- 4 years ago
Ok Bees. I apologize for the long post. I am a waiting bee and I am having the hardest day in a while. Forget waiting days. This day is by far the worst.
My BF recently got fired. He has a masters in Accounting and is trying to find a job. This is an extremely distressful time for us. Yes, it sucks that he cannot find a job. I have been very supportive and I love him dearly. I cannot shake the feeling of wanting to marry this man ASAP. After we found out about the firing, I was perfectly pleased with letting go of a previously planned engagement in 6 months. I just wanted him to get back on his feet, though I would have happily welcomed an earlier engagement if luck permitted it.
Fast foward to one week ago. He had brought up the fact that he wanted to marry me. He said he would want to propose in FEB-MAR. He said that he was holding back because he feared he wouldn’t have enough savings for the more expensive rings we had been looking at. He explicitly said that a 1,000-2,000 ring would be his budget. If I agreed to a less elaborate ring (we were previously looking at 4,000-5,000), he could propose earlier and we could be engaged. His rationale is that by the time we are ready to marry at the end of our long engagement, he should have a job. Of course I jumped at this. I had found some great rings in my previous searches for this price and I just want to marry the man. I WAS THRILLED! A Feb-Mar engagement with a ring of my choice seemed so attractive.
This weekend, I cautioned him. I brought our sticky situation up. I told him that even though it was what I wanted, I needed to make sure that he was fine proposing sooner without a job. I had asked him what his family would advise him to do. I know his dad is a very realistic man and even asked him to consider what his dad would say. I basically wanted to have an early discussion about our new plans in order to make sure this is what he wanted as well. He assured me that he will have a job by our wedding next year with his higher degree and this was the perfect thing for us to do.
I had also told him that the ring we looked at was too pricey. I told him not to go for it. I then told him I found something better and more economical. He didn’t bother seeing it. This has significance for what happened tonight.
Tonight, it’s a different story. I sent him a picture of the ring I wanted and he said “Good to know”. I got a bit emotional because he never took any interest in asking me what was the ring I was looking at. I had to show him. This is my fault, but I couldn’t help it! I hate shoving rings in his face. If i said a few days ago that I had a ring in mind, I automatically assumed he would follow up and ask which one it was so he could purchase it.
He then proceeded to tell me that if all goes well in Feb-MAR, we can get engaged. Bees, I feel incredibly hurt. If I had not probed him and started this engagement talk, I would have believed that we would for sure be getting engaged in the next 2 months. He had told me he plans to buy the ring, ask my parents for my hand, and then propose. Now he is saying that if all goes well he will only do it? If all goes well means if he has a lead on jobs. This might be the most sensible thing (as I had talked about this weekend), but how dare he flip-flop and only inform me about the uncertainty of it all after I probed him today! I could have been waiting for months without knowing for sure what was happening. This is what I am most sad about. There is such a miscommunication between us with the marriage talk. He assures me that he is ready but I am basically hurt that he couldn’t have been honest with me upfront about “if all things go well”. I am so hurt about the fact that we talked about it this weekend for about an hour. The plan was to go ahead and get engaged soon no matter what. I had asked him if he knew he was sure. And now we are at “I never meant to give a specific timetable” when he said Feb-Mar.
Does this sound like a man who isn’t ready, even though he insists he is? Would you be hurt?