(Closed) Can’t believe FI said this to me….

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Do you feel like your force him in to have sex? I would talk to him… that would hurt me also.

Post # 4
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@ashamed123:  My whole family is European and that is not a normal thing to say.  He sounds like an ass… you are totally right for being upset!

Post # 5
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

you have every right to be upset. sit him down and talk to him about this. that is kind of really uncalled for

Post # 6
Member
13014 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yeahh, I’d be upset too.  It sounds like you both need a long discussion about expectations.  Maybe set up a chore chart?  I know it sounds juvenile, but if he knows what’s expected of him, maybe he’d pitch in more.

Post # 7
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think you have every right to be upset. If he feels like you force him to have sex there is a better way to talk about it though.

FWIW, I’m Eastern European and I know how my dad and brother (just like most EE men) are, so I refuse to do stuff like that for them. They’re grown ass men, get your own glass of water and your own coffee. You do it once for them it’s like their hands fell off the next time they need something.

Post # 8
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@ashamed123:  Talk to him. He may not realize he’s hurting your feelings. I know my Fiance pokes fun and my … extra fluff sometimes, and I told him it bothered me. He thought it was just a way of showing closeness, to poke fun, like he does with his guy friends. Once I made it clear girls don’t always think this way, and this girl does not, he totally stopped. I also have a higher libido than he does, and he expressed frustration so I backed off a little bit. Find a happy medium. I don’t think he’s intentionally hurting you, he loves you! You may just have to remind him every once in a while that that kind of talk makes you uncomfortable.

Post # 9
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

Well, I’m glad I’m not the only one! Mine said that to me one time (after I came home a little tipsy and was demanding in the bedroom department). He was tired and didn’t want to but it happened regardless. A week later, during an argument he said that I “forced him” and I couldn’t help but laugh! I pointed out that he should take it when he can get it and shut it!

Is it hurtful? Absolutely. Was it likely a defense mechanism in the face of your confrontation? Definitely. You guys need to sit down and talk it out. He’s been apologizing and you should definitely be accepting of the apology. If I give an apology and it’s not accepted, I feel like there is no point in being sorry for stuff down the road (I’m a brat sometimes) and I would worry that not allowing him to make it up for you will set the tone for future arguments. Your feelings are valid though and you guys should definitely keep the lines of communication open.

Post # 10
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My Fiance is European, and he wouldn’t say something so vile in a month of Sundays!

Added to that the remark about what you are eating…I’d tell him to f**k off.  Being European, that’s a very common remark here that he should be able to understand.

Post # 11
Member
1725 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Both of you have valid feelings that need to be brought to the table so you can compromise and make a plan so you (hopefully) don’t feel that way in the future

Post # 13
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would be very upset at that, too.  Was he trying to joke around and just put his foot in it?  Maybe?  Hopefully?

Post # 14
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@TheMsMittens:  Hahahaha!! American men should understand that one, too.  😉

Post # 15
Member
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d sit down and discuss this with him. He needs to know why you feel stressed and what he can do to help, not say crap like you need to be careful what you eat . Even if he is European, that’s awful to say. I think you also need to understand where his feeling are coming from about sex as well. I think once you guys sit down and have a whole hearted discussion about what the other one needs, it will make things easier.

Post # 16
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Sounds like a mega jerk, but sometimes my SO does too, then it turns out he’s just really, and I mean really, bad with words when there’s emotional things involved. I don’t think you’re rediculous for being upset, I would be too, but try not to be distant if he’s sincere about working it out, talk it out. I find it’s usually a misunderstanding issue that can be worked out by talking it out, if it’s not a misunderstanding and you have a bigger issue on your hands then talking it out will tell you that too and you can go from there. 🙂 Good luck.

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