Post # 1
I need some advice! Long story short-met a guy at work 4 months ago, had a bit of a crush before we met, crush developed after we met-THEN we were matched online, that didn’t exactly end up favorably as I’m pretty sure he was embarrased that a co-worker found him on an online dating site. I even contacted him on there only to have him ignore it all.
For about a month at work-we never acknowledge the online match, but we are friendly when we see each other, talk online a bit, and during all this..he brings up my profile and “views it” a couple of times-one being on my last day of work (we didn’t even see each other that day).
I left that job 2 months ago. We ran into each a month ago and a week or so later I email him (basically just as a test to see if he’d respond). Well, he did and I didn’t respond back (wasn’t sure if he was interested in continuing communication). So, 10 days later I get another email from him and last week we email back and forth a few times a day for a couple of days. I am involved in animal rescue and in my initial email I told him to contact me if he was ever interested in adopting a dog. He didn’t mention anything when he wrote back the first time, but he did email me 10 days later to tell me that he was and to let him know if I come across any dogs that he may like.
Meanwhile, I think about him all the time to the point where I have dreams about him. I can’t get a good on read on him, but at least when we worked together, some of what he did/acted like he may have been interested, but I don’t know. I’m just so tired of how things are, but I’m not sure what to do! Some people say to just ask him out, but I mean..I’ve been the one to initiate any contact, wouldn’t he have figured it out by now?
I met someone else and we’ve gone out a few times, but I don’t see him as more than a friend at this point..kind of hard to when my head is still filled with the old co-worker!
Any insight? 🙂
Post # 3
to the “Wouldnt he have figured it out by now?” he is a guy and men do not seem to read to much into things as we women do, I’d say go for it, ask him out for coffee or something or bring up a dog he can come take a look at and then start up a conversation while he is there… I think he is interested from what you have said
Post # 4
@MrsAu:you know, I thought that the “figure it out” comment might be too much, I mean, he is a man! Also should mention that he “closed” me (read-deleted me) as a match online, so I can only hope that is because of he embarassment factor.
He’s very off at times though, hasn’t been consistent. For example, one of my emails asked him “so, what’s new” and he never responded, but then a few days later when I email him about dogs, he writes back and we have a good back and forth flow.
Post # 5
I am getting the feel that he isn’t interested. I think he had plenty of opportunites to pursue this if he were.
Post # 6
My advice is if he wanted to ask you out he would have asked by now. He probably would have asked immediately. My friends have wasted so much time sweating guys who don’t seem interested. They don’t seem interested because they’re not. When I met Darling Husband he was a friend of some of my friends. He would basically push people out of the way to talk to me, and asked around to get my number, stopped by after work all the time and always offered to pick me up to go out etc. He’s known as a pretty shy person, but not once he had a crush! Men don’t sit back and wait around for another guy to take their place. If they like you they cannot hide it. This is true for my girlfriends who have boyfriends or husbands, the guys always broke down doors to see them.
I don’t say any of this to be mean, I just hate to see girls focus on some guy who’s not making any moves and miss out on an awesome guy who would give you all the attention you deserve. Empty your head of this old co-worker and give the new guy a chance.
Post # 7
i dont think he’s interested. if he wanted to be with you, he wouldve asked you out already. guys dont hesitate.
focus on people who focus on you. i would make it work with the guy who you’re already dating—rather than fantasize about a guy who’s obviously a time waster.
youre overanalyzing a relationship that doesnt exist. creating a relationship that doesnt exist either. also using the dog adoption thing as a reason to talk to him seems really desparate to me. cut off all contact. IF he wants to be with you…he will pursue you.
you’re a princess! act like one!!!
Post # 8
Call me a romantic but i’m all for just giving it a go and you asking him out. If he’s not interested, what do you have to lose! He didn;t need to ask you for help finding a dog…..if you’re ok with possible rejection then just flat out ask him for a date. then you’ll know either way and can put him out of your mind if he’s uninterested. Harbouring hope makes it difficult to move on.
Post # 9
A while before I met my SO, I was crushing so hard on a guy that I had met. When we met he seemed totally (!) interested in me. We e-mailed and chatted online for a few months afterwards, and even went on a date once. The entire time he was so hot and cold and it drove me crazy! It just led to me thinking about him all the time. So, I can relate to how you’re feeling.
What PP’s have said is true, if he is truly interested, there won’t be any doubt about it. When I met my SO, it was like BAM! There was ZERO doubt that he was into me.
Another possibility is that he is interested in you but isn’t mature enough or ready to make a move. And he could come around. But would you want to have an entire relationship that leaves you wondering or wanting more? You definitely deserve that BAM! feeling and maybe the guy you’re currently dating isn’t enough to distract you from your crush but I think you’ll meet another guy who totally will, if you’re open to it.
Post # 10
I’m glad you asked because I think in this situation you need a completely objective opinion. This is a classic case of “He’s just not that into you.” Sorry hun. 🙁 If anything, he’s flattered by all the attention, but nothing more. Men are not wired to play games. Think about it, when you are truly interested in someone you would NEVER ignore an email from them because you wouldn’t want to risk them losing interest. Men are not any different. If he was interested he would have done something about it by now. End of story. Move on.
Post # 11
@Moja Milosc: Ditto all this.
@Rileys Mom: I say forget about him. If you’re both single and looking for a relationship (assuming this based on you both being members of an online dating site), he would have asked you out by now if he was interested. If you really can’t stop thinking about him without knowing his feelings for sure, go ahead and ask him out. There’s no harm in that – but I just don’t think he’s interested based on the details provided. You shouldn’t have to work so much, you know? He should be working to pursue you, too, and he isn’t.
Post # 12
I’m sorry to say this, but I think he’s just not that into you. I agree with PP’s who pointed out that he would have initiated a date already if he wanted to. He knows you’re available and there’s nothing stopping him now – except for the fact that he’s not interested.
Honestly, your best chance to ever get him is to totally ignore him. I know it sounds strange, but the less available you become the more mysterious and interesting you suddenly are. Plus, that will save you from embarassing yourself around him further by continuing to try and open the door while he won’t walk through.
Good luck and i hope it all works out, with or without him!
Post # 13
I say ask him out, some guys are aggressive, others need BIG hints. Worse thing that happens is he says no.
Post # 14
- Wedding: April 2012 - St. Philip Catholic Church/Arcadia Brewing Co.
To all the he’s not into you girls, I have to say it is too soon to tell. Some guys will go out of their way to get a girl. Others (Mr. Aardvark) are pretty much clueless unless everything is spelled out.
I was in a very similar situation with Mr. A. We talked, e-mail occationally. I flirted shamelessly and it just went over his head. I was pretty sure he was not into me but in a last ditch attempt, I told him I liked him…. I got a pretty wishy washy reply and all my friends said to drop it.
WEEKS later, we ran into each other in a group setting and there were clear sparks. I asked him out and that was our first date.
He said he didn’t know what to say to the “I like you” and by the time he realized he should have asked me out, an awkward amount of time had passed and he didn’t know what to do.
LONG story short. I say ask. The worst he can say is no.
Post # 15
I vote for ask, but knowing that there’s a possibility you may be turned down. Good luck.
Post # 16
@Rileys Mom: I agree with most of the pps here with just leave him alone. Men like the chase-they chase things they want. If he was interested or ready, he would pursue you. Don’t make it easy for him-play hard to get. You disappear and don’t contact him and see what happens. The thing about guys is, they pursue who they want for the most part, and if pursued by a woman they may not be interested in, they may just screw her to death and keep it moving. You deserve better than that. You deserve to be consistently adored, admired and pursued. Don’t play anymore games with this guy.