Post # 1
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Bees, I have a confession. When I read threads like “My Bridesmaid or Best Man is driving me nuts!” or “BM DRAAAMAAAA” I’m always kind of amazed. Why are these people your friends? Why is there so much drama? I even started a thread asking for GOOD bridesmaid stories! But then… it happened.
You may have seen me mention that my BFF is having a very small, semi-destination wedding (guests are parents, siblings and me) with a large reception to follow a couple months later. Several of her girl friends approached her about throwing a bridal shower, so she put us all in contact & made me point-person. For lack of better terms, I think of myself as Maid/Matron of Honor & them as BMs, but other than rallying the troops, I’ve been very hands-off, acting as part of a team rather than the leader so we could all be included.
Long story short- a friend Bride’s from High School (who I’ve known just as long but mostly through Bride) emailed me to ask if I’d received her note in the mail. Apparently she MAILED me a letter (even though we text, are Facebook friends and she obviously has my email) saying she is dropping out and not even coming to the shower as a guest. My assumption is that she figured out that I’m invited to the wedding (I made sure never to mention it, but Bride made a Facebook comment that sort of implied it) and got pissed she’s not invited. Bride only invited me because Groom asked her to! I helped him pick the ring and plan the proposal and have acted as faux-pre marital counselor on many occassions. I’m tight with BOTH of them.
Anyway… I’m just kind of shocked and disappointed. She backed out just a week before the shower and she had volunteered for a LOT of responsibilities. I honestly felt at the planning meeting like she was trying to show the rest of us up but, hell, less work for me! I had to polietly ask the rest of the BMs for help while trying not to stir up drama. Then I had to break the news to Bride because Bridesmaid or Best Man hadn’t and I felt weird about the rest of us knowing.
I’m just disappointed and sad. I’ve really been working hard at making sure she’s happy & calm & able to celebrate her marriage in a way that works for her & her Fiance. Apparently every wedding does have drama, and it wasn’t “just the ‘Bee” as I previously assumed. I thought “Everyone just has more stories to tell when it goes wrong! Don’t worry about it!” And if I’m being totally honest… I expect to get engaged this year and am now thinking about all the ways drama might happen in MY wedding. This situation has convinced me that there’s no way for it to just be a purely happy (albeit stressful) time.
Help me bees! Do you have a sure-fire way to keep drama out of your wedding? Someone MUST have had a perfectly fine time with their BMs, right? Or you were Bridesmaid or Best Man at a wedding where everything went swimmingly?
Post # 3
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
I was Maid/Matron of Honor last year in my friends wedding and everything went great! The only drama I’m having with mine is one of my Bridesmaid or Best Man is expecting me to pay for everything for her, plane tickets, dress, hotel… (we’re having an out-of -state wedding). I think it’s important to not only pick the girls you’re closest with, but also the most responsible/reliable.
Post # 4
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee
I really didnt have any drama with my bridesmaids. They all lived out of state so I never expected any help with the planning. I let them pick their Bridesmaid or Best Man dress style, and we were in and out in 30 minutes. They planned a lovely shower and bachelorette for me and everything went great.
I think a lot of the drama comes from unrealistic expectations.
Post # 5
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in one that went great! There were only two attendants per side (I think the smaller number often translates into less drama). The bride asked us to show up on the day of, wear dresses of our choosing, and enjoy the party. The other Bridesmaid or Best Man and I actually bought the same dress in different colors to make sure we looked cohesive. I guess the only drama we had was that we couldn’t agree on shoes and for some reason had decided to get the same ones. The bride stepped in (with an exasperated email) and just told us which shoes to buy–which we both did immediately.
That bride was super chill and it translated to how we behaved as BMs. She’s now one of my BMs and is as relaxed and helpful as ever.
Post # 6
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
@cml
@ArtDecoDC
@Bostongrl25
Thanks ladies. I guess we kind of knew the ex-BM was crazy to begin with, so it’s not terribly surprising that she’s acting crazy now. I plan to keep my party small- my sister, BFF & one other friend- and have them pick their own dresses & just show up, so hopefully it won’t be too bad.
Post # 7
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
I know I’ve put a few things on here about my sister/MOH, but in retrospect, it has really been small things that seemed a lot bigger in the heat of the moment. Inevitably, something is going to go wrong…there’s pretty much no getting around that…and this is going to sound super old fashioned, but I have found that the best thing to do in order to clear the air is talk! Not through text or Facebook, or even over the phone, but in person *GaSp!* Haha! And even more important, to listen to the other person/people involved when the feathers get ruffled. Granted, BM’s are (typically) female and we females are funny creatures sometimes! 😉 We get moody and emotional and easily offended and when miscommunication comes into play it’s just ugly…combine that with PMS and, well Lord help us! So your best line of defense against Bridesmaid or Best Man drama is just to keep the planning lighthearted and the lines of communication open. I hope for you that you can come back on here when your wedding is over and tell all the bees how wonderful your BM’s were and how you pity those of us who had issues 🙂
As for your current situation…that really sucks for you and for your friend/the bride. It’s not your fault that your friend has chosen you to be there on her wedding day and that’s so not fair of that other girl to make either of you feel guilty for that. I hate when people take a situation that has nothing to do with them and somehow makes it all about themself. It’s like, get your head out of your a$$ for 2 seconds and take a look around…there are other people in this world besides you!! Ok rant over 😀 Don’t fret too much over future drama with your BM’s…it will all be just fine! And congratulations on your upcoming engagement!! *Fingers Crossed!!*
Post # 8
Member
3075 posts
Sugar bee
There was plenty of drama with my bridesmaids, but I think the trick is to not let it bother you. Just let it roll of your back and don’t let yourself stress out about it. My Maid/Matron of Honor was floored at how calm I was about the crap that kept coming up with my BMs. I wasn’t even sure if one of them was going to make it to the wedding (She skipped both the engagement party, the shower, and the bachelorette party), and another one of them brought the dude she was apparently cheating on her husband with as her +1. Who cares? They’re they ones that have to live with whatever they’re doing. If the one girl didn’t show to my wedding, there wasn’t anything I could do about it. And my other Bridesmaid or Best Man wasn’t ruining MY marriage, she was ruining HERS!
Just learn to take deep breaths and keep in mind that your wedding is going to be SO much fun and you get to marry your best friend!