Post # 17
jhphi – laughing @ “chopping it up into 1000 pieces and putting it into the shape of the devil”
I agree with what the other posters have said here. Your mom needs to grow up. That said, MY mom also needs to grow up about a lot of things, but guess what? Moms don’t always do that.
My sneaky suggestion would be to not say anything to your mom about not liking the ring. It will hurt her feelings if she is as sensitive as you say.
The stone is gorgeous– and big!! But if marquis isn’t your thing, it isn’t your thing! Thats okay! I have a big round stone that I don’t really like very much either, its not the end of the world to have different taste. It doesn’t make you ungrateful.
My suggestion for what you should do depends on how comfortable you are with a little white lie to your mom. I would take the ring to be “Cleaned” at a jeweler and then call your mom. Say,
“Mom, I have some bad news, and I need your advice. I took the ring you gave me to the jeweler today to be cleaned and he said that the prongs are loose and the band is thin. He thinks it has to do with the age of the ring. He thinks that it isn’t safe in the current setting. I love it so much, and I don’t want anything to happen to the stone! He said I <span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>must reset it or I will lose the stone one day soon. I’m thinking of resetting it (in a white gold band/in a halo setting/in an east west setting/etc.) I just wanted your opinion on what you think!”
Post # 18
The key here is to not give her an option for it not to be reset. Make it seem like there is NO WAY you can keep the current setting! Its just too dangerous!
This does happen, by the way. I had to have my grandmothers wedding band reset because the band got too thin and it wasn’t safe.
Post # 19
I wonder if a channel setting would work? I like the little white lie tho. This is yours for ever now, you should have a choice and you should be able to love it.
Post # 20
Can you look up reviews on yelp.com where you live to find a jeweler? I’m sorry your mother wouldn’t be happy if you changed the setting… but I think EJS is right, it’s *your* ring now, not a loaner. Eventually she would have to accept that it’s your ring and you can change it as you see fit. Good luck –
Post # 21
I also agree that your mom should back off a bit about keeping it the same. You don’t like it, plain and simple. And you have to wear it for the rest of your life and she doesn’t. I really like the suggestion of the east/west marquis setting…it looks very unique.
Post # 22
In a strange twist: I was talking to my FH last night on the phone (inspired by all your nice and helpful suggestions here), and he admitted that he ALSO does not want me to change a thing about my engagement ring. He was quite firm about it.
Well, I guess I have to learn to love it.
Post # 23
weird, whats your fiancees reasoning for not wanting you to change it?
Post # 24
I am sorry you are going through all this. I will say my sister had the same ring but smaller to yours and all she had was a thick gold plain band. It sat flushed so I must not be seeing something that is different from yours.
HOWEVER, I understand your MOM gave it to you, but once again it is not a loaner and needs to be made for YOU! You do not like this ring, I can tell and you should love your ring!! I know you are trying so hard to be nice, but be honest with yourself. It is a beautiful ring, but everyone has different taste. You should be estatic when you look down at it! You deserve that! I 100% do not agree with your Fiance. He did not pay for the ring, it is NOT his mothers ring, so what is his issue with not changing the setting?! He should want you to be happy and want something you would want to wear forever!
Post # 25
Well said, MissGreen. Whats the update on the ring? I’m sad to see that you seem resigned to keeping a ring you don’t like. Did you make any progress with your mom or your FI?
Post # 26
Perhaps you can search for a jeweler that does repair in house? You might have better luck working with someone like that.
Post # 27
Thanks for the suggestion mountain girl.
No update on the ring. I realized I COULD put my foot down and change the setting and no one would be able to say much, but the money for our rings is being given to us as a gift and I wouldn’t feel comfortable asking his dear father for more money so I could change the setting on my whim.
I have been going to jeweler after jeweler (kind of depressing) and trying on rings, but all of them bump up against the stone and create a gap. I have to keep trying though, because every damn jeweler I go to doesn’t even have enough bands of my size to try on – I am always having to guess what it’ll fit like. ;/
Post # 28
another idea is to deal for now, and hold out for a change later. My grandma tells the story about how she always wanted a super thick band like HER grandma had but my grandpa got her a thin setting. So she kept it for a few years and then started telling my grandpa every year when he asked what she wanted for christmas “a thick setting for my e-ring.” It took 14 years, but he did it after finally getting the response “I’ve been telling you what I want for 14 years and you don’t listen so now I’m not going to tell you anymore” haha. Hopefully your guy wouldn’t make you wait THAT long… but a cute story nonetheless 🙂
Post # 29
If you are looking for a white gold setting, you can have the yellow gold dipped in rhodium to give it the white gold appearance. You aren’t changing the setting, just the color!
My e-ring is a custom setting 6 prong round brilliant, and believe it or not, I had a hard time finding a band that fit somewhat under the prong and wouldn’t wear against it. After 1 month of wearing the rings together, I already saw wear on the bottom prong. I had the rings soldered together and I LOVE it (them)!! No more wearing against eachother, and the band stays perfectly centered with my e-ring (it has 7 small diamonds on it as well – it’s actually an anniverary band).
As for finding a band that works with it, I went to the mall since there are so many jewelry stores it gave me a huge selection, and I tried on SO many…ONE fit well, that was it! The local jeweler that designed my e-ring said he could do a custom band, but I was afraid because I didn’t want the v-shape either!
Hope that helps!
Post # 30
This is a ring that you will be wearing for the rest of your natural life. If you REALLY don’t like it then you may need to stand firm. I vote for having the diamond reset. Your Fiance should be worried about making sure your ring is something you love…and besides…gold can be melted and reshaped into anything. Therefore…youc an use the same band to make the new one so nothing gets lost.
Post # 31
brilliantearth.com will make custom rings http://www.brilliantearth.com/custom-engagement-rings/ I’m not sure how it would work to design one to be flush with your band since it’s online, but they really have some nice rings. I was browsing their custom gallery and some of those rings are just AMAZING. I wish mine were custom like that… (don’t tell hubby!) Is there any particular reason you don’t like the marquise diamond? I personally love them (though I’ve never tried one on), and that’s what I used to want for a ring. Mine’s just a simple round diamond. Want to trade?? hehe jk. I love mine for what it represents and for the memory of the wonderful day I got engaged. It’s not what I would have picked out for myself (actually, it was on the mental-list of what I DIDN’T want tbh), but the sentiment behind it is so strong, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Granted, I dont HATE how it looks though. I would suggest going with the white lie. Tell Fiance AND Future Mother-In-Law lol