(Closed) Can't afford to go after RSVP'ing

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

If you can’t afford to go, you need to let them know asap. The longer you wait, the worse it’s going to be.

Post # 4
Member
3476 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Just tell them– they’ve been in your shoes in the past (for YOUR wedding no less!) and they’ll understand.  It sucks, but the finances aren’t just going to magically work out, your friends will understand where you’re coming from.  

Post # 5
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Could you afford to go even if your husband isn’t in the wedding party? Maybe just send him? I think if it comes down to it, and there’s no way to afford, a good friend would be disappointed, but understand.

Post # 6
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

you have to go. You have to make it work. 

Post # 7
Member
1132 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@2PeasinaPod:  Agreed. Maybe they haven’t given final numbers to the caterer among other things they need to plan. Tell them ASAP, they should understand.

Post # 8
Member
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Can you stay with family? or look into cheaper accomadations? or you can be upfront with them and explain your financial situation.

Post # 9
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Can your husband go alone, as he’s the one who’s the member of the wedding party?

Post # 10
Member
3627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would talk to them ASAP and be honest. They will understand since they were in the same boat themselves. Perhaps they can help with defraying some of the costs, such as covering the cost of the tux and maybe the extended hotel stay. We have some friends flying in and we know it is a huge financial burden for them, and FI has already said that he would likely recompensate them the airfare as a surprise because they are very dear friends of ours and we are touched they can even come.

I would also be prepared for them to be upset/hurt since it is a last-minute notice (and I’m sure they already have plenty on their plates) but your DH is also in the bridal party.

Post # 11
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’d send your husband, if possible.

Post # 12
Member
12629 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Ouch.  If possible, send your husband alone since he committed to being a member of the wedding party. 

Do you have friends that you/he could stay with to save the cost of a hotel? Share a room with another couple? Drive down or take a train to save the cost of a flight? 

Good luck – I hope it works out for you!

Post # 13
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Can your husband go alone? Half the cost and half of the disappointment!

Post # 14
Member
45649 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Talk to them asap. Be honest and discuss the various options- not going at all, hubby staying in the wedding party and going by himself, hubby dropping out of the wedding party and both of you going etc.

Who knows?Maybe they have friends or family you could drive with to save $?

Try not to make it their problem but let them know you wanted to advise them of your situation before their cutoff date for the caterer.

Post # 15
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Send your husband.

Post # 16
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If you can’t do any of the options listed above, you’ll have to tallk to them… like now. Right this minute, lol. Seriously though the sooner the better. Don’t wait on this!

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