(Closed) Can't believe this has happened

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

((Hugs))  I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this.  Your “friend” sounds like a classic case of someone who suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  Except this personality flaw is one that causes everyone involved with them to suffer much, much more than they ever do.

Read up on this disorder.  Realize that you were never in a true friendship with her, you were just one of her “admirers” (aka “victims”).  Once you stopped kissing her behind every minute she dropped you like a hot rock, which is what they do.  Do not waste your tears or your thoughts on this petty human being any longer.  She isn’t worth your pain and you will NEVER, ever figure her out.  You will never be able to find logic and reason from a crazy person.  She is not a normal person, but you are, so naturally you are searching for answers and solutions.  However, that’s an utterly futile effort with a person who has NPD.

Have compassion for her daughter and anyone else who’s caught in her orbit.  Chances are if her new boyfriend doesn’t agree to kiss her feet 24/7 he’ll get kicked to the curb soon, too, or he’ll be the one to walk.

You can see – clearly – that this person is completely unable to have normal, healthy relationships or friendships.

Don’t contact her again, is my advice.  Word of warning, however.  If you don’t contact her to beg her to come back she will most likely contact you to spew her vitriol and poison onto you again.  Please don’t allow her to contaminate your life again.  She will only ever cause you pain and that is nothing near what friendship should be.  Do you treat people that way?  NO!

Count your blessings that she’s out of your life.  And your wedding day will be lovely and more stress-free without her.

Post # 4
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

sounds like this friend is toxic. I know it hurts but better this has happended now. Im sorry but she sounds really selfish and me me me. No one needs a friend that is that jeleous, your friends should be happy for you.

 

Post # 5
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

PP above has better advice than I have, I just wanted to say ((hugs!))) and I’m very sorry for your stress ๐Ÿ™

 

Chin up, dear… you’re about to marry the ma of your dreams. Drama is benind you now.. it’s all smooth sailing ahead ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’m so sorry you’re going through this – what a horrible thing to happen!

I had something fantastic to say but as usual Sunfire says what I wanted to say in a much more eloquent and beautiful way than I could have said it! ๐Ÿ™‚ Makes it easier for me, so I’ll +1 that! ๐Ÿ™‚

Also, weddings always bring out ppl’s true colors and I can’t believe some of the Bridesmaid or Best Man stories that come out. I also think you’re lucky to have 3 wonderful girls who sound really great and supportive, and you sound like a great friend so move on and good luck!

Post # 7
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I read the whole post…is it wrong to say “Congratulations, this clearly poisonous person is out of your life”? I’m really sorry for what you’ve gone through with this person and what you’re still having to deal with emotionally because of her selfishness.

I think many people have experienced “friends” like her, and had to live with the emotional repercussions of being told they’re the bad guy when they clearly aren’t (and you honestly seem like a good person, so of course that would be eating you up). But to have that happen with a friend of nearly a decade, right before your wedding (which is stressful enough to begin with), is something you truly don’t deserve. Especially because she’s not only tried to cause all the usual drama, but she’s also trying to guilt-trip you with her daughter, which is just the lowest thing possible.

Post # 8
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@TinaJade:  Aw, shucks, what a sweet thing to say.  EmbarassedSmile

Post # 9
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Losing a friend is a terrible experience, I am so sorry you are dealing with this so close to your wedding!! However, it sounds like you are probably better off without her in your life. You don’t need the negativity and the mind games… just look forward to becoming closer to your other girlfriends, and spending a wonderful life with your husband!

 

Post # 10
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Wow, have you ever dodged a bullet here. This girl has – unintentionally – done you an enormous favor by doing this now and absenting herself from your wedding before she has a chance to turn your wedding day upside down. (although, she may still try, so just don’t answer any texts from her until after the wedding is over).

It’s not your fault when a toxic person acts toxic. It’s just who they are. You can’t prompt it because they’re just being themselves. Yet when we care about someone and are invested in them, it’s so hard to remove them from our lives – it feels selfish and wrong, even though it’s what’s best. When they do it for you, when their toxicity finally reaches a point that they walk out on your relationship, take it for the gift it is. 

 

Post # 11
Member
4337 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m sorry you had to deal with this so close to you wedding, but I agree with PPs – you’re better of without her in the long run.

I feel bad for the little girl (assuming she was excited to be a flower girl), but it is definitely not your fault that she may be disappointed. I can’t believe her mom tried to use her to make you dance to her tune…I hope she doesn’t do that often.

 

Post # 13
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Moomin:    Hugs!  Just be glad you’re not her!  And I hope, for your sake, that she stays out of your life.  You’ll have one less person (love the word “toxic” that PP’s used, so perfect) to drag you down. 

My philosophy in life, now that I’ve learned to have healthy boundaries with people, is:  If you don’t enhance my life and make it better then you don’t belong in it.  I do not treat anyone badly, ever.  So, if someone treats me with disrespect one too many times – poof – they’re gone.  I don’t argue about it because I’ve learned it’s useless.  I give someone a chance or three, like you’ve done with her.  But once they show their true nasty colors enough times, I am DONE.  And I never feel guilty, only relieved.

You can’t cure stupid, lol.

Post # 15
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I am SO sorry that you had to endure this unfortunate incident. I’ve learned that jealousy is like an incurable disease; no matter how you try to cure it, some people (sadly) cannot be saved. You seemed to handle a stressful situation with grace and dignity. As previous bees have said, she seemed to have given you the best wedding gift of all time- the gift of not attending. Who know what she could have been capable of if she were there in-person.     

Post # 16
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

Well, I am sorry this is happening, I hope you can recuperate from her vile personality and I am sorry her daughter won’t be a flower girl in your wedding. And she’s pregnant again? I feel sorry for those kids! I hope someone can give her the help she needs to balance her out whether it be psychiatry and/or medication.

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