hears from them or sees them except her parents. She and nephew were here for FOUR MONTHS while her dad was recovering from surgery, and I can count on one hand the number of times we saw them, and phone contact even less. She also physically pushed my Future Mother-In-Law away from nephew, among other things. No one will say a word, and of course, I’m not “allowed” to, because I’m “not family” (this is the ONLY thing I’m “not family” for, too, nevermind that I’m a good DIL and see my Future Mother-In-Law all the time).

    My response is to just ignore her. If she initiates, be civil, but don’t go out of your way.

    Post # 14
    Member
    4429 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @temporary:  i have gone thru this alot with my SIL and other family members.

    i just live my life and leave the DRAMA behind. if she calls i answer if she does not call me i dont call her if i really need something i text her instead of calling her and things have worked out she came around more caz she dident feel pressured to do so. life is too short why stress over her being snobby shell come around and if she dont why fight it.  i would say let it be.

    Post # 15
    Member
    6256 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @badabing88:  I don’t know. I think sometimes people are just a-holes.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2376 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Considering she seemed normal before the pregnancy, I’d give her the benefit of the doubt on this right now.  Who knows what kind of stress they’re under (financial, health or otherwise).  I know he said the pregnancy is going well, but she may not want everyone knowing that she’s lost her breakfast every day for the last 2 weeks, and she’s exhausted and cranky.  I don’t think I’d want my in laws knowing all that. 

    The other thing to keep in mind is she may assume since you’re HIS family, that he’s responding to the invitations.  I know that’s happened inadvertently with my fiance and his family – Future Mother-In-Law sent me a FB message asking if we’re coming up to visit that weekend, I discussed w/fiance and assumed he told her our answer.  Nope!  Totally flaked.  I assumed since she’s HIS mom, he’d answer.  He assumed that since she asked me, I’d answer.  Luckily, Future Mother-In-Law is awesome and found it really funny. 

    Even if she IS a total crazy b!tch, giving her more ammo of ‘it’s us against the world’ won’t help.  Smile, invite her like normal and put up with her – if only for your brother and your future neice/nephew.

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