- 3 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
Hi, I’m a long time lurker (up until recently I was fully expecting an engagement to be on the cards) so it feels a bit strange that this will be my first post, but I’m hoping I can get some advice.
My boyfriend of seven years (living together five years) broke up with me last month and I really did not see it coming. We had recently been abroad for his friend’s wedding and everything was great, or so I thought. Over the last few months he told me he had plans to propose and he had talked to my friends about the type of wedding he saw us having.
Anyway a couple of weeks after we got home he woke up one morning in a panic and asked me how can we be 100% sure we’re right for each other and that getting married would work out. I told him that nothing is certain in life but that he should know how he feels about me and should want a future, and be willing to commit to making it work. He said he does but something freaked him out and he’s feeling confused. He went out for a while, came back and told me he was so nervous driving up to the house because the thought of me not being there made him physically sick. He said he got ‘in a spin’ and he’d get himself out of it as he absolutely wants to be with me.
However, over the next couple of weeks he got more and more withdrawn while still saying things to reassure me. Some fundamental questions were being answered quite vaguely though (like when I asked if he loved me, he said he didn’t know what love is as he can’t feel anything). I do think there may be some depression there as he was very unmotivated for a while, he put on a lot of weight which affected his self esteem, but then he started training everyday and changed his diet and seemed happier in himself. But he also says he can’t feel happiness or sadness, he just exists. He used to tell me he was content rather than happy, but now he seems very confused. He is also very closed off emotionally and has no idea how to handle emotional situations.
He eventually agreed he had some personal issues to sort out and said he’d go for therapy, but it became clear that he was only doing it because I asked him to and not because he was truly open to it. After a while I became exhaused and so stressed out over the whole situation, so I told him I needed a ‘break’ for a little while and that he really needed to think about what he wanted. Well, a few days later he broke up with me saying we were ‘just friends’ (which is bull – the passion wanes after such a long time but we were much closer than friends) and that we’re better apart as he can’t give me what I want.
It has been 6 weeks now and I’m still totally shocked and confused. This person was my best friend in the world and I trusted him with my life. I just cannot believe he could do this to me. Especially after all the things he said to me about seeing a future… honestly when I left on a ‘break’ I honestly believed we would work things out. What complicates things is the fact that I’m living with his mother (she’s like a mother to me and I can’t go to my own parents for various reasons). She is very worried about him and doesn’t understand why he’s done this. She has been through a rough separation from his dad and she has really been looking after me. But I know I can’t stay there forever.
A part of me believes he still loves me and that we have a chance if he can only get some help, but I know I shouldn’t be thinking like that. I just can’t seem to let go though. How do I get through this? I’m an absolute mess 🙁
Sorry for the long post and thanks if you’ve read this far.
- This topic was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Sakura07.