Post # 1
First post! Yay! I’ve been following this board the last few weeks as I just recently got engaged and we’re trying to plan our entire wedding in the next five months. It’s very stressful. In addition to that I’m only having one bridesmaid, my maid of honor, and she lives in another state. I decided I wanted to be fair/lenient and am letting her pick her dress, shoes and hairstyle. All I asked was that the dress was from David’s Bridal and a specific shade so it matched the tuxes. So recently I started seeing some things that I like and made some suggestions to her, mainly that I like the black/red look because our colors are black/white/red and I thought it’d make her match the tuxes more if she had some black. So I suggested she wear some black tights and a black bolero with her red dress. This is literally the first input I’ve given at ALL about her outfit. Immediately she starts arguing, saying it’ll be too hot, etc etc etc. So I started suggesting ways to make it better, like taking the stuff off after pictures and etc. And then finally she just flat out says she hates the way it looks and she isn’t wearing it.
Okay so am I wrong or is this not fair? Like I was under the impression that if I asked my bridesmaid to wear something, she wears it. There isn’t a giant debate. Especially since I’m already letting her pick EVERYTHING else. What does everyone think?
I’m attaching some pictures of the look I’m talking about… I think it’s really cute.
This topic was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by caturner.
Post # 2
I think if you told her she gets to wear what she wants, she gets to wear what she wants. I personally hate wearing tights. I’ll do it if I have to, but I prefer not to.
Let her pick her dress and then see what accessories you want. I think that if you want her to wear specific accessories, you may have to pick up the tab on those.
It also depends on the fomality of your wedding – the picture above reads very casual to me. .
Post # 3
I think that the “tradition” of you dressing other adult female is seriously weird and it never ends well. Why do you care so much how she looks? I would loathe to be dressed in something I hate and I bet you would too. I seriously think it’s better to focus on other things than people “matching”.
I think black and red is one of the worst color combinations there are – they don’t match most of beauty types, they are very heavy and difficult to wear. This is not a combination that goes well with many beauty types. But that’s not about whether I find it cute or not. The question is whether it is REALLY necessary to treat your bridesmaids and grooms ad adult-size dolls and dress them however you please, because it is “your day”.
I personally think tha this “tradition” is set for disaster in most cases. And I’m sure your Maid of Honor will look much more comfortable and we’ll be much happier in the outfit she has chosen and likes.
Post # 4
Hmm, she may be acting a little unreasonably here. Were you really pushing the issue with her?
I think that just because you are the bride you don’t get to boss her around and demand that she Do what you say and wear what you want (it’s important to take into account what she feels comfortable in and a style that flatters her body) – although it sounds as though you have been very accommodating and she was quite rude when responding to your suggestions.
perhaps she just doesn’t like the look and didnt want to tell you and hurt your feelings so she made up the excuse about being too hot? I personally don’t like the look of the black stockings, but appreciate that we all have different opinions and there are probably things in my wedding that arent to others’ tastes.
Talk to her openly and honestly. Weddings can create all sorts of tensions with friendships and it would be a Shame if this creates a rift in yours.
Post # 5
Well, I would say you’re not really letting her wear whatever she wants if you’re telling her the store she must buy from and the exact colour she must get. And if you also want above the knee there might be what, 5 styles to choose from at the most?
I do feel for you, but I wouldn’t make my girls uncomfortable if I could help it. Maybe you can have a more back-and-forth dialogue about what she’s most comfortable wearing? I don’t think you should have to budge on your colour scheme, but I would give her the freedom to choose whichever store she wants, since you’ve already told her she can pick whatever she wants. Just ask her to show you the colour before she buys something in case the shade of red is off from your vision.
I have to say, those black lacey tights (in my opinion) really draw attention to your legs and makes them look bigger than they are. In the picture above I find them distracting. I wouldn’t want to wear them either. Why don’t you try a black belt or sash with the dress instead?
Post # 6
I think you sound very reasonable. Your Maid/Matron of Honor and tyene:
do not. Why did you come here to smack this poor girl’s color choices around?? If it were me, I’d wear whatever the bride asks as long as I can afford it.
