(Closed) Can’t believe I am posting here

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@LittleBride85: Go to couples counseling – quick. There are obviously some issues here you need to work out. Your Fiance seems like he can’t express himself. You guys need to talk openly and honestly and move past whatever fight you had.

What was this big fight about?

Post # 4
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@JrzyGurl: I agree.  But I think you need to put the wedding on hold indefinetly, until you both figure out whether you should get married to each other or not.

Post # 5
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

You are right to not want to walk down the aisle as the relationship currently is.

you need to sit and have a long talk about what is making him unhappy, why he is acting the way he is and what BOTH of you can do to help correct things.  Unless there is a simple solution, I suspect this is something that has been brewing with him for awhile, you should postpone the wedding indefinately and work at it.  It will cost you more money and pain to deal with these problems post marriage and possibly ending in divorce.

It was not appropriate for either of you to use the wedding as ammo. Its important to fight only about the issue at hand and items effecting it. I think counseling for both of you to learn to communicate appropriately and effectively would do your relationship a world of wonders.

Do not walk down the aisle unless you are both really happy and really excited, and especially, really willing to work to make the relationship work. I suspect you will need more than 3 weeks to reach that point.

 

Post # 6
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Cancel the wedding now.

Post # 8
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Why is he being like that? Is he scared? Cold feet?  You need to get to the bottom of this. 

Post # 10
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

aww. im sorry that you’re feeling like this. from what he said about going through this, but not being real…is enough for me personally to want to rethink seriously if i want to marry this man still.

 

Post # 11
Member
1909 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@LittleBride85:

It was mean of him to say the wedding wouldn’t be real. We all say things when our feelings are hurt or we are harboring some resentment. I agree with PPs that recommend couples counseling asap. If marriage is where you both want to be, counseling will help you with communication to strengthen your relationship. If one or both of you are unwilling to attend therapy, you may seriously reconsider if a wedding and this relationship is really what you want for yourself. * hugs *

Post # 12
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

IMO You should not go through with a wedding with anyone who says :“He says he will go through with the wedding but that it won’t be real..”

That’s just not ok. I would say cancel the wedding. See if Counseling can help. But, I wouldn’t go through with it in 3 weeks no matter what he says.

Post # 12
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

double post

Post # 13
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

If I were him I would be having trust issues because has has been deceived and lied to. You need to talk with him to set up boundaries about these types of situations for the future for both of you to follow.  He probably is questioning the marriage right now because of the deceit, but you should talk to him and you may be able to find common ground and you can fogive each other fully.  

I still think that if either one of you were throwing the marriage as a threat or anything as part of an argument either 1) you are comunicating in an immature way and it needs to stop or 2) there are real doubts that are coming out in the arguments.  Either way it needs to be addressed.

Ask what what he meant by “it wont be real” (the wedding). It may be more immature arguring or it could be the root of the problems

Post # 15
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m sorry you are going through this. Although if every couple that fought before their wedding called it off…well there certainly wouldn’t be very many weddings.

I agree that you should go talk to a couples counselor, and see if that doesn’t help get all your (both yours and his) crap out in the open to talk it out. Both of you are probably stressed out more than you even realize, and he probably has cold feet and doesn’t know how to react to it. He is probably just freaked out.

I hope you guys can work things out. Good luck =)

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