Post # 1
My fiance and I can’t agree on what to do after our reception…Our wedding is in the evening so our reception will be letting out between 10:00 and 11:00 pm. My fiance wants to “contunue partying” with his friends/family from out of town as well as his three brothers who live 10 minutes away. I understand wanting to spend time with friends/family who he might not see very often but I was really looking forward to going onto the honeymoon suite to spend some time alone together before we depart for our honeymoon the following morning. Is it wrong to ask him to spend time with family earlier in the day? I mean our ceremony doesn’t even start until 6.
I also have had to stop drinking a little over a year ago because I had some issues with control. Sometimes I go out with my fiance and his younger brothers, but only because I know he enjoys it. I really feel uncomfortable sometimes and I know the last thing that I’m going to want to do after my wedding is have to go be around a bunch of people “partying”.
We have gotten into a few arguments over this, and I understand that he would want to hang out with his friends. But it is OUR wedding night. Shouldn’t I get a say? His argument is that he wont be able to spend enough time with his friends and family from out of town and they are all getting together for us. He says if they will all be going out after the reception he really wants to as well. Am I being selfish for wanting him all to myself or do I have a point? I need some outside perspective. Maybe some advise?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I have to say, I see his point. If your ceremony is only for 3 or 4 hours and you’re going on a honeymoon immediately afterwards, I think you should let him hang with his best friends and family for more than a couple hours. You guys will be a married partnership, so try to suck it up and go out with them and have fun! You’ll get your one-on-one time for the honeymoon.
Post # 4
I can see both sides. On one hand, it does sound like your reception may be on the shorter side and I get him wanting to spend time with his friends/family. But with your wedding being later in the day, I think he could conceivably find time in the schedule to have lunch with them or something.
From experience, our wedding was earlier (ran from 3:30 – 8:30) and even then, we were exhausted! Some people went back to my parents’ hotel after but we were like “k, have fun!” I mean, it’s your wedding night.
Post # 5
Why don’t you wait and see how you feel on the day? You may be having so much fun that you want to go out, or he may be really tired.
Post # 6
At first glance, I’d say YOU are in the right (I mean really… can’t imagine a guy who wouldn’t be looking forward to his Wedding Night with his Bride… whether they’ve lived together beforehand or not)
BUT then again, I think the key thing here more than anything else is that your Reception does end fairly early (at least by Canadian standards… where ours tend to go onto Midnight or later… 1, 2 or 3 AM are not uncommon here)
Maybe you guys could compromise ?
Agree on a time when the partying will be over (he should be considerate of the fact too that you won’t be drinking… so your perspective will be different than if you were drinking along with everyone else)
Hope this helps,
Post # 7
i vote after party, its the one night you guys have everyone together. They all came to crlebrate with you guys why cut it off and not continue the fun. its only one night. my fiance and i are doing an after party when our reception lets out at midnight.
save the honeymoon sweet time for the honeymoon when it will be just the two of you away from everything.
Post # 8
I never understood after parties. It just seems like a way to exclude some guests (because you party with some but not others). If both bride + groom want to do after party, then ok, but otherwise he should spend some time with his new wife. And, after an exhausting wedding day, I can understand many (most?) brides not wanting to do an after party.
He can spend extra time with out of town guests before the wedding; either in the days before or before 6 like you suggest. As for “boy time” with his 3 brothers, that’s what the bachelor party is for.
Here’s another way to put it: all day up to 10/11 pm you both are sharing your day with other people. Can’t you two finally have some alone time at 11pm?
Post # 9
We had big plans to party on with anyone who wanted to come out (we had a DW) but in reality when we all got back to the hotel (to change clothes and drop off the kiddies and anyone not wanting to go out) everyone opted out due to being tired. I must say we were kind of relieved as we were tired as well. We did end up going to the pool for a couple of drinks, swim and spa with a few people for about an hour which was far more relaxing 🙂
I think in the excitement of the wedding you can lose sight of what a long and tiring (both physically and emotionally) day it can be!
Post # 10
I say to be open to it. I too would be frustrated especially since it is known partying makes you feel weird.
I think he’s going to find he is so exhausted that he won’t want to honestly. Plus I think we forget how little time the bride and groom actually get together on their wedding day. Don’t let this disagreement put more stress on both of you, especially as I see you’re a little bit out. I know that we all have huge “foot down” moments earlier in the process but as we get closer, we start compromising a lot more
My close friends who got married spent an hour or so relaxing after their ceremony than met a group of us crashing at the same hotel to drink cheap beers and play horse. It was super low key but the friends got extra chill time with the bride and groom and they got their special time. They also weren’t getting a honeymoon until months later (both teachers) and still found they wanted to spend a little more time with mutual pals.
I’d just say, if it happens, make sure you have some gal/guy pals and something low-key for you to do at the same time.
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2012 - Mother of the Bride's residence
Mr. D and I were having a similar issue. He really wanted to go out for at least one drink, whereas I figured I’d be too tired for anything. Our reception ended around midnight I think, and we had about 15 people left at that point. Some of them went home, some of them went out, and some of them partied in the hotel. We were BOTH too tired to after party!
Post # 12
Maybe you can agree to the after party, but agree on a time that you will return to the honeymoon suite? That’s the best compromise I can come up with. Also, since you won’t be drinking, maybe you can have some more say in where you go and what you do at the afterparty so that you can try and make it fun for you?
Post # 13
I think wait and see how you feel day of. I think if there are any after parties we are going just becuase we will have lot of friends and family members who haven’t seen each other. I think if you guys can’t agree, then have a compromise where he stays out only for an extra hour or two and goes to the hotel suite at midnight.
It’s both of you guys day and bickering or having one person annoyed because they didn’t get to do what they want wouldn’t be fun for anyone.
Post # 14
You’re going to be alone with him for the entire honeymoon. And for the rest of your life. Party it up!
Post # 15
gosh, i had the same discussion with my fi. our venue said that (for a price) we could hire the place out till 4am. fi was completely excited by the idea, and genuinely surprised i wasnt up for it. ours does finish a bit later than yours, but i assumedwe’d be too tired, and i wanted a bit of alone time with him
he compromised. and i agreed that if he was still busting with energy (after a very long day) we could have a drink with people back at the hotel. but not an all night party, and not something that we have to pay a lot of money for.
another thing – is i would say the day is more tiring for the bride. hair makeup and logistics. groom only needs to get dressed and find a hairbrush, and can normally wake up a fair bit later. if i were you i would ask him not to do an afterparty i think
@paula1248: i dont htink people get excluded normally. its just for people to stay up later than the rest of the guests. or isnt it? im severely lacking in wedding knowledge