Post # 7
So you told her she could wear what she wanted, then did a total back flip and sent her “suggestions” and told her she had to wear <insert item here>. No she isn’t being unfair but you certainly are. You can’t in one breath say “wear what you want” and then say ” Like I was under the impression that if I asked my bridesmaid to wear something, she wears it”. That is totally unfair to your Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Post # 8
I’m not ciritising bride’s choice colors for her wedding. I’m just saying that black and red combination is difficult for people to wear. There’s a difference between dressing yourself or decorating venue and dressing other people. Not everyone looks good in every cut, color combinations and not everyone feels comfortable wearing those things.
Post # 9
Will it be summer where you live? if so this will look weird IMO
Post # 10
Congratulations on your engagement! I do think you need to look back at what you’ve said: it’s fine to choose your BM’s attire, but it’s not okay to claim to be totally open and letting them chose whatever they want and then pick the color, store, accessories, etc. That’s not being open to letting her pick her attire, really. You put input into her outfit long before the black/red suggestion.
Secondly, I think your BM’s point about being hot is very valid. Tights and a bolero in May is going to be HOT. I’m going to be married in May and I wouldn’t dream of putting my BMs in tights because they’d burn up! When do you suggest that she have time to change between pictures and the reception? What should she do with her tights after she takes them off? Carry them around the reception? Go back to her hotel room and drop them off and miss the bridal party introductions/the beginning of the reception?
Third – black matches with everything. You do not need to worry about matching her “more” with the tuxes, she will match! If you make them match perfectly by putting her in black accents and them with red ties and all that, you run the risk of looking very prom-ish. I think red dresses and black tights is a very Christmas-y look, which I would not strive for with a May wedding.
In short, I don’t necessarily think you’re being overdemanding, but you told her you were going to let her choose her outfit – so let her choose. Is this really a hill you want to die on?
Post # 11
I don’t know why everyone assumed that I picked the store or even the length of her dress because I never specified either of those.. She wants to wear a longer dress which I personally don’t like but didn’t argue about. She already wanted to wear nude hosiery under her dress so I suggested she wear black instead so that when we lift our dresses for pictures of our shoes it’ll look cute. I also didn’t demand David’s Bridal. She originally said that was where she wanted to get her dress, so I said “Okay then please stick with them because then we can just do tuxes at Men’s warehouse and it’ll match”.
I didn’t think that letting her pick her dress and shoes and hairstyle meant I forfeited all right to suggest anything about her appearance. The whole reason I let her pick her dress was because I wanted her to feel confident and comfortable. I don’t think that automatically means that I get to make NO decisions about her appearance just because I was nice and did that. Not real clear on why everyone is making it so black and white like that.
Also about the comment of her having to carry around her tights… We’re getting married at a lodge, she’s staying in the room upstairs. She’d literally just have to go inside and set it down.
If I had known people would be so negative I wouldn’t have come here, good god.
Post # 12
“All I asked was that the dress was from David’s Bridal and a specific shade so it matched the tuxes.”
This is exactly why everyone is “assuming” that you picked the store.
Post # 13
Good golly… I don’t even think I can read these forums anymore without thinking I am crazy. She has a colour in mind and suggested a store to get the exact colour from. That leads to “you aren’t letting her wear what she wants” …
Last time I checked making suggestions (as she knows her vision) isn’t a crime either.
And as a side note: tyene: who says stuff like this!? You, by your posts I can only assume, are new to this community so welcome. Being new you can understand how hard it is to put issues out there for the world to judge. It may suit you best to be nice and keep opinoons, not asked for, out of your posts…..
Post # 14
Shoot, I’m wearing black and red right now. Hopefully my beauty type matches it though…
Post # 15
OP, my suggestion in the future is, avoid putting emotional threads on the bee for opinions. Unfortunately this forum has become a “everyone is unreasonable for asking for anything from anyone else” type of place and THIS is the response you will get. Now, I personally think there is nothing wrong with what you asked and I consider myself to be pretty rational.
If she doesn’t want to wear it then let it go. The whole point of being in someones wedding (aesthetically) is you get to give them ideas and suggestions as to what you want your day to look like. I can’t imagine putting up a stink if I was in your MOH’s shoes but as you can tell by some of the answers above some people could care less what the bride wants and their civil liberties to dress themselves are far more important
I say good luck and try to avoid conflict with your Maid/Matron of Honor going forward. If she doesn’t want to do something then let it go. Your life will be so much easier, pinky promise!