Post # 16
I understand the dilemma. I am not a fan of one of the groomsmen. Rather we are “frenemies” and “play nice”to each other since Fiance doesn’t want the drama. Now that he has chosen the knucklehead to be one of his groomsmen, I want to vomit. The choice of the groomsmen is the one area Fiance feels “his” in the wedding planning process. I decided to compromise on this one.
I actaully had a very frank talk with the frenemie to let him know that I expect him to act like a grown. I think the guy gets it since he knows I am not dealing with any nonsense. For now, it has worked but we are a year out from the wedding so we shall see. I plan to dirnk plenty of moscato and try to not hurt him
Post # 17
@Radiant Bride: that is interesting…I wonder if I should talk to Jackass. Who am I kidding, I would either cuss him out or kill him. Not productive.
Post # 18
@Aubergold: I would do the same. Lets just hope your Fiance doesn’t put him in the wedding…
Post # 19
@Aubergold: Just be sure to get rid of the body. As it was said in Psych (the TV Show) “no body, no murder”!) Yeah… I watch waaaay too many murder mysteries, lol.
Seriously, though, you Fiance should just stand up and tell Jackass what’s what. That his attitude and behavior is NOT liked and accepted and to either grow the F up or take a hike. (for the record, that’s basically what my Fiance would do… and I’m putting that nicely.) (In fact, I’m currently HATED by someone my Fiance knows because I turned said male down and preferred my Fiance over this guy. However, I also told my Fiance this person was NOT welcome anywhere NEAR our wedding, and he agreed…)
Sorry you’ve gotta deal with this. I, personally, would rather have the two others grumbling and no Jackass than having to deal with Jackass.
Post # 20
I wouldn’t even be comfortable with my husband hanging out with this guy! He’s a misogynist AND he’s told your fiance he doesn’t understand why he doesn’t cheat? ARE YOU F$%*ING KIDDING ME?!?!?
So, short answer is no, he would not be included in our wedding party.
Post # 21
I would tell your Fiance that you don’t understand why he’s so concerned with sparing the feelings of someone who is undeniably selfish and so callously ignores the feelings of others.
He should definitely have his two closer friends, and if Jackass kicks up a fuss, he can be told that neither of you felt it was right to have someone stand up in your wedding who has zero regard for monogamy, honesty, and faithfulness. I know your Fiance will never be willing to actually say that to him, but a girl can dream…
Post # 22
So I officially just made my account so I could respond to you!! I started reading your dilemma and had to take a second look because this could literally be my situation with my Fiance. His ex-friend actually bad-mouthed me and tried to hit my Fiance at our other best friend’s wedding in Hawaii. We haven’t talked to him since then and now that we’re engaged…he’s trying to “apologize”. We talked it out, and we’ve both agreed that if we don’t take a stand against his bad behavior, he’ll never figure out it’s not OK.
It is your FI’s decision, but if he’s as tired of Jackass’s bad behavior as you are, I’m sure he’ll make the right one.
Post # 23
@Aubergold: i feel for you
my FI’s best man (yep, best man) sounds similar except he is MARRIED with TWO kids and he cheats on his wife constantly (including with her sister!!!!!)
best man also tried to cheat on his wife with my Maid/Matron of Honor (which was before Fiance were engaged so she wasn’t Maid/Matron of Honor yet) but get this, Best Man is almost 40 years old (FI is 35 so they are in the same age range) and Maid/Matron of Honor is 22 (a few years younger than i am) ugh! really??
he also drinks, A LOT *sigh*
but he is my FI’s best friend, so in the end the compromise was that when asking him to be best man Fiance would have a long conversation with him regarding his conduct at the wedding. also there will be NO bachelor party (FI doesn’t want one), instead he is going out with his groomsmen the night before for wings and beer and such and will take that time to AGAIN remind everyone what kind of behavior is expected at the wedding. and Fiance will not think twice about having anyone removed (including best man) if their behavior gets out of line.
Post # 24
I would tell Fiance no to having him as a groomsman. Like others have pointed out this guy has actually encouraged your Fiance to cheat on you – NOT COOL!! And not someone you want standing up with you guys on your wedding day. Yes, I agree the groomsmen should be the guy’s choice, but it sounds like your Fiance doesn’t think this guy is the right choice. Personally I think he should ask the other two guys and explain to this guy that he just couldn’t ask everyone. I assume jackass also probably thinks marriage is silly and stupid, so Fiance could use that as a reason why he didn’t ask him.
Your potential groomsmen makes mine look like angels, which they are not!! FI’s brother wants to control him and resents me as the reason he can’t and FI’s best friend we’ll have to work to keep sober and functioning through the day. Ah – I hate men!! (except the one I’m marrying)
Post # 25
Wow…I wonder if we have the same potential groomsman Jackass?
Sounds exactly like the loser my Fiance is waffling over. I really hope he doesn’t make it in…
Post # 26
Im so happy you guys understand. I dont know what Fi is gonna do, I think Im gonna lay off and just pray ( A LOT)
Post # 27
@Aubergold: It was not a easy conversation with FI’s friend! Now, I have to send a little wish that his crazy friend will somehow forget the date and plan a trip out of the country on our wedding day LOL Oh, I wish!
Post # 28
Does Jackass want to be invited to the bachelor party or does he actually want to be a groomsman? Perhaps your Fiance can reassure him he is invited to the bachelor party and he will not need to stand up there with you. Or can you somehow alter the number of people on each side so that you have even numbers without him there?
Post # 29
Wow. That guy sounds like a real class act. I would feel the same way – but not just about the wedding, I wouldn’t want my boyfriend anywhere near a guy who is such a bad influence – trying to get him to cheat?!??! WTF!
If it were me, I would just explain all of those reasons why you don’t want someone who clearly doesn’t even respect your relationship in your wedding party. Or at your wedding at all!