(Closed) Can’t dictate FI’s groomsmen, right?…..even if one of them is a JACKASS?…..

posted 7 years ago in Grooms/men
  • poll: To Jackass or not to Jackass?
    Let your FI choose who he wants...ignore Jackass at the wedding : (15 votes)
    31 %
    OMG, tell your FI not to include Jackass, he is the spawn of Satan; only include the other two. : (34 votes)
    69 %
    It would be too uncomfortable not to include Jackass (dont include any of the three) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1723 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I would tell my Fiance to suck it up, that I didn’t want a jackass standing up for us at our wedding!  He can still ask the other two and just be like “well, we only wanted two people and you travel a lot so we thought it would be best if you did something less involved, like being an usher.”  Or something to that effect.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2584 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Your Fiance should ask the 2 friends he wants to ask and not ask Jackass. If he asks why, have your Fiance give him the above reasons- if he doesn’t respect relationships, you two don’t want him to be part of such an important part of your relationship. Obviously your Fiance could probably sugar coat it a bit so it doesn’t sound so harsh… but the thing about choosing the wedding party is that you should have whoever you want standing by you, and don’t pick anyone because you feel obligated. The minute you start trying to please everyone else it isn’t YOUR wedding anymore, and the day is about you two, not anyone else 🙂

    Post # 6
    Member
    192 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I think the key here is that your Fiance doesn’t want Jackass in the wedding party – he shouldn’t feel forced to have someone just because he thinks that his friends/other groomsmen would complain. I would bet that the others (particularly if they have serious girlfriends/wives) feel the same way about jackass – they tolerate him for shared sense of history. Find a way to have him minorly involved (usher?), and leave him out of most of the pictures.

    Post # 7
    Member
    345 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    yep, trust your instincts and don’t include this guy!  maybe have him do a reading or something at the wedding if you Fiance really wants to involve him in some way, but he definitely shouldn’t be in the wedding party! great reasons are that he travels so much and seems really busy all the time (ie, screwing around and lying but whatever…) so you thought it would be better to have the guys that you know your Fiance can depend on. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    1314 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I wonder why in the world you Fiance is friends with him! I understand “guy code” is different, and they never judge a fellow “bro”, but I am quite sure your Fiance is nothing like him, so why does he even hang around?

     

    Honestly, I don’t know what you should do. Instinct tells me that thou shall never pick your man’s bro, but he may be the exception! The truth is that you don’t want to be “that girl.” You know, that chic that is so controlling that you decide for your man who he should and shouldn’t be friends with. Just grit your teeth and think of the big picture. Your Fiance loves you, he wants to marry you, and you will have a gorgeous wedding and an even more beautiful life together, despite his jerk of a pal.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1757 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I’m glad I read your post, because my initial reaction was an indignant, “Well, of course your fiance gets to choose his groomsmen himself! Duh.” After reading about Jackass, I think you are totally justified asking your fiance to not make him a member of your wedding party. And if your fiance wants the other two guys to stand up with him, he should just ask them, and explain to Jackass that you guys are keeping the wedding party fairly small.

    Post # 9
    Member
    7431 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    He should have the other two but not Jackass. If Jackass asks why, then he can be honest – he doesn’t believe in monogamous long term relationships, so he cannot stand up for somethign that he doesn’t believe in. My bet is that his other 2 friends will be relieved. Maybe he can sit down with the other 2 and ask them what he should do. 

    I think having him as a guest is bad enough, I don’t even know if I would allow him at my wedding if it were me!

    Post # 11
    Member
    7300 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Well, at least your Fiance doesn’t want him there either. The people who you stand with are people who support your relationship. If my best friend disrespected our relationship and Mr. Tattoo every chance she got, she would not be Maid/Matron of Honor. She would be lucky to be a guest. Your Fiance needs to explain to Jackass that while he values their friendship, he cannot have him as a groomsmen while Jackass holds his current opinions on women, relationships, ect.

    ETA: I wouldn’t MAKE Fiance choose, but I would sit him down and tell him that while he is free to choose who he wants to choose, remind him that the people who stand up with you are people who are going to support your marriage.

    Post # 12
    Member
    7431 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    @Aubergold: It is crazy isn’t it? it makes no sense, guys always want to dodge talking anything about feelings, even if it means staying in a dead end friendship. Whereas, we girls will not think twice about sitting our slutty friend down and telling her all the reasons she needs to close her legs! that is one reason why women make better friends than men

    Post # 14
    Member
    7431 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    @Aubergold: Honestly, I think it could actually be a great thing for the bunch. He never knows, his other friends might follow suit, and Jackass could be gone permanently. They are a pack, right? So if Fiance takes the lead and stands up to Jackass, the other guys probably will too, and since they all stand united, you might just be able to be Jackass free!!!

    The topic ‘Can’t dictate FI’s groomsmen, right?…..even if one of them is a JACKASS?…..’ is closed to new replies.

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