Can't be a bridesmaid..

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
47188 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Kath2 :  Why is this so difficult for you? You are not even friends.

“Sorry ___, but I won’t be able to be a bridesmaid.”

If you want to soften the blow, add ” If there is anything I can do to help out before I move, let me know.”

Post # 3
847 posts
Busy bee

Think about this for a minute. She’s  flaky and having you to make her numbers even. You don’t even know her true colors. The fact she’s unreliable and never makes an attempt to personally get to know you would be a pass. Id bet she’s high maintenance too.

Post # 4
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Kath2 : You are not obligated to accept a bridesmaid role in anyone’s wedding. To be nice, tell her you cannot guarantee you’ll be able to travel back for her wedding. Tell her as soon as possible to minimize any awkwardness. 

Post # 5
6146 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

This doesn’t need to be anywhere near stressful. “Thanks for the invite but I won’t be able to participate.”

Post # 6
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I wouldn’t stress about it. Just explain that you have a ton on your plate right now and that you’re not even sure you could even attend the wedding let alone participate as a bridesmaid. Easy peasy. 

Post # 7
401 posts
Helper bee

I agree with the above.  You desserve it and she deserves it.  Let her know as soon as possible that it isn’t fair to her that you cannot gurantee you can even attend let alone take the role of bridesmaid which you take very seriously.    Tell her you are flattered and appreciated being considered and thank her.  It is an honor to be picked even if she may be a bit desperate.   WE all know there are so many people who are hurt they aren’t asked to be in a wedding party.

Post # 8
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Devil’s advocate – maybe you REALLY are a good friend of hers and she really does value the friendship and it isn’t just numbers.  I know I don’t have SUPER close friends and hell not sure I’D be in my bridesmaid’s parties when they get married.  Hell, I added my brother to my party to even numbers :p


That said, just be honest!  People have given  lots of great advice on declining.

Post # 9
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I think every bride knows that when they ask their bridesmaids there’s a chance that they might not be able to. Best thing to do is be honest! She clearly values your friendship, and I’m positive she’ll value your honesty.

Just be polite “It’s so sweet you asked me to be a bridesmaid, but unfortunately I have to decline. With me moving, I can’t promise that I’ll even be able to attend the wedding let alone any pre-wedding activities. Again thank you for asking me, I’m so happy for you, and I’m sure your wedding will be beautiful”


Post # 11
19 posts
  • Wedding: December 2018

I wouldn’t stress about the situation, but tell her soon and be up front! One of my previous bridesmaids told me beforehand why she couldn’t accept the role and I wasn’t hurt in the slightest. 

Post # 12
8308 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Kath2 :  

This would be so much  easier if you didn’t work with her wouldn’t t  it!  I  Some of the suggestions pps have made would be  perfectly fine if you didn’t see much of her but I understand you see her all day at work .So you  are going to have to do it face to face

You said  yes when she originally  asked you , did you?   If so , preface asummerbridet7 :  words with soemthing like , I have been thinking  a lot  about my impulsively saying yes and  I would have loved to  , but  have come to the conclusion   that …..

Post # 13
428 posts
Helper bee

Kath2 :  u have a legit excuse. U are moving and are stressed out and also stressed about settling at ur new place. Say so

Post # 14
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020 - New York, New York

It seems like your co-worker is trying to guilt you into saying yes! Most people would feel bad accepting a gift from a friend while refusing to be in her wedding party. Since your co-worker left the gift at your apartment without saying anything and didn’t give it to you in person, I think she’s trying to make you feel obligated to say yes. She probably knew if she tried to give the gift in person, you wouldn’t accept it since you’re still unsure. That’s messed up! When I was a bridesmaid, my friend gave us gifts when we were at the rehersal dinner, not when she asked us to be in the wedding. 

Being a bridesmaid is so expensive, and so is moving across the country! If you’re looking for an excuse, you could always say that you just don’t have the money for the bridesmaid dress, the bridal party gift, the bachelorette party, flights, hotel room, etc.

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