Post # 1
I have been diagnosed with social anxiety ( and generalized anxiety) , Have had it since I was about 10..For some reason I convinced myself that I could deal with the planning process, talking to people with whom I have had no contact for a few years, and talking to a party of 80 ( if we’re lucky) people , all while pretending to not be completely panicked.
Well 🙁 That’s not working anymore.. I was relatively fine until we ordered the save the dates and started planning the invitation. Now.. I feel like I am going completely insane- worrying about everything from ” What if no one shows up ” to ” Will his relatives think my decorations are cheap looking?”
I am writing this as my fIancee sleeps because sleep is seemingly impossible :/ the good news is there are 2 more months until the wedding, the bad news is that I don’t know if I’ll be sane by then :/
Are there any other ladies feeling this way? Do you have any tips to stay calm? ( and no, I love my fiancee, that is not the issue)
Post # 2
I’m sorry for what you’re going through. 🙁 Planning a wedding ought to be a lovely and exciting time, so it’s terrible that you’re being robbed of that. A few questions:
Do you have a counselor or take medication for your anxiety? If so, are these helpful just now, or is a change in order?
Is it possible to get a wedding planner to help with some of the arrangements? Perhaps that would allow you to kind of trick yourself into “blaming” the planner if the guests don’t like something or if something goes wrong. (I know that’s not fair to the planner, but most likely no one will be upset about any of the things about which you’re worried anyway, so it’s basically a non-issue.)
How much has your Fiance helped with the planning? If he hasn’t been doing as much, perhaps asking him to lend a bit more of a hand might alleviate some of the pressure on you?
And nothing I say from here will help, but I should say it all anyway: People WILL come to your wedding. 🙂 People WILL like the decorations. People WILL be happy, they WILL have fun (especially if you have an open bar!!!! Woo!!!), they WILL be happy for you, you WILL look radiant, and something WILL go awry. Someone will sneeze during the ceremony, a bug will fly into the reception hall, some guy will trip coming out of the bathroom. Okay, that’s life. It’s a party! Weddings are a party! They don’t have to be perfect (which is good, since NOTHING can be perfect), they don’t have to be “the best,” they don’t have to conform to anyone’s perception of what a wedding should be.
You’ll be fine. 🙂
Post # 3
lexi1 : youre investing time and money into something. Something that includes other people so has the potential to go wrong, something that reflects on you and something that you’ve been told will be the absolute best day ever. It’s normal to be frwaking out over how things will come together.
It is easier said than done. It’s not easy to switch of worrying about it but it’s just one day, it isn’t worth getting yourself worked up over.
Your relatives might think things are cheap but it doesn’t stop you getting married nor does that impact on their enjoyment of the day. If they think it looks cheap, do you honestly want to spend more money on decorations? Honestly, nobody pays attention to decorations. When my best friend got married I know she had pink flowers but I can’t tell you if they were in a tall or short vase, whether she had candles too. Apart from when you’ve been planning a wedding, have you paid so much attention to the decorations that their quality has detracted from the enjoyment of the wedding?
Some people might not come. We had some people RSVP yes and then not turn up. People will also leave early. It’s annoying and frustrating that they can’t make the time for you, it feels annoying when they leave early. But you can’t control other people. It’s an element you can’t control in any way. Worrying about it will not change anything. Some people are just rude and just don’t think about it, some may have genuine emergencies to stop them attending but either way there’s nothing you can do. The good news is that most people will turn up. You might not even realise that people are missing. One of the people who RSVP’d yes and didn’t turn up was DH’s friend, he didn’t even realise she wasn’t there until I pointed it out at the end of dinner.
I know those are two examples and there’ll probably be many more examples. However, it’s still not worth worrying about. Try and talk yourself through each cenaría as they present themselves. I was ill at our wedding reception and I think part of the reason was because I let all the little anxieties build up over the few months and especially the week before the wedding. It then all caught up with me and the reception and I just felt awful. If I could do it again, I would try and tell myself that these things weren’t major problems and not to get worked up about them. Try and take the view that as long you’re married then you’ve had a good day.
I really do know that it’s easier said than done but over a year after I got married I cannot tell you how little I care about what people thought of our decorations. Just try to let it all go.