Can't afford to go to friend's 30th… what to do?

posted 5 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
Member
3595 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

If it’s not in the budget then just tell her you hope she had a wonderful party but you won’t be able to make it. She should be understanding of that. 

Post # 17
Member
1380 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

View original reply
timonandpumba :  It’s a bday party not a wedding which is not worth driving 7.5 hours for. If your friend gets mad at you about missing a bday party with that much distance and knowing you cant afford it she would offer to let you stay with her if it truly bothered her that badly. 

Post # 18
Member
1464 posts
Bumble bee

You don’t live in the same city and it will be costly to visit. She will understand…and if she doesn’t, then she’s not a very good friend.  Friends should understand when you’re broke.  If you can’t afford it, don’t force yourself to spend money that you don’t have.  It’s a birthday party, not a wedding.  And you can still be there for her by sending her a gift, calling her, make plans to see her another time, etc.

Post # 19
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2025 - City, State

You absolutely cannot afford this trip.

If she’s a good friend, she’ll understand.  If she doesn’t understand, she’s not a good friend.

Post # 20
Member
2863 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t understand what the problem is? If you can’t afford it, don’t go. If you want you can send her a card and small gift. Otherwise, a phone call is just fine. 

 

Post # 21
Member
8938 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

This is utterly baffling to me. I can not imagine being mad that a friend couldn’t afford to come to my birthday party. And I can’t imagine being friends with someone who would be mad at me because I couldn’t afford to go to their birthday party. If someone is that self-absorbed, I would have never gotten close to them to begin with. If this would “change the friendship” so be it. OP, you say you love her dearly, but I say this is the trash taking itself out. Sorry if that’s unwelcome, but why in the world are you friends with someone who wants to see you go into debt just to feed her ego? 

Post # 22
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

It’s just a birthday party, not even a wedding. If you can’t afford to go, don’t go. A good friend won’t blame you for that, and if she does, she’s not a good friend. Don’t go broke for a birthday party (or any other social event for that matter). Send her a nice gift, schedule a skype chat, wish her a nice birthday.

Post # 23
Member
13890 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

That’s a lot of money to spend on a party. I would tell her I couldn’t make it and try to send a nice gift to help with the festivities (some good champagne or whatever she likes to drink). 

Post # 24
Member
1060 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I had birthday parties as a little kid, never as an adult. It’s nice to get a card and celebrate with a few people close to me, but I would never expect anyone to travel like that for my birthday.

Post # 25
Member
3970 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

Nope, don’t go! Your friend should understand. Fiance has friends an hour flight and 8 hour drive away, we invite them to everything but would never be upset if they cant make it. Other peoples finances are not our business, if they cant afford to do something, it is what it is!

Post # 28
Member
2837 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

View original reply
timonandpumba :  I’m so glad it all worked out! Yay for weekends by the beach with good friend(s)!

Post # 29
Member
489 posts
Helper bee

Sorry but it’s a freaking BIRTHDAY. We all have them. Every year. Sounds like you have a HIGHLY self absorbed friend if your inability to attend would actually put a strain on your friendship. 

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