(Closed) Can’t accept a gift; what to say?

posted 8 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’ve never heard of such a thing… a student with a big checking account?!… but I think just write her a note/email/phone call and say thank you so much for the gift but we are able to take on the expense and it wouldn’t feel right accepting such a generious gift. 

 

Post # 4
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I don’t think you should say anything.  It’s up to her to decide what she can and can’t afford and I think it would be rude to not accept it.  We shouldn’t judge how others manage their finances you know?  That’s what she wanted to give and just enjoy her generosity.

Post # 5
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I was a student with a bigger bank account.  It isn’t completely impossible.  I didn’t tell people that I had a decent amount of money because I didn’t want to go into the reason of why.  I think you should thank her for being so generous.  I’m not sure about telling her you can’t accept it though, some people get very offended by that.

Post # 6
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i agree with @talishazwi – its her decision to give a gift. the reciever shouldnt question that. their obligation is to simply say “thank you”. You may not know what her finances are and this is obviously something she wanted to do for you.

be happy that you have such a generous and loving friend, and just say “thank you” ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

yeah unless the name on the check isnt yours i would just thank her and upgrade the bar for the wedding ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 9
Member
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

i will say that im the kind of person that dont care to much about money and when i can i prefer to help my friend than expend it in silly stuff. take the gift and say thanks. enjoy it because these opportunities dont come often

Post # 10
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would be straightforward.  Give her a call and honestly tell her how you feel.  Thank her, but tell her that you could not accept it, and tell her why/ that you just don’t feel right about it, but that you appreciate it etc.  If this is what you want to do and how you feel then there is nothing wrong with being straighforward.  Honesty is best.  Period.  Do what you think it right.

Post # 11
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh, wait- maybe I didn’t understand.  Is the check just a gift?  I guess I thought that she was trying to “help” with the wedding vs. give you a gift.  If it is just your gift, no worries :).

Post # 12
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Personally, I think you should allow her the joy she is getting from being able to give you that gift. I’m sure it’s not her intention to make you feel uncomfortable.

Post # 13
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree, if she gave you the gift, she wants you to have it. 

Post # 14
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I also agree.  I think as a society we spend too much time feeling guilty when someone does something nice for us.  If she wrote and mailed the check, she wanted you to have it.  I say, thank her for her generosity, have a wonderful wedding, and let things with your friendship play out naturally! 

Post # 15
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I thought about it a little more.  If you are really concerned about it, I would return it with a simple note that says, “Thank you, but I cannot accept such a generous gift.”  I would follow up with a phone call.  But mostly, I think you should just say thank you and add the check to your account.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 16
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

Maybe she felt it would help you more if she gave you her gift now insead of at the wedding? I guess the amount of the check would be a decisive factor in if I cashed it. If it is like $100, I would assume it is a gift and send a Thank you. If it is like $500, I would be hesitatnt to cash the check. If it is a large check maybe talk to her and thank her for her generousity but let her know you are having trouble accepting such a large gift.

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