Can't afford to go to friend's 30th… what to do?

posted 4 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
4961 posts
Honey bee

How long does it take to drive there? I’m not understanding why you need someone to drive with you.

Post # 3
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I don’t understand.   Why would missing the bday change things? If you can’t afford it then you can’t afford it.  I would never use my savings to attend a party and if a friend got pissy about it then we would no longer be friends.   

Post # 4
1155 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

I second 

View original reply
sunburn :. If it’s only an hour’s flight, why can’t you just drive? And if you’re really skimping, bring your own food (except for the actuall party obv) and get an AirBnb.  

Post # 5
367 posts
Helper bee

i would just skip it if it is a financial hardship.  i don’t really understand how doing so would negatively affect your friendship– you can still acknowledge your friend’s birthday by calling her or sending a gift, or even making plans to visit another time when its not so expensive.  if you friend is going to get angry about you skipping a party that would involve booking flights and hotels to attend,  i would maybe re-evaluate the friendship as that seems super petty.

Post # 6
99 posts
Worker bee

Don’t go, your friend will understand. I grew up in Botswana and frequented RSA so I get that driving alone wouldn’t be the best option, safety first Bee. I’d put that money towards your school fees, there will be other birthdays! Cheers 🙂

Post # 8
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

You seem to have already worked out that you can’t afford it so I would just say don’t go. 

Post # 9
15000 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I can’t imagine any real friend expecting that kind of travel for a party.  One of my best friends lives about an hour flight away also and we’ve never expected each other at our events.  That’s just how life goes.  We visit when we can on our own terms. 

Post # 10
1151 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

All for a birthday party? I wouldn’t go my very own birthday party if it costed that much!

I freaken missed my best friend’s wedding because I had zero money. It was 3 h. bus ride, 1 h airport transfer, 1 h flight and additional costs. All was fine between us.

Additionally I’m having difficulty understanding other PPs suggestions for driving 700 kms alone. It’s such a long hour trip, you have to give regular breaks, and maybe even stop at a place to sleep etc.


Post # 11
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

I would definitely not go.  Visit her another time when it’s easier/cheaper.

Post # 12
2818 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

Yep I agree with PP that it’s just a birthday. You don’t live in town so your friend has got to understand. That’s a lot of time and money just for a birthday party. 

You can always send a nice card with a gift and let her know you’ll visit another time. 

Post # 13
12801 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I’m sorry, but a 30 year old birthday party is just not that big a big deal. That goes double if it’s of the self celebrating variety. Sure it would be nice to go if you were local, or could very easily afford to, but you aren’t and it isn’t. If your friend is upset or angry that is not a very good reflection on her. 

Post # 14
6790 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Don’t go. Wish her well and let her know that you will be celebrating with her in spirit. 

Post # 15
3939 posts
Honey bee

If you have no savings, you shouldn’t spend 1/4 of a month’s paycheck to go to a party.

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