(Closed) Can't attend wedding last minute as a guest, do you still give a gift?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
3611 posts
Sugar bee

I would give a gift if I couldn’t attend a wedding under any circumstances, unless it was a courtesy invite (and maybe even still if it was a courtesy invite…I do think those are more case-by-case, though). I think being unable to attend at the last minute weighs even more in favor of giving a gift than if you had known you wouldn’t be able to attend ahead of time because, like you said, the couple is going to have to pay for an unused plate.

Post # 3
1495 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

breatheandrelax :  I definitely would because of teh same reason you stated. Emergencies come up but I think it’s nice to still send a gift to show the couple you care.

Post # 4
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

absolutely, however, I also send a gift if I’m invited and have to decline. I’d typically give less if I declined up front but if it was last minute and I had rsvp’d yes, I’d give the full amount I normally give. It’s custom where I’m from to cover your plate and at that time the couple would have already paid for you. 

Post # 5
9580 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

On top of the reasons you stated, I would have already sent the gift days (if not weeks) in advance so.. yep.

Post # 6
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I don’t really buy into the “covering your plate” thing, personally.  So I would give a gift.  (Basically, if I would give a gift to the couple in honor of their marriage, I would do so regardless of being able to attending the wedding or not. & I also wouldn’t want to receive a gift if I knew someone felt obligated just because they came to the party I invited them to!)

Post # 7
5893 posts
Bee Keeper

What I would do: 

Invited but don’t want to go (courtesy invite/ don’t like/ not close to them) I’d RSVP my regrets without elaborating and not send a gift

Invited and RSVP’d no, but I would have gone under different circumstances (conflict of dates/ Destination Wedding that’s not do-able) I’d send a card and a small gift (like a bottle of wine or gift certificate)

Invited, RSVP’d yes but now can’t attend: I’d give the exact same gift, whether cash/cheque or something off their registry as planned. Plus I’d contact the bride &/ or groom asap to let them know. 

Post # 9
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Absolutely- in fact I would find it extremely rude not to.  

Post # 10
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - historical mansion

Yes, 100% agree with mgbser. If your plans changed, you should give the same gift you would have given if you had attended.

Post # 12
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

breatheandrelax :  That’s such weird logic! I mean, I wouldn’t get a gift for a restaurant in general… I don’t look at it as “paying money for dinner.”  If someone I care about invites me to their wedding, I am getting them a gift regardless. 

Post # 13
47202 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

breatheandrelax :  My decision to give a gift is based on my relationship to the couple. Whether I attend or not is irrelevant to my choice of gift. I would aslo have had the gift delivered prior to the wedding.

Post # 14
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Its customary to give a gift when youre invited to a wedding regardless of attendance, so yes I would. Especially if youve put them out by RSVPing yes then essentially no showing… id be upping my gift just to cover for the embarressment!


Post # 15
8 posts
  • Wedding: July 2017

I would still give a gift.

The topic ‘Can't attend wedding last minute as a guest, do you still give a gift?’ is closed to new replies.

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