(Closed) Can't get along with SIL

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
2609 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@riss519: You need to stop giving this woman so much power over you.  Yes, she’s being rude and a bitch and while I can understand that’s annoying and upsetting, at the end of the day, it really has no effect on your life other than what YOU allow it to have.

My SIL runs hot and cold.  She’s been horribly rude and hostile to me on many occasions.  And I totally ignore it.  I just pretend not to notice and frankly, I think it drives her a little nuts because she’s been unsuccessful in drawing me into an argument for years. 

You don’t need this woman to compliment your wedding.  If she doesn’t want to talk to you, so what?  At this point, do you really want to talk to her? 

Be civil if spoken to but otherwise treat her like a non-entity.   Its not up to your in-laws to correct the behavior of a grown woman and they probably just want to maintain peaceful relations with her so they can keep seeing their son. 

Post # 4
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@riss519:  I completely sympathize because my FSIL is terrible as well. It makes me furious to be obviously ignored in conversations/interactions, and even more furious that my in laws don’t say anything to her. But, both her MIL and old best friend from high school sought me out to tell me that she has always been an incredibly insecure and vindictive person and cannot tolerate being around women that she finds threatening or superior in any way. Your SIL is mean, and girls like that have a pattern of cattiness and meanness. Your in laws probably don’t say anything because they’ve dealt with it for her whole life and know it won’t help. You can’t give her so much power.. She is trying to control you, and thus far has been successful. She is a small person, and with her personality probably very unhappy. Don’t let her dysfunction bring you to her level. 

Post # 6
Member
7449 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Zhabeego:  You need to stop giving this woman so much power over you.  Yes, she’s being rude and a bitch and while I can understand that’s annoying and upsetting, at the end of the day, it really has no effect on your life other than what YOU allow it to have.

Exactly! I don’t get along with my FSIL, well on the surface we do get along, but neither of us can stand each other. And that’s fine. Now I don’t know how I would react to blatant disrespect, but if she wants to play the ignore game, let her. You say people in your lives recognize it, then your ahead. Stop caring. I wouldn’t want compliments from anyone if its insincere.  

Post # 7
Member
11239 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Blehhhhh, I’m in the same boat. Can’t stand my FI’s SIL. I just try to ignore her. She tries to be fake nice and then goes behind our back and lies to try to get sympathy from the people she hates. She is freaking 36 years old.

Post # 8
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@riss519:  I’m an insane Pisces so I would have so much fun “getting back” at her ehehe.

When she gives dirty looks, I would laugh at her and smile. When she asks DH a question, I would jump right in and give her an answer too.

But how about inviting your MIL and FIL over to your house one-on-one to spend time with them?

Post # 9
Member
2609 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@riss519:  Rather than be upset by her behavior, try to be amused by it.  She can’t make you feel inferior without your consent!  If she talks down to you, smile at her. 

And try to remember that even though no one challenges her behavior, it doesn’t mean it goes unnoticed.  If she’s being rude, childish and snotty, chances are other people ARE noticing and think less of her for it.  If you’re the one being mature and polite, that’s being noticed too.  

 

Post # 10
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Ugh!  What is it about SILs?!  I am fan of the Real Housewives series and it is the main storyline in NJ (Teresa hates her SIL, Melissa).  In that situation it actually seems that Teresa is in love with her brother (like seriously) and wants him all to herself.  She even had the nerve to tell her brother’s wife that since they married he doesn’t come to her house for dinner every night anymore.  Uh DUH! Cuz he has his own wife and family to go home to now, stupid!

Anyway, I digress, I agree with the PPs.  Don’t give your SIL ANY power over you.  She wants to act like a beyotch?  Ignore her ass!  Literally…pretend you don’t even SEE her when you walk into a room she is in.  Pretend she doesn’t exist and get on with your life.  She can only upset you if you LET her.

Post # 12
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I can’t stand hardly any of my SIL’s. So I feel you.  The SIL that lives the closest to us is a piece of work.  Does huge birthday parties for her kids and then says no gifts please which of course if it is a 1 yr old’s party going to get a gift.

To this weekend her oldest has his graduation party from high school.  She sends an email out basically demanding family to help out on food and watch her two youngest. Um no, I am a guest and you never asked me to help out, you demanded.  And I have my own child to watch while there. Besides we wont be there until later anyway because part of the time it is for is when my child naps. 

She also announced being pregnant with her 3rd child, the same day I had my baby. She couldn’t wait a week or what not but had to take the spotlight away from me just giving birth…

Post # 13
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Oh, big hugs. I could’ve written your post nearly verbatim (except my DHs family is completely oblivous to how awful SIL has been to me, even when it happens right in front of them!), so I know how you feel. My DH’s SIL sounds like the same kind of whacko that yours is. UGH.

Everyone I’ve talked to about my situation has told me how I’m just giving her more power by letting all of her stupid drama bother me, but it’s not easy to let this stuff go. I think the best thing you can do is take a little distance when you can (even if you’re forced to interact for family gatherings, avoid engaging with her as mch as possible). I’ve also found it helpful to acknowledge that SIL clearly suffers from insecurity and other issues. It helps keep me less angry and frustrated when instead I feel sorry for her that she has to be so nasty and make everything revolve around her.

 

So sorry you have to deal with this! It really does suck.

Post # 14
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@riss519:  

Manage your expectations. You cannot expect normal behavior from someone who is obviously immature and spiteful. I agree that your SIL should not behave the way she does, but you can only control what you do.

My BIL likes to scream, swear and make people cry with his awful behavior. He apologizes afterwards and it continues again. Thank God he lives far away. We do not have to see him and we will not be visiting for a few years.

Post # 16
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee

Oh my SIL (brothers wife) is the epitome of terrible. I see my nephews maybe once a year and it’s hard to talk to my brother. She got it in her head when they got engaged over 10 years ago that he really only needed her in his life, so my family is in a constant battle with her. If it starts to get better, she just flips out over anything she can and causes drama. ITS AWFUL. Honestly, I’ve just resorted to being fake nice to her, nice enough to not ruin any relationships between anyone else in the family, and nice enough to suffer through being around her. I see it as I have to show class and be respectful, I don’t have to like her. I can’t choose my brother’s wife. That was his choice, and I have to respect that. I keep my mouth shut and smile and ask her how she’s doing and ignore her. I could care less about her. Sadly, I think my FSIL from my FI’s side will probably be awful as well. Again, I smile and show class and let it be. It’s important to not let people get to you, because that’s what they want. If they can’t get a rise out of you, then you’re winning. If you kill them with kindness, then you’re winning. Be the bigger person, don’t let it bother you. Her actions aren’t yours. 

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